This link has been bookmarked by 289 people . It was first bookmarked on 24 Jun 2006, by Eoin Lane.
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Apostolos K.This Evil Overlord List is Copyright 1996-1997 by Peter Anspach. If you enjoy it, feel free to pass it along or post it anywhere, provided that (1) it is not altered in any way, and (2) this copyright notice is attached. via Pocket
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19 Jan 16
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22 Nov 15
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05 May 15
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18 Nov 14
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20 Jan 14
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25 Oct 13
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12 Dec 12
John RomanoIf it becomes necessary to escape, I will never stop to pose dramatically and toss off a one-liner.
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16 Nov 12
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15 Oct 12
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My Legions of Terror will have helmets with clear plexiglass visors, not face-concealing ones.
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My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through
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My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.
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Shooting is not too good for my enemies.
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When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No." and shoot him. No, on second thought I'll shoot him then say "No."
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After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married immediately in a quiet civil ceremony
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One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.
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All slain enemies will be cremated
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I will never utter the sentence "But before I kill you, there's just one thing I want to know."
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When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to their advice.
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Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.
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No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I will not consume any energy field bigger than my head.
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I will keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my troops in their use. That way -- even if the heroes manage to neutralize my power generator and/or render the standard-issue energy weapons useless -- my troops will not be overrun by a handful of savages armed with spears and rocks.
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I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and weaknesses.
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I will never utter the line "No, this cannot be! I AM INVINCIBLE!!!" (After that, death is usually instantaneous.)
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No matter how attractive certain members of the rebellion are, there is probably someone just as attractive who is not desperate to kill me. Therefore, I will think twice before ordering a prisoner sent to my bedchamber.
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I will never build only one of anything important. All important systems will have redundant control panels and power supplies. For the same reason I will always carry at least two fully loaded weapons at all times.
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My pet monster will be kept in a secure cage from which it cannot escape and into which I could not accidentally stumble.
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I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies into confusion.
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My foes will surely give up and abandon their quest if they have no source of comic relief.
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I will not fly into a rage and kill a messenger who brings me bad news just to illustrate how evil I really am. Good messengers are hard to come by.
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I won't require high-ranking female members of my organization to wear a stainless-steel bustier.
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Similarly, outfits made entirely from black leather will be reserved for formal occasions.
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I will not turn into a snake. It never helps.
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I will not imprison members of the same party in the same cell block, let alone the same cell. If they are important prisoners, I will keep the only key to the cell door on my person instead of handing out copies to every bottom-rung guard in the prison.
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If my trusted lieutenant tells me my Legions of Terror are losing a battle, I will believe him. After all, he's my trusted lieutenant.
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If an enemy I have just killed has a younger sibling or offspring anywhere, I will find them and have them killed immediately, instead of waiting for them to grow up harboring feelings of vengeance towards me in my old age.
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If I have an unstoppable superweapon, I will use it as early and as often as possible instead of keeping it in reserve.
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Once my power is secure, I will destroy all those pesky time-travel devices.
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I will maintain a healthy amount of skepticism
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I will make sure I have a clear understanding of who is responsible for what in my organization.
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If an advisor says to me "My liege, he is but one man. What can one man possibly do?", I will reply "This." and kill the advisor.
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If I learn that a callow youth has begun a quest to destroy me, I will slay him while he is still a callow youth instead of waiting for him to mature.
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I will treat any beast which I control through magic or technology with respect and kindness.
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My main computers will have their own special operating system that will be completely incompatible with standard IBM and Macintosh powerbooks.
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If one of my dungeon guards begins expressing concern over the conditions in the beautiful princess' cell, I will immediately transfer him to a less people-oriented position.
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I will hire a team of board-certified architects and surveyors to examine my castle and inform me of any secret passages and abandoned tunnels that I might not know about.
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If the beautiful princess that I capture says "I'll never marry you! Never, do you hear me, NEVER!!!", I will say "Oh well" and kill her.
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I will not strike a bargain with a demonic being then attempt to double-cross it simply because I feel like being contrary.
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My Legions of Terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used for target practice.
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Before employing any captured artifacts or machinery, I will carefully read the owner's manual.
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If it becomes necessary to escape, I will never stop to pose dramatically and toss off a one-liner.
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I will never build a sentient computer smarter than I am.
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My five-year-old child advisor will also be asked to decipher any code I am thinking of using. If he breaks the code in under 30 seconds, it will not be used. Note: this also applies to passwords.
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If my advisors ask "Why are you risking everything on such a mad scheme?", I will not proceed until I have a response that satisfies them.
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I will design fortress hallways with no alcoves or protruding structural supports which intruders could use for cover in a firefight.
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Bulk trash will be disposed of in incinerators
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I will see a competent psychiatrist and get cured of all extremely unusual phobias and bizarre compulsive habits which could prove to be a disadvantage.
