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Chris Morrow

Chris Morrow's Public Library

  • In society it is deemed as "OK" to have small boobs, large boobs, a huge ass, no ass, be short, be tall etc etc if you're a girl. We see roll models of all types whether it be as actresses, singers, in porn whatever.

      

    However as a guy, you rarely ever hear about how it's sexy to be short, or it's alright to have a small penis. The "ideal" guy isn't nearly debatable as the "ideal" girl, this makes it much harder to just simply "own" what you're born with and be confident, because despite what nearly all woman try and say, it's still very rare to come across someone who prefers a below average penis.

  • I think a lot of this problem is that we don't have a polite but direct way to refuse friendship, so every attempt at making new friends is a Guess Culture dance of not knowing if that person really enjoys your company or not. The stupid "are they really just busy or is this a slow fade?" problem from the dating world feels even more desperate when making friends. And to me, rejection from potential friends is more hurtful. I'm great at accepting dating rejection--people are incompatible, whatever. But friend rejection feels so personal--it's like "Hey, I don't even want to drink beer and play board games with you."
  • Most of the new friends I've made? Because of kids.
     
     Most of the old friends I've got in touch with again? Because of kids.
     
     I read part of it as kids being a good proxy; we're not hanging out, it's the kids. Insulation against rejection.
     
     The other part, more honestly, is that children are an anchor, part of that whole strange phenomenon alongside permanent employment and long-term relationships, which leads my friends to STOP LEAVING THE FUCKING COUNTRY. Ahem.
  • Why am I not Taylor Swift's friend, we live in the same city, we like making cookies, I mean that seems like a no brainer?

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  • You talk about acts and performance, but I think young inexperienced men in our culture are likely too preoccupied with that -- sex as bodily performance -- and have the most to gain from reconsidering it in more mutual, social and emotional terms.
  • By the second time, the sex was pretty much a 50/50 give & take thing. But that first time, it was all her, and it took away any nervousness on my part. I was pretty nervous even though I wasn't a virgin. I guess I was worried I'd disappoint her? Or something? I asked if there was anything she wanted me to do and she said "Nope. Just lie back and enjoy the show." And with that, my nervousness pretty much disappeared.

  • And she's so pretty! And smart! And that smiiiiiile. Uuuugh. I've had more fun kissing her than I've had fucking a ton of other people. Maybe I should text her some random stupid thing. Ugh. No. No I shouldn't. God, I wish she'd text me back."
  • I'd joke that the only way not to is to wear turtlenecks, but turtlenecks seem to make them look enormous. I don't want to give hey-look-at-my-boobs-every-five-seconds-like-I'm-blind-and-can't-see, but also not nun-vibes, or dress unflatteringly by covering them so I look top-heavy.

  • College/University is actually NOT an easy place to date for some people. Yes, there are lots of similar age individuals around, but it was my experience that it was not "real". People were very often characatures of themselves, and between the stress of school and the stress of trying to figure out who the hell they are, people in college are just fucking WEIRD. Or at least weird to me. I did not date in university, I didn't have sex, I didn't do all that crazy sexy sex that I thought everyone else was engaging in. None of this was by choice. I too felt like I was a weirdo, that something was wrong with me, etc. It fucking sucked. I sincerely think that part of the problem was that I did do all the crazy exaggerated personality crap that a lot of student seemed to engage in. I was told I was an "old soul" and "mature beyond my years". I wasn't boring or shy. Just... established in my personality.
  • Because it takes total control out of my hands and places it in the hands of fate.
      You know, this jumps out at me. This is something that you're asking for that is NOT in your total control. You're asking to have a relationship with another person. That requires a person to like you, and you know what? That's not in your control. People don't say "hey, this guy is (checks boxes) tall, kind, smart, so I guess I should be friends with him." You seem pretty obsessed with eliminating all the obstacles that you've heard can stand in the way of a relationship, but again, those are not the things that actually matter. The reason that people say "be yourself" isn't just because it's trite, it's because you want the person you are in a relationship to like you for who you are.
  • None of that makes you feel better now, but your post has that frisson of angry entitled frustration that you are missing out on something, and the thing is that that something is such poor quality, it's like you're angry about the gustatory aspects of a frozen pizza.

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  • I don't think this is about the cunnilingus; really, this is about respect. It's about getting your "yes"es and "no"es taken seriously. He needs to see this as an important issue of boundaries and consent, not just a minor issue of preference and accommodation.
     
     Fundamentally, he is doing something to you sexually that you do not want, and that hurts (when you get the UTI). If he were shoving it into your butt, or making you gag for fun, it would be really easy for the obvious answer to be "say no and shove him away." But because cunnilingus is "for you" and every woman is supposed to like it (note the advice in the question earlier today from the guy who doesn't like using his tongue), I think it's tempting to do what you've been doing, going along to get along.
  • I kind of think a former lover must have trained him to think that all women love lots of oral.
     
     Maybe, but assuming that you've been telling him repeatedly and very clearly that YOU don't like lots of oral sex, including the fact that you go numb and can't enjoy sex after a marathon session, it's really odd that he would still believe that. (You have been absolutely explicit, right? If you framed it as "less oral makes it better for me" and not "this much oral makes me numb and I can't come", he may think you're being selfless or coy.)
  • There are many well-meaning guys out there who have been told that all women love cunnilingus, but many women are adverse to practicing it because they think their vaginal/vulva areas are nasty, horrible, poisonous, dirty places. Normally, it is GREAT when a guy has an understanding of these insecurities and is willing to try to help his lady to work past them so he can give her a good time. But in your case, he may too well-meaning and assuming your protests are out of shame and not that you seriously want him to keep his face out from between your legs.

