Brian _'s List: Personal Development

• It usually takes only 5-10 minutes.
• Instead of pushing yourself to act, you’re riding a wave of energy that is actually pushing you.
• Sit quietly in a place where you won’t be distracted.  Take a few deep breaths to clear your mind.  Now identify whatever goal you’d like to work on.
• All you need is a clear, specific, measurable goal, but you don’t need a plan of action at this point.
• Now just sit and think about what you want.  Imagine this goal becoming real.  Let yourself daydream, but try to stay conscious as you do it.  Explore the goal in your mind.  Think about it actually happening, but don’t physically try to do anything yourself yet.
• Picture yourself doing the work and enjoying it.
• At first it feels good just to think about the goal, but eventually I start to feel a tension to get into motion.
• Now it’s time to pull out the virtual surfboard and catch the wave.
• This is essentially a process of arousal.
• Within a few minutes, you should be noticing different physical sensations in your body – IF your goal is attractive enough to you.

• Once you start feeling that positive tension in your body, stop and ask yourself this question:

   

  What can I do right now to make this goal a reality?

   

  As you ask this question, hold the expectation that the answer will be something simple that can be done in 30 minutes or less.

   

  Whatever reasonable answer pops into your head, accept it and act on it immediately.  At this point you should find it very easy to take action — it would be harder to procrastinate.

• Now you’ve caught the energy wave.  The next trick is to ride it as far as you can before it eventually dissipates.

   

  Get that simple task done as quickly as you can.

• But if you don’t know what to do next, that’s no problem.  Just stop again and ask yourself:

   

  What can I do right now to make this goal a reality?
• I focus on the goal, swirl it around in my mind, and build up the energy for a few minutes.  Then when I can’t remain still any longer, I ride the resulting wave

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• Guarantee the fun parts of your life first, and then schedule your work around them.
• . D   ecide in advance what times you will allocate each week to family time, entertainment, exercise, social activities, and personal hobbies. Guarantee an abundance of all your favorite leisure activities. > Then limit the amount of working hours each week to whatever is left. > >

• When you want to make a change in your life, especially a big one, you’ll typically meet resistance along the way. An effective strategy for rendering such resistance powerless is the strategy of overwhelming force. This is a military strategy of course, but we can co-opt it for our own personal development as well. Instead of merely dipping your toes into the change you’d like to make, you dive into it headfirst. Instead of undercommitting resources, you overcommit.
• Think of all the personal resources you can use to apply overwhelming force to one of your goals — your intelligence, intuition, skills, talents, time, money, family, relationships, reputation, assets, environment, etc. If you find that you’re stuck in a stalement vs. the resistance working against you (whether internal or external), then perhaps it’s time to apply to the strategy of overwhelming force and just get the job done.
• Ask yourself, “What would it take for me not only to achieve this goal but to absolutely dominate it?” What would you consider overkill?
• If you think you have an effective kill strategy for your goal, but it isn’t working too well, perhaps you’ve underestimated the resistance.
• Accept that your kill strategy may in fact be underkill, and what you think of as overkill may be just what you need.
• Once you see your overwhelming force strategy written down on paper, you may be thinking, “Wow… this would work, but it would take a lot of work to get it going.”
• Is it worth the price to you, or is it truly too expensive and not worth the effort?
• Once you figure out what it will really cost to achieve your goal, you can then decide whether you’re willing to pay that price or not.
• In a handful of situations, we get lucky and achieve the goal more cheaply. But in most situations, we waste tremendous time and energy pursuing goals that never get achieved.
• Imagine what your life would be like if you could achieve most of your goals on the first try because you applied overwhelming force. Your first diet took you quickly to your goal weight. Your first attempt to quit smoking lead you to become a permanent nonsmoker. Your first attempt to find a fantastic job succeeded. No rework, retesting, repeating, recommitting, revamping, re-anything.

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• Whenever you set a new goal, you’re unlikely to achieve it unless your habits already support it. If your goal runs afoul of your current habits, you’ll need to change your habits in order to achieve your goal.

