William Naish's List: Being alone

• the reason why I travel alone is because I want to do my own thing – I socialise with other holidaymakers, but I don’t want to be forced.

• Solitude is an important route to creativity; indeed, research on creative and talented teenagers suggests that the most talented youngsters are those who treasure their solitude.
• I'm surprised at how the popular long lunch hour has been replaced by a lunchtime muffin at the desk followed by dinner next to the computer.
• breaks in the workday are rapidly disappearing. People today, caught in a struggle to produce work at the rate demanded by society, never consider the lack of alone moments.
• Once they do, they may decide to take control of their professional life by self-demoting, plateauing or turning down promotions, career shifting by changing to a less-pressured field, or employing themselves.

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• are we routinely using the computer and television to find alonetime without really realizing our unfulfilled alone need? Or are we becoming incapable of living in the moment except in technological time-outs like the computer?
• More and more, people are getting annoyed by the accessibility of modem hookups and the prevalence of telephones (on airplanes and in hotel rooms) because it makes them feel like they must work.
• Romantic love and a stable relationship were once seen as antithetical to each other. Now, according to one study on couples, "The two are supposed to exist in harmony. Partners are supposed to be able to switch from lawn-mowing and diapers to torrid sex at the drop of a hat;
• The strain on couples to be all things to each other is no less than the general strain on people in all areas of society.
• I suggest learning to view solitude as part of ordinary experience rather than an artificial barrier against involvement with the world.

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• Meaningful alonetime, it turns out, is a powerful need and a necessary tonic in today's rapid-fire world. Indeed, solitude actually allows us to connect to others in a far richer way.
• We live in a society that worships independence yet deeply fears alienation: our era is sped-up and overconnected.
• Yet in another, more profound way, we are terminally out of touch. The need for genuine and constructive aloneness has gotten utterly lost, and, in the process, so have we.
• Both the need to be alone and to engage others are essential to human happiness and survival, with equally provocative claims.
• Our error is in presuming that aloneness and attachment are either/or conditions. They are at odds only when they are pitted against each other.
• the phrase "time out" suggests that, in the theatre of life, relating and stimulation are the important dramas and alonetime merely intermission
• In the past century, the way we have handled aloneness has changed dramatically. "Alone" did not always mean an absence of others. The word was coined in medieval times, and originally signified a completeness in one's singular being.
• completeness in one's singular bein
• solitude" typically meant the experience of oneness with God
• people associate going it alone with antisocial pursuits and unnecessary risk taking. Perhaps most striking, solitude conjures up pangs of loneliness.
• Most people seek balance through finding someone or something that will keep them in the world with peers and alone in contentment.
• Many societies that emphasize close-knit family patterns also provide built-in loopholes that offer individual escape, acceptable ways to dissociate from society
• Western travelers to Japan in particular are impressed by the niches set aside in public spaces for individuals to sit alone.

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• Diane Redfern, founder of Connecting: Solo Travel Network (CSTN), says “It used to be your sun-and-sand holiday...Now they’re going to Antarctica and doing everything.” (1)
• According to a survey conducted by Leger Travel, half of British holidaymakers would like to travel by themselves (2).
• Approximately one-third of today's adult population lives a single lifestyle. “We’re divorced, widowed, married to spouses who don’t care to travel, or we’re just plain single,” said Redfern (3).
• Solitude is useful,” solo traveller Murray said, simply. “If I have a couple hours to myself and start thinking, I have all of these ruminations about the world. All my thinking happens when I'm all by myself.”
• It can teach us fortitude and the ability to satisfy our own needs. It brings forth our longing to explore, our curiosity about the unknown, our will to be an individual, our hopes for freedom. Alone time is fuel for life.”
• Sarah Topa travelled through Scotland alone and although she missed companionship, she loved having the freedom to do what she wanted, when she wanted. “Sometimes it's nice to be anonymous. You don't have to answer to anyone,” Sarah said. “You can see the city the way you want.”
• Several travel companies have emerged to cater, in various ways, to the single traveller. Absolute Travel searches for a travel companion, introduces people via email, and offers a travel itinerary.
• Murray said that he rarely ventures out on his own, except, crucially, for music. “I leave everyone else I know and hang out with strangers when I want to listen to bluegrass music.” When enjoying music, Murray would rather be surrounded by other bluegrass-music-lovers instead of close friends who are mere bluegrass-music-likers or worse, bluegrass-music-toleraters. An organized trip for bluegrass musicians to the US Midwest, for example, might bring an automatic sense of ease and connectedness.
• Several interviewees expressed the desire to go fishing or camping on their own for a few days. Most current packages designed for the young person span several months to a year; but interestingly, when speaking to people about embarking on a ‘spirit quest’, several interviewees said they only wanted a short time for reflection - something which suggests there could be a gap for weekend trips away.
• John Cacioppo, in his book Loneliness, reported that loneliness is relative: people only feel lonely in communities where social connection is the norm (6).