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  • I've never used one, and almost no one I've ever talked about them with has ever used one. I was in college in the early 1990s, and safe sex was a big deal. Dental dams, as well as finger condoms and other goodies, were in baskets in all the dorms, lots of outreach lectures, etc. I can remember being instructed how, in an emergency when no dental dam was available, saran wrap could be substituted -- so there was serious emphasis on this. And you know what? We used the dental dams as jokes, but not for actual, you know, sex. I can remember a few friends trying one out and giggling about how weird it was to use one.
     
     My sense is that most people, most of the time, do a risk/rewards calculation of barriers for intercourse (including swapping insertable toys) and not for oral. The risk of a disease is relatively low, and the unpleasantness is relatively high.
  • It's possible people are weighing the risks, and just happen to rank "choking to death on a loose sheet of latex" a worse outcome than "occasional cold sore."
     
     To answer your question, though: Dental surgeons use dental dams all the damn time.

  • Connoisseurs of Cunnilingus: What does it taste like to you?
     

     
     It tastes like the color red.
     
     It tastes like animals fucking somewhere in the woods under a full moon.
     
     It tastes like want and desire poured over warm skin, something rough, something soft, something salty.
     
     and of course if you're in love, it tastes like a secret door that is open, where everything that is good in the world is hidden.
     
     
     You taste wine or meat or cheese, but when you mouth is between her legs, there's a different kind of hunger that taste doesn't cover.

  • Oh for christ's sake. Vagina is a perfectly fine word for a vagina. Grow up. I call vaginas "vaginas" all the time, and I've never, ever, been accused of having a clinical approach to sex.

  • Yeah, you're overthinking this. You know how metafilter always says "cats are weird"? Well, people are stupid.
     It's not you, it's just not funny.
  • I think the writer and audience assume that virgin is the desired/correct state for a young woman, and so the joke isn't that she's not getting any, it's that she's being naughty and having sex sometimes. The "I didn't plan it, it just worked out that way" is like, "Oops, I slipped and fell on his penis, tee hee, totes not my fault".
  • Maybe it's a joke for HR people - "I have sex, but not enough to get benefits."

  • This was actually a big deal to me in the beginning. I spent a lot of time in my head wondering if we would work because I firmly believed a man, especially my Dominant, needed to be taller than me. I needed to be physically smaller in order to feel submissive. God, sometimes I'm an idiot.

      

    One of the few times I let him know how much it upset me, he looked me in the eyes and without a word, wrapped his fingers in my hair, forcing me to my knees next to him. He looked down at me. "Who's taller now, babygirl?" I have a vague memory of breathing a "You are" at him. (Hands in hair, forced submission, kneeling? Yeah, everything was fuzzy after that.)

  • The stereotype is that male sexuality is simple and straightforward, and it often is. But in those early days it's a hodgepodge of excitement and nervousness and arousal and performance anxiety and fun and neuroses, at least according to my experiences and those of my close male friends.

  • t. Is. A. Numbers. Game.
     
     Sooooooo many people think the universe is punishing them or rewarding them. The universe doesn't give a fuck. It is cold and vastly indifferent. It assigns no value to your being a virgin. It assigns no value to your not being a virgin. It just is.
     
     Random chance accounts for like at least 80% more than most people think it does, especially neurotic people.

  • <form action="#" id="form-t1_c1bj72fcn8" onsubmit="return post_form(this, 'editusertext')" class="usertext warn-on-unload">

    You might try doing something a bit kinky like asking her to lick all traces of the other guys' cum off of your cock after you finish fucking her... and to look at each time you do this as a way of partially cleansing her of her past sins.

     
     
    </form>

    • Why would you want to stop? Would you rather think about the economy or war? ;)

    • My mother and my female friends believe that my problem is that I’m not vulnerable enough, that I’m more inclined to debate and tease than I am to coo and titter. But it seems to me that thirty-one years old is a perfectly absurd time to start pretending to be a blushing schoolgirl, when it’s clearly evident to everyone around me (a lot of whom, at this point, know exactly who I am) that I’m not.


    •  She is even more inexperienced than I am. We are both 32. She had never even made out with a guy before me. I am starting to think about sex. How do I introduce her to sex in a way that is safe, fun, and special? I mean, I've only kissed two women in my life. I'M the experienced one?!?

    • Your son's inner convictions are no match for a randy young co-ed offering up her body
       
       Ick ick ick ick ick ick.
       
       You don't know this poster's son, and neither do I.
       
       Also, "randy young co-ed offering up her body?" How are you getting Internet access from 1928?
    • A dad who is that actively interested in his son getting 'jiggy with it' is probably about a bazillion times more damaging to a young person's emerging sexual identity than an Abstinence Club.
    • You know the stories about the dad who takes his son to the whorehouse on his 18th birthday to 'show him the world'?
       
       Don't be that guy.

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    • Say, for example that I get a guy naked and without thinking say 'Ooh, your arms are so big!'. To me, that's a compliment, but if he's self conscious about how big his arms are then I have just inadvertently made him feel bad.

        

      I once had a guy comment on how 'dangly' my breasts are. To me, it sounded like he was calling them saggy. He wasn't. He was just enjoying their... booblyness.

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