• Identify Habits to Support Your Goals

   

  When you set a new goal, think about what habits would enable you to put that goal on autopilot, thereby making it a done deal.
• It’s usually best to think in terms of daily habits, especially for big goals. Daily habits are easier to install than less frequent habits. (For details on successfully installing irregular habits, see the article How to Maintain Not-Quite-Daily Habits.)
• Ask yourself: What daily discipline(s) would make this goal a done deal? The answer to that question will tell you what habit(s) to install. If you can condition and maintain those habits, you’ll very likely achieve your goal. It’s only a matter of time.

• Be Specific

   

  Make your habits specific. Identify when, where, and how you’ll implement them. Leave nothing to chance.

• Start With a 30-Day Trial

   

  Use the 30-day trial approach to kick-start your new habit. This method has a high success rate and can be adapted for virtually any habit you’d like to install. (For details on how to do this, see the article 30 Days to Success.)

• Eliminate Interference

   

  Nuke any obstacles that may interfere with your new habit. Clear commitments from your schedule that would overlap the time you’ve allotted for your habit.

   

  Notify other people that this time is sacred and that they do NOT have permission to disturb you at these times.

   

  Make sure you have all the equipment and supplies you’ll need to implement your habit. You don’t want to start on Day 1 with lots of enthusiasm, only to discover you’re missing something important and can’t proceed.

   

  Give yourself every advantage before you begin. Review the article Habit Change Is Like Chess to make sure you account for the early game, middle game, and endgame of habit change. Don’t fall into the trap of blitzing for Scholar’s Mate and putting yourself in a disadvantaged position from Day 1.

• Identify Supporting Habits

   

  Take time to identify any supporting habits that will support your main habit, thereby supporting your primary goal as well.
• Work on installing your main habit and all critical supporting habits at the same time if possible. If this is too much to handle, then install the supporting habits first. You can tackle them one by one with consecutive 30-day trials if you wish. Once the supporting habits are in place, you can then tackle the main habit.

• Commit Yourself Publicly

   

  If you need some extra incentive to stick with your 30-day trial, get other people involved to help you. Commit to your new habit publicly. Put yourself on record, so it will be harder to wimp out.
• If that isn’t enough, then make a promise or bet with someone — with a significant consequence if you fail. Add some pain to the mix to ensure that you’ll do your best to follow through. This kind of positive stress can be very motivating, especially if you consider yourself somewhat lazy.

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• Once you’ve overcome inertia, it’s much easier to keep going.
• Yet we often psyche ourselves out of getting started by mentally thinking about the change as something permanent — before we’ve even begun.
• But what if you thought about making the change only temporarily — say for 30 days — and then you’re free to go back to your old habits? That doesn’t seem so hard anymore.
• Any perceived deprivation is only temporary. You can count down the days to freedom. And for at least 30 days, you’ll gain some benefit. It’s not so bad. You can handle it. It’s only one month out of your life.
• Now if you actually complete a 30-day trial, what’s going to happen? First, you’ll go far enough to establish it as a habit, and it will be easier to maintain than it was to begin it. Secondly, you’ll break the addiction of your old habit during this time. Thirdly, you’ll have 30 days of success behind you, which will give you greater confidence that you can continue. And fourthly, you’ll gain 30 days worth of results, which will give you practical feedback on what you can expect if you continue, putting you in a better place to make informed long-term decisions.
• But even if you aren’t ready to make it permanent, you can opt to extend your trial period to 60 or 90 days.
• Another benefit of this approach is that you can use it to test new habits where you really aren’t sure if you’d even want to continue for life.
• There’s no shame in stopping if you know the new habit doesn’t suit you.

• Here are some other ideas for applying 30-day trials:

   
   
  • Give up TV. Tape all your favorite shows and save them until the end of the trial. My whole family did this once, and it was very enlightening.
   
  • Give up online forums, especially if you feel you’re becoming forum addicted. This will help break the addiction and give you a clearer sense of how participation actually benefits you (if at all). You can always catch up at the end of 30 days.
   
