Stephan Goetschius's List: emotional ergonomics

• Finally, we are not individuals who form relationships. We are social animals, deeply interpenetrated with one another, who emerge out of relationships.

• Attunement: the ability to enter other minds and learn what they have to offer.

   Equipoise: the ability to serenely monitor the movements of one’s own mind and correct for biases and shortcomings.

   Metis: the ability to see patterns in the world and derive a gist from complex situations.

   Sympathy: the ability to fall into a rhythm with those around you and thrive in groups.

   Limerence: This isn’t a talent as much as a motivation. The conscious mind hungers for money and success, but the unconscious mind hungers for those moments of transcendence when the skull line falls away and we are lost in love for another, the challenge of a task or the love of God. Some people seem to experience this drive more powerfully than others.

• Perfectionists often get caught in the endless cycle of regret and blame that makes it difficult, if not impossible, to move on from their mistakes.
• hose who have perfectionist tendencies, but those tendencies do not rule — or ruin — their lives, are what psychiatrists call “adaptive” perfectionist
• He is O.K. being O.K. at some things.

• “maladaptive” perfectionists need to be the best at everything, and if they make a mistake, it’s a crisis. It is also not just about how they perceive themselves, but how others perceive them: they believe they will lose the respect of friends and colleagues if they fail. They have to hit all their marks all the time.
• They want to rigidly follow rules to get things “right,” and this often means they’re terribly uncreative, because creativity involves making mistakes, Dr. Szymanski says.
• “positive achievement striving,”

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• • and we call the successful boring

  • we don't know how to celebrate the learning that takes place, that is required for a relationship to survive. We celebrate the bad and the failed