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  • To be, being submissive means trusting your partner to make choices that are in both of your best interests. It does not mean forcing your partner to do what you want through emotional manipulation.

  • There is a theory that in the back of the minds of children they are aware of their dependence.  They somehow realize that without their parent’s support they would be in big trouble and this is associated with anxiety and even terror.  Each time children are criticized by their parents, it brings this fear to the fore of their thoughts, and they can only take so much of it without attempting to banish this fear, either by running away, dreaming magical thoughts, or screaming to drown out the feeling of terror. 
  • As a rule of thumb, parents would be wise to say at least ten supportive comments for every one negative critical comment that they make.  And if more than two or three negative criticisms have been made in a single day, perhaps it would be wise to put off the next one until the morrow.

  • Roy Bailey, University of Essex - Was the surprise referendum of July 5 conceived as a threat point for the ongoing bargaining between Greece and its creditors and has the last year caused you to adjust how you think about Game Theory?


    Varoufakis: I shall have to disappoint you Roy {Editor’s note: Roy Bailey taught Varoufakis at Essex and advised on his PhD}. As I wrote in a New York Times op-ed, Game Theory was never relevant. It applies to interactions where motives are exogenous and the point is to work out the optimal bluffing strategies and credible threats, given available information. Our task was different: it was to persuade the “other” side to change their motivation vis-à-vis Greece.

  • Moreover, the troika was terribly fragmented, with many contradictory agendas in play, the result being that the “terms of surrender” they imposed upon us were, to say the least, curious: a deal imposed by creditors determined to attach conditions which guarantee that we, the debtor, cannot repay them. So, the main lesson to be learned from the last few months is that European politics is not even about austerity.
  • On your pedagogical question: while it is true that we teach students a brand of economics that is designed to be blind to really-existing capitalism, the fact remains that no type of sophisticated economic thinking, not even neoclassical economics, can reach the parts of the Eurogroup which make momentous decisions behind closed doors.

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  • What I’m getting is the hum of bees, and those bees are called “This is how decision-making works: he’s sweet, he’s supportive, he listens, we talk things out until we’ve beaten the subject into the ground… and then we do the thing that works out for him.”
  • For me, the advice speaks more to the great difficulty of balancing vulnerability and emotional authenticity with yourself AND respect for the emotional needs and autonomy of another person AND reasonable expectations AND honoring your own desire and right to feel joy and satisfaction in a relationship.
  • Maybe that’s because virtually all of the heterosexual relationships I have witnessed in real life have that EXACT same dynamic — I think that’s kind of the default expectation for a male-partnered woman in certain (very common) cultural milieus. Most of my female relatives are in the process of gradually diminishing themselves in service of their partners’ preferences and needs. Most of my female friends who are interested in being partnered with men have had at least brief relationships where the guy unconsciously assumed that she was going to compromise but he sure wasn’t. They weren’t actively bad people! They weren’t malicious or unkind! They just had no capacity to provide support to the women in their lives on an equal level to the support they received from them. And yeah: a big portion of my female acquaintance ends up saying, “okay, I want more support than this, I feel like I deserve more support than this, but I also don’t want to be alone anymore, so I am going to give up on that part of myself who demands to be treated like an equal person with equally important desires and hopes and needs.”

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  • When I broke up with my perfectly good boyfriend (who was never going to leave me and was never going to be passionate about me, either) at age 34, I promised myself that I would never tuck myself into the margins of someone else's life again. I would make my own friends and build my own life and pursue my dreams, and I would only consider men who were absolutely crazy about me. No more whatever, sure, why not, for now, let's wait and see. I didn't know if it would work out or not, but I knew that I would never compromise who I was for anyone again. Just knowing that was thrilling. Just knowing that made my life richer and fuller and more colorful than it had ever been before. It happened overnight. All I had to do was decide, and commit, to never giving up myself for anyone else again.

  • This year, my summer visit to Idaho was swallowed, most days, in a thick, gauzy haze. It was as though the sky was overlaid with a bleakest of Instagram filters; the smoke was often so dense, it blocked the blue light spectrum entirely, washing everything in a pale, flat yellow, a creepy, apocalyptic tint that contrasted well with the redness in your eyes and the gray dryness of your throat.
  • Put another way: It’s not merely about preparing for rough weather. It’s not about stocking up on extra water, flashlight batteries, a solar iPhone charger. Climate change doesn’t merely mean life is going to get much more difficult, much more quickly than most people – particularly the rich and oligarchic – can possibly imagine. It means it’s going to get much more disquieting.
  • The very tone and timbre of life is changing. The air is shifting, the light. As ecosystems collapse, as animals either hatch in bizarre megaswarms or vanish completely, as forests whither and thin out, the planet’s increasingly palpable failure to hold itself in some kind of equilibrium is going to creep into your very spine, shake your dreams. Don’t believe it? Just wait.