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If I must have computer systems with publically available terminals, the maps they display of my complex will have a room clearly marked as the Main Control Room. That room will be the Execution Chamber. The actual main control room will be marked as Sewage Overflow Containment.
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My security keypad will actually be a fingerprint scanner.
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No matter how many shorts we have in the system, my guards will be instructed to treat every surveillance camera malfunction as a full-scale emergency.
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I will spare someone who saved my life sometime in the past. This is only reasonable as it encourages others to do so. However, the offer is good one time only. If they want me to spare them again, they'd better save my life again.
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When my guards split up to search for intruders, they will always travel in groups of at least two. They will be trained so that if one of them disappears mysteriously while on patrol, the other will immediately initiate an alert and call for backup, instead of quizzically peering around a corner.
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If I decide to test a lieutenant's loyalty and see if he/she should be made a trusted lieutenant, I will have a crack squad of marksmen standing by in case the answer is no.
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If all the heroes are standing together around a strange device and begin to taunt me, I will pull out a conventional weapon instead of using my unstoppable superweapon on them.
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I will not agree to let the heroes go free if they win a rigged contest, even though my advisors assure me it is impossible for them to win.
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When I create a multimedia presentation of my plan designed so that my five-year-old advisor can easily understand the details, I will not label the disk "Project Overlord" and leave it lying on top of my desk.
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I will instruct my Legions of Terror to attack the hero en masse, instead of standing around waiting while members break off and attack one or two at a time.
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If my weakest troops fail to eliminate a hero, I will send out my best troops instead of wasting time with progressively stronger ones as he gets closer and closer to my fortress.
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Finally, to keep my subjects permanently locked in a mindless trance, I will provide each of them with free unlimited Internet access.
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19 Sep 12
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27 Jul 12
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02 May 12
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05 Oct 11
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27 Sep 11
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extra Thursday75. I will instruct my Legions of Terror to attack the hero en masse, instead of standing around waiting while members break off and attack one or two at a time.
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24 May 11
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23 May 11
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13 May 11
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22 Feb 11
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12 Feb 11
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15 Jan 11
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14 Oct 10
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11 Aug 10
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02 Aug 10
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07 Jul 10
etain_andersBeing an Evil Overlord seems to be a good career choice. It pays well, there are all sorts of perks and you can set your own hours. However every Evil Overlord I've read about in books or seen in movies invariably gets overthrown and destroyed in the end.
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29 Jun 10
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13 Jun 10
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09 Jun 10
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26 May 10
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17 May 10
Azure HartOne of my advisers will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.
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12 May 10
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04 May 10
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13 Apr 10
Fire crackerBeing an Evil Overlord seems to be a good career choice. It pays well, there are all sorts of perks and you can set your own hours. However every Evil Overlord I've read about in books or seen in movies invariably gets overthrown and destroyed in the end.
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03 Apr 10
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04 Feb 10
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26 Jan 10
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07 Jan 10
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05 Jan 10
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16 Dec 09
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19 Oct 09
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28 Jul 09
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22 Jul 09
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21 Jul 09
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16 Jul 09
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24 Jun 09
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13 Jun 09
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02 Jun 09
Brennan O'KeefeOne of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.
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28 May 09
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25 May 09
michael chalkOne of my educator colleagues (Kerry!) posted a link to this site. and it was the end of the day so i read the whole thing. It's funny. Peter says: "We were kicking around cliches that appeared on "Deep Space 9" at the time, and I started to compile a lis
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20 May 09
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16 May 09
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10 May 09
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15 Feb 09
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31 Jan 09
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30 Jan 09
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24 Dec 08
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14 Dec 08
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09 Nov 08
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30 Oct 08
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29 Oct 08
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28 Oct 08
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26 Oct 08
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21 Oct 08
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09 Oct 08
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10 Sep 08
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03 Sep 08
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19 Jun 08
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13 Jun 08
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06 Jun 08
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27 Mar 08
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17 Mar 08
Being an Evil Overlord seems to be a good career choice. It pays well, there are all sorts of perks and you can set your own hours. However every Evil Overlord I've read about in books or seen in movies invariably gets overthrown and destroyed in the end. I've noticed that no matter whether they are barbarian lords, deranged wizards, mad scientists or alien invaders, they always seem to make the same basic mistakes every single time. With that in mind, allow me to present... The top 100 things I'd do if I ever became an evil overlord.
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09 Mar 08
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03 Mar 08
Owen BlackerEasily one of the best things on the Internet
funny culture ffilm film lists reference satire SpeculativeFiction overlord for:jenblower for:pobk from:delicious
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21 Feb 08
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31 Jan 08
Nina Scaletti#34 made me snort. What evil overlord has done that, I wonder? The guy from Conan the Barbarian?
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30 Jan 08
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23 Jan 08
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09 Jan 08
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22 Dec 07
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20 Dec 07
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10 Dec 07
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29 Nov 07
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11 Nov 07
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09 Nov 07
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15 Sep 07
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06 Sep 07
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04 Sep 07
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