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• a personal performance staged by Ontroerend Goed, a Belgian troupe. The actor who indulged me in some transient courtship is one of the artists at the One-On-One Festival, now taking place at London's Battersea Arts Centre (BAC) from July 6th to the 18th.
• one audience member interacts with one artist
• It's a genre pioneered by Dutch and Belgian artists over the past two decades, and has been steadily spreading ever since.
• Howells explains he abandoned conventional theatre for more intimate work a decade ago because he was tired of performing to audiences who "didn't give a monkeys about me".
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  Ontroerend Goed formed in 1994 as a group of experimental youngsters who wanted to test the limits of the medium. They now boast a string of international awards, and have performed at the Edinburgh festival since 2007.
• One ticket entitles guests to three theatrical performances. These experiences are selected at random, but it is possible to tailor your ticket by telling the curators your preferences:
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  Intimacy is a big part of the one-on-one experience, but audience members are well looked after.
• In "Below" by Sarah Johns, I was led, blindfolded, into a room. The blindfold was removed and I stood next to her, inches between us, facing a mirror in candlelight. She sang, a capella, a beautiful pure song, and then led me to the door.
• As a lone audience member, I found myself feeling both more conscious and conscientious, more aware of myself as an essential ingredient in a theatrical transaction.
• Jubb tells me that most people describe their experiences here as positive. They come away with feelings of joy, calm and curiosity, having been engaged in both body and mind.
• different from the typical experience of a West End show, whereby a room full of passive ticket-buyers take in the entertainment on a proscenium stage.
• Though each audience member is singled out to experience something unique and personal, the experience prompts much excited chatter.
• One-on-one theatre is still rather niche, but Jubb believes the popular response to this festival illustrates a growing appetite for it. Performers, like Howells, believe there is a need for human interaction in our wired-up world,

  • this is an interesting idea: that intimate experiences have to be outsourced because of their paucity in day-to-day interaction - is this genuinely the case? Are relationships now almost exclusively digital?

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• Laptopistan’s is an entrepreneurial economy, driven by solitary thinkers.

• every facet of the creative economy working under one roof, not so much together as in tandem.

   

    “Here, people have large ambitions,” Mr. Olinger said. “Some have resources, some don’t. They don’t have career plans mapped out, but they have a career in mind. They’re not looking at a particular ladder to climb, they’re looking at a mountain to conquer.”
• Though home offices seem like the perfect work environment, their unrestricted silence, uninterrupted solitude and creature comforts breed distraction. In Laptopistan, I focused with intense precision, sitting motionless for hours at a time.
• “but the fact that people are watching me do my work helps me be what they expect me to be. It’s like working exhibitionism.”

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• Silence Is Golden. There is no prohibition on talking, of course, but, as one Atlas regular of several years, Joelle Hann, explained, “there’s almost a code that people aren’t going to talk loud.” When people’s phones ring, they run outside as fast as possible to take the call
• “If someone’s on Skype or having a conversation, people make an effort to chill out their conversations with looks,” said Ms. Hann, a yoga teacher and a freelance journalist and textbook editor. “When they don’t stop, you can feel the tension.”
• Respect Personal Space.
• Mind Your Neighborhood. When you get up to take a call, get coffee or use the washroom, you need only to look at a neighbor, make eye contact, look back at your computer and nod.
• in their 20s, 30s or early 40s, split evenly between men and women. The dress is casual, with both sexes wearing T-shirts, sweaters and jeans, though a few women seem dressed for “work” with button-down blouses, blazers, even a dress or two.
• “I’ve made friends with people because I’m the only guy without a computer,” he told me, quietly, one morning. “A book can be a conversation starter.”
• Mallory Roberts, a longhaired freelance astrophysicist, said that he had met two girlfriends (now exes), and his current roommate, via power-strip negotiations.
• There’s a recognition here,” he added, “that people come to a cafe to not be alone.