  • Shower/bathe/shave every day. I know YOU don’t need this one, so please pass it along to someone who does.
   
  • Meet someone new every day. Start up a conversation with a stranger.
   
  • Go out every evening. Go somewhere different each time, and do something fun — this will be a memorable month.
   
  • Spend 30 minutes cleaning up and organizing your home or office every day. That’s 15 hours total.
   
  • List something new to sell on ebay every day. Purge some of that clutter.
   
  • Ask someone new out on a date every day. Unless your success rate is below 3%, you’ll get at least one new date, maybe even meet your future spouse.
   
  • If you’re already in a relationship, give your partner a massage every day. Or offer to alternate who gives the massage each day, so that’s 15 massages each.
• • Give up cigarettes, soda, junk food, coffee, or other unhealthy addictions.
   
  • Become an early riser.
   
  • Write in your journal every day.
   
  • Call a different family member, friend, or business contact every day.
   
  • Make 25 sales calls every day to solicit new business. Professional speaker Mike Ferry did this five days a week for two years, even on days when he was giving seminars. He credits this habit with helping build his business to over $10 million in annual sales. If you make 1300 sales calls a year, you’re going to get some decent business no matter how bad your sales skills are. You can generalize this habit to any kind of marketing work, like building new links to your web site.
   
  • Write a new blog entry every day.
   
  • Read for an hour a day on a subject that interests you.
   
  • Meditate every day.
   
  • Learn a new vocabulary word every day.
   
  • Go for a long walk every day.
• Again, don’t think that you need to continue any of these habits beyond 30 days. Think of the benefits you’ll gain from those 30 days alone. You can re-assess after the trial period. You’re certain to grow just from the experience, even if it’s temporary.

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• What personal stories have you locked away in the secret vault of your mind, vowing never to share them publicly? What would shame you terribly if it were ever posted on the Internet and connected with your real name for anyone to see? What events or habits from your past or present would you feel embarrassed to talk about?

   

  This is precisely what you need to share with others — openly and publicly.

• Authenticity

   

  If you can’t share your humiliation publicly, you haven’t gotten over it yet. And if you’re not over it yet, you’ve still got this gaping wound in your heart, and it will always keep you from being 100% authentic.
• It’s about having nothing to hide.

• Shields Down

   

  There’s no such thing as selective shielding. If you have to shield any part of yourself from being discovered and judged, you shield your entire being.
• Lower your shields.
• Other people don’t want or expect you to be perfect. They want to connect with you and to be able to trust that you’re being honest with them. When you hide all your personal defects, you come across as fake, phony, or shielded. People may still communicate with you on a superficial level, but they won’t go out of their way to help you as a fellow human being. Why not? Because they won’t know the real you.

• From Sorrow to Joy

   

  When you share your shame with others, you transform your resistance into acceptance and your sorrow into joy. You learn that there’s a reason you had to endure certain experiences, even if they were self-inflicted. Your painful experiences can actually help you connect with other people on a deeper level than you imagined possible.
• I believe the ability to embrace failure is even more important than the ability to visualize success. You can visualize success all you want, but if you’re afraid to fail, your visualizations will never become reality.

• Be Willing to Fail

   

  When we fall into the pattern of hiding our past failures, we set ourselves up for long-term stagnation. We have to be willing to say, “If I fail at this, it’s okay. I’m human. I don’t have to be perfect. I can fail and keep right on going.”

• Failure isn’t something to be avoided. It’s a natural part of life. To resist failure is to resist life itself.

   

  Failure is our greatest teacher. We learn a lot more from failure than we do from success.
• Money is simply a medium for exchanging value, so if I can create and share an abundance of value, I can enjoy abundant exchanges too.
• Stop trying to make new friends, and just assume that everyone I meet is already my best friend. This is how people want to be treated anyway. Don’t try to break the ice; assume there is no ice.

• What Are You Hiding?