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  • Skills-development based alternatives are great in theory for most people with many psychiatric conditions, but largely fail in the ADHD population. This is because (as I understand it) CBT and other therapies like it (which focus on developing skills through methods like: self talk, thought monitoring, good habit development, maintenance of organizational systems, etc.) require properly working executive function and reward circuitry in the brain. Unfortunately, these are precisely the areas of the brain that do not work properly in the individual who has ADHD. Without these circuits firing properly, CBT just doesn't work to the same degree it does in the normal population since it relies on reinforcement from them. Often, this situation ultimately quickly leads to failure and self-blaming for something that has a real physiological underpinning.
Aug 25, 15

I did not read this, just archiving, probably because I am hungry right now ;)

  • In 1966 Johnson and his family moved to New York where they stayed for over a year, during which time Johnson’s two Berlin apartments remained empty. Trusting his friend Enzensberger, he allowed his brother, Ulrich Enzensberger, to move into one of them, and Hans Magnus’ former wife, Dagrun, to move into the other. These were turbulent years in the development of the young republic, with strong and violent conflicts between angry and impassioned students and the state which, at the time, was full of former Nazis and repressive, in many ways. Dagrun and Ulrich took part in these upheavals, the center of which was Berlin, the former and future capital of Germany, divided and surrounded by the GDR. Their engagement, so at odds with Enzensberger’s kind of thinking, led to their becoming part of a commune, and opened the doors of Johnson’s apartments to the famous Kommune I, home to a few of the most well known faces in the left wing movement of the time.
  • When Johnson learned that his apartment had been thus misused he was angry, not because of the commune per se, but because no one had asked him, no one had told him, and because Ulrich and Dagrun’s transgressions and behavior imperiled his apartment. The anxiety in Johnson’s life and his work made it impossible for him to forgive such a heavy breach of trust, all the more because Enzensberger evaded all responsibility and kept shifting blame on his ex-wife, his brother and even Johnson himself. In what can, at best, be described as an aloof manner, he is unfazed by Johnson’s increasingly furious and disappointed tone, and keeps trying to wash his hands of the whole matter. This conflict is exacerbated by Johnson’s obsession with doing things the right way, cleanly, transparently, in order. Increasingly, what started out as a means to deal with personal fears, and what helped him to create his complex, difficult and artful style, turns into a liability for him. In later years he will make life impossible for both his wife and his daughter and cut both from his testament. He will be so plagued by his obsessions, his increasingly paranoiac suspicions towards friends and family, in short, he will feel so driven into a corner that, when he died alone, bloated from drinking and smoking, his body will not be found for almost a month since no-one, for weeks, came looking for him, no-one cared enough.

  • For decades, people of color have paid a heavy price for the war on drugs. It’s well known that minorities are arrested and jailed at disproportionate rates on marijuana-related charges. But, now that recreational weed is legal in Washington, are those same people who were once likely to be racially profiled reaping the benefits of the industry of legal pot?
  • Partial owner of Bud Nation and wife of Michael Gordon pointed out the inherent racial hypocrisy of the industry. “When marijuana is illegal it’s fine for people of color to be the ones growing, dealing and getting arrested, but when it becomes legalized it all changes.”

  • As I dive deeper into embodying the change I want in the world, my relationship with men has become fraught. I notice power imbalances, harmful behaviors, and a general lack of understanding when it comes to how oppression and marginalization occurs in day-to-day interactions. While some people can go through their lives with men mostly on the outskirts or in limited quantities, how I move through the world isn’t accommodated by that.
  • No guy is going to need every lesson on this list, nor any of them in the most literal sense. In reality, people of all genders can benefit from following all these thoughts I have, but I want to present them in the context of struggling with contemporary masculinity.
  • Don’t read this all in one go. Skim it, see what strikes you. I want this to be something that serves as talking points for multiple conversations over time, and it starts with awareness.

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  • Forwarding into Nozbe every single e-mail, every single document, every article or whatever else you stumble across is fine, when you do not have much to do and do not mind going though hundreds of junk items just to get to the ones you really should act on.

  • Of course anything from those inboxes that becomes actionable ends up in Omnifocus where it is added to existing projects or becomes a project. But I deal with that somewhat differently. It's not a place to check for inputs but a place I go to do the processing of the inputs that came in.
  • Twitter & Facebook - email notifications set up for replies, direct messages, etc., so that anything I NEED to see drops into my email inbox. If I fancy dropping into the websites, that's a just a nice-to-have
  • Bookmarks - must-read go straight to OmniFocus, Pocket as nice-to-read-later stuff
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