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Alexey Tarasevich

Alexey Tarasevich's Public Library

Oct 02, 15

key problem:
. excessive support
-> the person stops the attempts to support themselves

importance of support frustration:
. transfer responsibility for the life and the deeds
. remind the power the one can reject

high frustration/failure tolerance
<- health
<- environment
<- support at home, from friends
<- realization in hobby, support from co-hobbyists
<- learned self-support in the childhood

in childhood:
. support the child in things they cannot do themselves
. gradually transfer responsibility for that the child can do themselves

adult relationship:
besides sexual instinct many needs are fulfilled in it:
. social
. spiritual
. cultural

possible problem examples:
. contemporary self-support ability lag ~10 years
-> children enter the relationship

. prolonged reliance on oneself
-> affection decline

. partnership with more mature or more dependent
-> power and responsibility skewness

. parents' support
-> missed the point when can self-support

. attachment to [self-]complacency
-> missed development

(same for excessive self-criticism)

  • "застревание" в поддержке чревато тем, что отношения перестанут развиваться
  • Когда отказывают в поддержке, это вызывает фрустрацию - болезненные переживания из-за невозможности удовлетворить какие-то свои потребности старым привычным способом.
  • сохранение работоспособности и способности к контакту в ситуации, когда человек испытывает неудовольствие, растерянность или разочарование, это "высокая толерантность к фрустрации".

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  • Использовался аппарат противоречий (в его современном понимании)
  • установить сколь возможно компактную факторгруппу сильной связи,
  • определить факторы, которые играют решающую роль в рассматриваемом вопросе

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  • требованиями стейкхолдеров
  • системными требованиями
  • Рубин М.С., Кияев В.И. Основы ТРИЗ и инновации. Применение ТРИЗ в программных и информационных системах: Учебное пособие. 2013.

  • Диалектическая поведенческая терапия (ДПТ)
  • способность взять паузу, идентифицировать эмоцию и принять рациональное решение
  • быть осведомленным о том, что происходит в настоящий момент, а не пытаться связать это с прошлыми или будущими событиями.

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  • образ идеального решения (ИКР)
  • ИКР указывает направление на наиболее сильный ответ
  • до получения идеи ответа

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  • учет имеющихся ресурсов
  • пространство, в пределах которого возникает конфликт
  • при минимальном расходовании ВПР

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Sep 26, 15

meaning: discern, decipher what is true and right.

. take action to make life better
. solve problems
. improve oneself
. need to judge what is better to improve (work, life, self)

. there are sometimes bad people or situations

best practices:
. apply non-judgmental acceptance when there is no practical need for judgment
. be always careful with judgments (see problems)
. accept before judgment: thus we open the possiblity to really see the person or situation, instead of immediately reacting with negative judgment (it might end up being not as bad)
. apply love, forgiveness, respect and open-mindedness
. can confront those who judges you unfairly

. to transform lower quality into higher, falseness int truth, prejudice into fairness, hatred into love.
. judge the worth and trustworthiness of businesses and governments
. decide if we can trust, make relationships (etc) with the person
. judge the truthfulness of what people say
. judge usefulness or stupidity of actions

problems and mistakes:
. applying judging when there is no immediate practical use for it
. applying reactive negative emotion (hatred, anger etc)
. poor judgments:
.. unfair judgment
.. prejudice
.. final judgment
.. rigid categorization
.. unsubstantiated generalization
.. cruel judgment


. essntial for evolution of right understanding

. problems, contradictions, unsupported generalizations will go unnoticed without it
. our world is imperfect, so some criticism is relevant

problems and mistakes:
. many people tend to over-criticise
. pettiness
. hiding sadistic tendencies behind justice and truth-seeking

best practices:
. should be purely intellectual, without negative emotions
. criticizing, arguing and confrontation requires good deal of mastery to have a transformational effect
. minimize hurting people and being petty


. helps to accept and respect others/ourselves/life for the way they are

. each person is a divine mystery, you might discover just some aspects of them

. acceptance
. non-prejudice
. non-reaction

best practices:
. exercise humility: realize that we don't know much about the person at all
. see each person in complete freshness of preception, without any held beliefs about them
. exercise a wide range of non-judgment

. some people want to get rid of judgment, though it can be very useful


best practices:
. appreciate as much of our reality as we can
. should not accept what is really bad


implies acceptance unconditionally without prejudice.
the other is accepted and respected for who they are in their uniqueness.


negative judgment can be an important response in some situations, however we do not need to react with strong negative emotions.

proper reaction:
. factual recognition
. accept the situation
. reasonable judgment
. transform the issue

problems and mistakes:
. if we want the world to be more loving, then and expressed hatred for those we believe are not loving enough would be counter-active to the larger purpose of building love

=Factual Recognition=

noticing the mere fact that something has happened (does not imply acceptence, judgment, rection etc).


entering into situation with already fixed judgment about some people

. often unfair
. unfairly generalized based on few trivial examples

. will not see who the person is in the moment

=Final Judgment=

is when one mentally puts another into a particular box and closes the lid

. are often unfair and unsupported generalizations

. stops further inquiry about the people, any contradicting information is discarded

  • The essential meaning of judgment is to discern what is true or right.
  • Spiritual teachings would not want to say that all discernment and all good judgment should be abandoned.



    What people are really upset about regarding judgment are prejudice judgments, unfair judgments, and cruel judgments. But these are really poor judgments

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  • Их не научили думать, не научили выбирать мужа или жену.
  • «Давай вместе тянуть лямку жизни»
  • Это активная заинтересованность в жизни и развитии объекта любви.

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