   

  No matter what you’re hiding, the odds are that someone else has already shared worse. If a hitman can speak publicly about the dozens of murders he’s committed, surely you can open up about your anorexia problem, your abusive relationship, or your Internet porn addiction. Others have already shared their stories on these topics, which enables them to help others with similar challenges. Why not you?
• Do you need permission to do this? Okay, I hereby grant you permission to be human. You have the right to be a total screw-up. You have the right to harbor the most politically incorrect thoughts. You have the right to struggle with the most socially unacceptable addictions. And you have the right to admit it in public.
• If you’re worried that you’ll lose friends and contacts by outing yourself, let me suggest that you’re trying to hold on to relationships that aren’t worth maintaining. Any relationships that would reject you for being true to yourself are — by definition — abusive relationships. You’ll be much better off when you let them go.

• Come Out, Come Out, Wherever You Are

   

  You don’t have to share your painful stories all at once. You can build up to this gently. Instead of trying to be authentic overnight, focus on becoming more authentic. Tell a story that would embarrass you a little, but it wouldn’t kill you to share it. Listen to the feedback you receive. Do you feel a sense of relief afterwards? Do you feel more connected to other people? Do you feel a little more open and free? Do you feel less stressed?

   

  For every embarrassing story that you can’t imagine ever sharing publicly, just say to yourself, “I know this is an unnecessary block to love, but right now I lack the strength to let it go. However, I intend to become the kind of person who can eventually share this, thereby transforming my sorrow into joy.”

   

  Be at peace.

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• A huge part of a man’s attractiveness comes from his ability to lead.
• “….Just DECIDE, what it’s going to be, who you’re going to be, and how you’re going to do it, just DECIDE, and then from that point, the universe is going to get out of your way, it’s like water…” - Will Smith
• I see more and more men who settle to just flow with the crowd without taking the time to decide what they want

• they are busier thinking up excuses why they can’t do something, instead of trying to figure out how they can do it.

   

  The man who isn’t constantly making important decisions in his life has no vision, and with no vision there aren’t strong goals, and without goals, there is no progress — only mediocrity at best.

   

  When it comes to making an important decision, you should have no hesitation to get out a piece of paper and a pen, sit down with a cup of coffee, and spend however long it takes to work it out. It should be second nature.
• He shapes his reality by deciding what, why, and how things are going to happen.
• But the biggest mistake is always trying so hard not to make any.
• LAUNCH AND GET GOING, and appropriately adjust their course as they go.
• Is there any situation in your life right now that needs a decision? What have been holding off?
• Today, try making all the necessary decisions you can before the day ends. Don’t leave anything to chance or delay any longer. Not only will you realize how many decisions you may be procrastinating on, but you’ll realize how much power is contained in a moment of choice.
• A great leader always thinks about what the situation needs, not just his own selfish needs.
• It’s hard to find great leaders today because nobody ever wants to be the one to blame if something goes wrong. The way we were raised by our parents and in school conditioned us to fear making mistakes and being rejected.
• No matter what happens to us, we can do something to improve the situation.
• but all of the most successful people I know have an unending list of “failures” under their belt. They wouldn’t be where they are, living their dream, if it wasn’t for all the “mistakes” and “failures” that happened along the way.
• A great leader isn’t afraid to fail or make mistakes. And they don’t take what other people think of them too seriously either.
• They lead themselves into action, take the load on their shoulders, and people inevitably follow.
• The leading man consistently takes actions towards his goals until he achieves them.  He works and works, changing his approach when it’s not working
• Countless studies have found that the most successful people are quick to make decisions and slow if ever to change them, where unsuccessful people are always slow to make decisions and quick to change them.
• When successful leaders make choices, they do not RELENT. They’ll do whatever it takes to reach their goals, to live up to their decision.
• The more you keep your word to yourself, the more power you will gain. To the point where if you say you’re going to do something, not only do you have complete confidence that you’ll do it, but others will trust you as well. This is monumentally important to becoming a great leader.
• The most successful and attractive men out there, are those who can make the hard decisions, take full responsibility for their choices, and take relentless action towards their goals.

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• One of the surest ways to display confidence is by having a strong, clear voice that isn’t afraid of being heard.
• you should talk in a volume that can move easily across a room, and in a clear tone that everyone can understand.
• You’d be surprised how many guys have a problem with low volume, mumbling, or being monotone. It’s really not an area guys pay attention to or make an effort to fix.
• It doesn’t matter what you say if people can’t hear you! Weak voices can give the impression of fear and anxiety, two impressions you don’t want to give.
• When I was first working on my voice, I realized that the only thing holding me back was that I cared what other people thought of me. I worried that other people would listen in on my conversations. But I realized I was just being stupid and paranoid because I would never see these people again
• I’m not saying that you should be running around speaking in a unnecessarily loud volume.
• Whenever I tell my clients they need to increase the volume of their voice and project more, they feel as if they are yelling when in fact one wouldn’t even consider it “moderate” or normal volume.
• If you have a weak voice, it might even mean that you’re not talking enough throughout the day. Have you ever gone throughout a whole day without saying a word, and then all of a sudden you bump into a friend, only to let out a squeak of a hello?

• What You Need To Do To Build Your Voice

   

  Wherever you are, practice throughout the day.
• To develop good voice projection, remember this principle: your strength doesn’t depend on your mouth or throat, but on your lungs.

• To develop that support:

   
   
  1. Sitting straight, place one hand on your belly and another behind your back opposite your hand on your belly.
   
  2. Breath in, attempting to move both hands out as far as possible (it takes a lot of strength to get your hand on your back to move; don’t worry if it doesn’t). This is belly breathing. Notice how it feels; this is how you want to breath when you speak in order to use your full lung capacity and get the fullest, strongest, and richest sound.
   
  3. Exhale quickly, but make no sound as you do so. Sound is an indication of tension.
   
  4. Breath in again. Now, when you exhale, say the first letter of the alphabet.
   
  5. Continue until you reach Z. As you progress through the alphabet, pretend that with each letter you are speaking to a target farther and farther away. Pause if you get lightheaded, and wait a few seconds before you go again. By the time you reach the end, you should be very loud and strong. If you’re still breathing right, you will be stronger than you could be breathing normally.
• I just always remember to pick a target 25-50 feet away and “project” as though my voice was pitched for that object alone. You will be surprised at how much voice you have and how far it actually carries.

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• The type of person that is unafraid to live how they want, totally free from restraint.
• A badass has an “I don’t give a damn” attitude.
• Badasses are natural leaders.
• Badasses get what they want.
• They don’t tolerate BS.
• Excitement. This is, hands down, the most coveted trait of them all. Badasses, renegades, outliers, whatever you want to call them, live on the edge.
• Regular People Exist, Badasses Live
• Say what you mean. Don’t beat around the bush. Use strong, powerful language.
• Also avoid using politically correct language. Don’t dumb down your words.
• Question authority.
• Listen to yourself first, before you listen to the experts.
• Be independent. Don’t rely on anyone else to tell you that something is possible, and don’t seek anyone else’s permission to do what you want.
• Don’t tolerate BS.
• keeping it real always comes first.
• Push your threshold of uncertainty. A true badass is not afraid of taking risks.
• Face reality head on. You don’t shirk away from responsibility.
• Do what you want.
• You know that most rules are social agreements, so you have no problem pursuing your passions while everyone else is complaining that it’s not practical.

• Remember, even if you think you’re shy or you’re not made out for the prolific life, that’s just your ego talking.

   

  Your inner renegade is in there, waiting to be unleashed.

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• A while back, one of my friends was telling me a story - the topic of the story was not particularly interesting – but the way that he told the story kept me so engaged that not even a grenade blowing through the wall of the room could have distracted me.
• I’m talking about having a whole room filled with dozens of people captivated
• He could convince a whole party to move to another location or get everyone laughing in a few seconds. It was like he was the main event everyone came to see, and those who met him for the first time, NEVER forgot who he was.

• Using different channels of communication

   

  In order to really engage someone in conversation, you have to first understand their dominant “channel of communication.”
• some people are more visual and need to SEE things in their mind, some understand better just by LISTENING to someone talk, and others try to FEEL how another person may be feeling by putting themselves in their shoes.

• Personally, when I’m listening to someone talk, I always put myself in their shoes and focus on feeling the same emotions as they do to understand them better. I’ve especially had to do this a lot with the women I’ve dated, and over the years this really become my dominant channel in which I connected with people.

   

  I do this so much that recently I found myself not talking for a long time in a social setting. When asked a question, my answer almost made no sense, because I was still stuck in the mode of “feeling” out the environment around me. I automatically tune into this channel first because I enjoy listening to others and really getting to know them, but at any moment I can snap myself out of it and get into my talkative mode.
• You can usually tell what a person’s dominant form of communication is by the way they talk. If they are more visual, they usually say things like “Picture this,” or “Can’t you see what I’m talking about?” They’ll also talk a lot faster because they don’t really care how they’re sounding at the moment -  they know that as long as they make the picture clear you’ll understand them.
• Someone who is more in tune with their emotions will talk more slowly, pause for emphasis, and usually look down or to the side when explaining something to you. If they’re going back to a past event, they try to feel the emotions that they felt during that time.

• Speak in their language
   

   

  Once you realize a person’s dominant form of communication, you can more easily relate to them.
• The more you speak in another person’s common channel, the more likely they’ll keep tuned into what you’re saying, understand you clearly, and feel that much more connected to you.
• If you’re telling a story, the key is to replicate reality as much as possible.
• Infuse emotion into what you’re saying through your facial expressions, your gestures, your eyes, your body language, and your voice. Paint a clear picture with descriptive words,
• So when you’re one on one with someone, try to speak in their most dominant mode of communication at the time. Are they very visual? Do they try to a paint a picture for you all the time? Or do they always describe how they are feeling?
• When you’re in a group setting, the key is to use as MANY channels of communication as possible to keep everyone engaged.
• When you’re out socializing, as often as you can, paint a visual picture, use sound effects, use descriptive words, use analogies and metaphors, talk about how you’re feeling, and use all the senses to describe things to get people excited and engaged about what you’re saying.
• If you want to see a master of hitting all “channels of communication”, watch comedian Dane Cook.
• Notice how he uses his body to illustrate, uses sound effects, uses descriptive and colorful language, and makes you feel like you were there by even reenacting parts of the story for you.
• Mastering this one skill will ensure that you captivate an audience (big or small) and make a lasting impression on anyone.

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• If you had MASSIVE amounts of confidence in yourself, how would your life be different right now?

   

  What would be different in your career? How would your relationships change?

   

  No matter who you are, you can build unstoppable confidence.
• But waiting for external factors to give you confidence is like building your house on sandy ground. When the flood comes, your house will be washed away and left in ruins.
• The men who are really exceptional with women have an unshakable difference. Their confidence is not grounded upon past experience or external validation, but their confidence is built on the belief that no matter what happens, they can trust that they’ll handle it and take immediate correct action.
• So the confidence doesn’t come from how many women you can attract, but comes from being a man who is always moving towards his goals and being unshaken by the inevitable ups and downs of living life.
• You can build unstoppable confidence by maintaining a high level of TRUST with yourself. All you have to do is consistently follow through with the tasks you assign yourself. Nothing will give you more belief in yourself than being a highly self-directed person.
• Self-confidence = how much we like ourselves.

• How much we like ourselves = level of self-dominion.

   

  What is self-dominion? It’s our ability to get ourselves to actually do what we want ourselves to do; in other words, self-discipline and self-trust.
• Every time we fail to listen to our inner voice, and do not take action in something that we need to, we lose trust with ourselves and our abilities. This lack of self faith continues to spiral downwardly as we flounder to control ourselves.
•  How to Begin Building Your Unstoppable Confidence

• We’re all familiar with the concept of momentum. When we do something well, regardless of how small the task, we build positive energy and momentum.

   

  The more we proactively direct ourselves and succeed at doing so, we create momentum that sets us on an upward spiral towards unstoppable confidence.
• The small wins with ourselves, directly affect how much we like ourselves. Each time we successfully follow through, we build trust in ourselves to keep pushing forward beyond our current comfort zone.
• Your ability to take control of yourself and move towards your heart’s deepest desires will give you loads more confidence than any external factors like how much money you have, the car you drive, or how many women flirt with you can ever give you.

• 13 Tips for Building Momentum

   

  In order to build your self-esteem, you must establish yourself as the master of your own life. Every single minute of your life is a moment you can change for the better.
• 1. Start Small
• What are some small actions you can take immediately to demonstrate that you are capable of achieving goals you’ve set for yourself?
• 2. Create a Compelling Vision
• When you are this person, how will you feel? How will others perceive you? What does your body language look like? How will you talk?
• 3. Do Something that Scares You
• 4. Socialize
• 5. Set Goals
• What are you especially good at or enjoy doing?
• 6. Do Something You Are Good At
• 7. Get Clarity on Life Areas
• 8. Help Others Feel Good About Themselves
• 9. Create a Plan
• 10. No More Comparisons
• if you were the only person in the world, do you think you could have low-self esteem?
• 11. Get Motivated
• go find a friend or family member and ask them “What do you like about me?” “What are my strengths?” or “What do you love about me?”
• 12. Getting External Compliments
• 13. Affirmations & Introspection
• Say something like “I am sitting here being very unproductive right now, is this the ideal me? What would be my best self?”

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• What would your personality be like if you hung around the 300 Spartans? For one, it would probably help eradicate every bit of wuss you have lying around inside.

• your image is useless if there’s no personality behind it to communicate.

   

  Then the question arose: what are the most EFFECTIVE ways to build an attractive personality?
• Alone, the process can be slow and full of mistakes, but by surrounding yourself with some of the best, you cut down the learning time tremendously by picking up on the crucial principles and details that only experiential success can bring.
• You become the average of those who you’re constantly around.
• The fastest and most effective way to grow a part of your personality is to surround yourself with people who already have what you want.

• Have you ever caught yourself acting just like the friends you hang around most?

   

  Most of this is subconscious.  
• It might be certain vocabulary you use, the tonality in how you say a word, or even your attitude towards life. When we hang around people long enough, we inevitably move towards similar behaviors, beliefs, and ways of living without even thinking about it.
• Choose who you surround yourself with carefully, because they could be rubbing off on you, in both beneficial or detrimental ways. We can easily become a sponge that absorbs the behaviors of those we stay in contact with most.
• The Mastermind Group
• 
• Coined by Napolean Hill, a man who studied thousands of the most successful people in the world and distilled the commonalities into the principles in the book, Think and Grow Rich, the “mastermind group” is a must for anyone serious about growth…
• Everyone has attractive qualities to their personality. For example, your friend might be horrible in a social setting but a genius when it comes to computers. If you want to build your computer savvy, you’ll learn faster from him than if you were to try and learn by yourself through books alone.
• This is definitely true for developing your style. Surround yourself with the most stylish people you can find, and see how great of an impact it has on your own image. 
• you can surround yourself with successful people through books, tapes, videos, or whatever way you can find until you create a direct relationship with one in the area of your choice. However, a direct relationship with successful people has so many more benefits including having a “coach” who has been through the process to help you through your obstacles, having someone who you can bounce ideas with, and having that “real life” example of success to fuel your belief.
• You can’t just read the walkthroughs and say you know how to beat a video game. It’s only through personal experience that you can show others you’re for real.
• Nothing beats first-hand experience.
• Most people settle for second-hand knowledge but true power comes to you when you convert that second-hand knowledge to first-hand experience.
• The key is to the constant application of whatever you are learning, while accepting the fact that you will inevitable mess things up at times. 
• Your beliefs define your reality, and thus affect your behavior.
• Your goal should always be to get to first-hand experience, so that you can build the belief pillars that will hold up who you are inside.
• First-hand experience > Second-hand knowledge (direct) > Second-hand knowledge (indirect)
• If you can’t get experience for yourself, the next best way is to get it from someone who is directly connected to you. Then there is indirect second-hand knowledge that you can get from books, audio tapes, DVDs, etc.
• This also explains why so many men who get into self-help, reading hundreds of books and attending countless seminars, are unable to fix their lives even when they have “all the answers.” They want to become millionaires but they don’t truly believe that they can be. They have first-hand experiences that hold them back and neutralize all the surface level, empowering knowledge that they’ve learned.
• This is why you have to get out there and test every piece of knowledge for yourself, while keeping those who are already there around you so that you have some real evidence to fall back on when you fall.
• What usually happens to most people at this stage is that they keep trying to push themselves to practice but don’t have enough leverage to stick through it. They just don’t have enough belief to fuel them forward.
• This is why it’s important to surround yourself with someone who can show you the path to take
• They can get you off your ass and give you something to trust in, giving you faith when you need it.
• Get as many references from others as possible, but immerse yourself in the obtaining of first-hand experience. If you learn something new, try it out, see for yourself, and make it your own.
• Something you can implement immediately is to do one thing each day that is out of your comfort zone. Just do something you haven’t tried in order to gain the experience.
• I’ve found that the ones who learn the quickest are the ones who are willing to put their ego aside, and potentially make a fool of themselves for that first-hand experience.
• You miss one hundred percent of the shots you don’t take”
• If you’re trying to build a more attractive personality, the most effective way to do this is to surround yourself with people who are better than you in an area you want to improve.
• Whether you’re trying to learn how to be funnier, more confident with women, or more stylish, go out there and get as much DIRECT second-hand knowledge as possible, but remember to work harder to take action on it and make it your OWN (first-hand) experience.
• This in turn will create the BELIEF structure that will fuel you towards more growth in that area. Without any belief you won’t have the foundation to grow at all.

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• Plan
  Before you go to bed today, write down exactly what you are going to work on tomorrow.
• This can be as simple as writing down the three most important tasks that you have to accomplish the next day.
• I also recommend that you order them after priority. If you could only get one task done tomorrow, what would it be?
• Visualize
  I have found positive visualization to be extremely efficient in motivating, inspiring, and encouraging me to take action.
• Single-Task
  In order to really be able to focus, you need to single task. That means eliminating any distractions that you might have.
• Now, I still have the urge to check my mail and chat with my friends, but I refuse to do so until I have finished all my most important tasks for the day.
• Work Offline
  One of the best ways to become highly productive is to work off-line. Now, sometimes this isn't possible, but when it is, it will dramatically boost the amount of work you can get done.
• You alone are responsible for your results, and no one else.
• Get Rid of Your Inner Critic
  Last, but definitely not least is the ability to temporarily suspend your inner critic and eliminate perfectionism.
• This is extremely valuable for me as a writer, because trying to produce creative work while trying to edit it at the same time leaves me with a blank mind
• There are no limits, except the ones that you impose on yourself.

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• What happens when you need to make a big decision? The trick is to apply some of your gut instincts that you use in your daily, simple decision making to the big choices too.
• 10 Steps to Simplify a Complicated Decision
• Be debt free
• If you don't have debt, you can put less emphasis on the financial element of your decision.
• Don't ask everyone about what you should do.
• Consult the people who will be directly affected by your decision and let everyone else know what you've decided, with confidence.
• High/Low
• What is the best thing and worst thing about each choice? Is the best thing worth putting up with the worst things?
• Call it
• when presented with the choice, your gut/heart/intuition or whatever it is that speaks to you, will give you an immediate answer. Write it down.
• That written answer could be the tie breaker.
• Be grateful for the opportunity
• Once you realize how fortunate you are to have the choice put in front of you, you can act accordingly.
• Consider the escape clause.
• Recognizing that something is reversible, makes it easier to take the leap.
• Take the pressure off.
• Let go of the drama and consider the facts. Trust yourself. If you can't make a choice, go back to #4.
• Consider option C.
• Often we put ourselves in a position of choosing A or B. Don't be afraid to create C.
• Rinse and repeat.
• Remember how you made your last great decision and do that again.
• Believe it.
• Once you make your choice, believe in it.
• Let go of the what ifs and make the best of your new opportunity.

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