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• On a day when the cafe Internet connection had already been down for four hours, and the toilet had been blocked for even longer, I thought I had seen these worker bees pushed to their limit. But I had underestimated them. Nothing could stir these people. They were not in New York; they were citizens of Laptopistan.
• Within seconds of opening my mouth, I felt a change in the room. Eyes rose from their screens and landed on us — the zombies were awake, and they weren’t happy. One of them passed our table on the way to the washroom and let loose what can only be described as a snicker.
• I needed a place to work. Someone suggested Atlas. I swallowed my skepticism and got my passport ready.
• two rows of old church pews formed into an elongated L, each fronted by small wooden tables and chairs. Scattered along the pews are tattered blue tubular pillows, for lumbar support. Windows run along the walls, flooding the computer zone with natural light during the day, creating a fishbowl effect for those inside looking out, and for passers-by, who frequently stop and stare at the tableau.

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• machines will tear us away from “real” relationships between humans by seducing us to enjoy safe and loyal relationships with robots or by facilitating distance by encouraging us to use text, email, and video chat instead of in-person conversations.
•  Alone Together is divided into two parts: our interaction with robots and our relentless connectivity thanks to mobile phones and the Internet. I
• e tone of the book unfortunately turns the charming and delicate companionship between robotic toys and children into a pathetic cry for attention by children. Turkle wrongly believes that by using robots, we are in fact using machines to do what is “love’s labor: caring for each other.”
• We think Turkle is right to flag concern on the amount of time spent saying “Waasssup” and receiving a banal sentence in return on text and IM, but we also think she is wrong in dismissing this form of communication as insincere and shallow.
• e need to learn how to manage these technologies so that we remain together even when physically alone

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• “Achievement” painted in big black letters and underlined twice in bold red, print-outs and memos of wise sayings and columns are posted all over the walls on every side.

  • Confucian ethic (restricted to East Asian cultures)
• , most of the furniture found at The 1st Penguin is for one person; from desks for one with wooden boxes on the side to place a bag and books to desk lamps.
• “Please keep discussions quiet so you will not disturb others’ concentrations,”
• “The point of the interior design was to create an ambience where each customer could concentrate on his work
• Being alone, especially eating alone, amounted to putting up a sign that says you are "wangdda", or an outcast, in Korea. Women of all ages, especially, used to do everything with at least one friend, from eating in public and shopping to going to the bathroom.

  • Cultural associations of solitude
• The concept, however, seems to be changing. More men and women are going solo in public areas such as universities, restaurants and theaters. They “choose” to be alone, they say.
• In a recent survey of 528 university students by Incruite, an online job search website, 34.5 per cent of the respondents considered themselves as outsiders at school.
• 87.4 per cent answered that they voluntarily became outsiders for different reasons -- for example, not wanting to participate in unnecessary school events to concentrate more on studying or because they spend more time with friends outside of school.
• Only 12.6 per cent said that they chose to withdraw from groups because they were not sociable enough.
• 66.7 per cent of the respondents said that it is simply a different style of living while only 33.3 per cent answered that they are people who lack sociability.
• I have friends at school but I don’t have much time to spare now that I have put myself out on the job market. I choose to eat quickly, alone, and get other things done rather than to spend much time over lunch,” he said.
• a restaurant in the second basement of the Engineering Department building in Yonsei University recently installed partitions on its tables. Such partitioned tables are a more familiar sight in Women’s universities.
• private seats for students and office workers who come alone for a quick lunch.
• Simply follow what it tells you to do and you will get to enjoy your ramen without having a single conversation with anyone or seeing anyone’s face.
• First, make your choice between two meals -- a ramen or a "katsudon", a type of fried steak with rice -- at the vending machine. Pay what you owe and you will get a meal ticket in return.
• Check another board for empty seats -- the one with the light on is vacant --, and sit down.

• As soon as you press the bell on the table, the waiter/cook will silently approach from behind the curtain and hold out a hand to take your meal ticket and menu selection paper -- those who opt for ramen need to mark how spicy you want your noodle dish to be -- and give you a cup for water. No need to ring the bell again to ask for more water because there is a small faucet installed at every seat.

   
• not hard to find people sitting alone in cafés, reading books or typing into their laptops anymore. Started in the big coffee chains like Starbucks and Coffee Bean, this trend can now be seen even in smaller cafés.
• we heard how more people were visiting places alone and how the marketing that target such customers are becoming important in Japan.

• Cozy at her usual corner, Jessica Gosling, a British exchange student at Korea University, said she visits the café up to three times a week.

   

  “I arrived in Korea last summer and this café was one of the things that struck me about Korean culture. There is something different about this café. It has a very welcoming ambience and you can actually study, talk, read and do whatever you want here,” said Gosling.
• To really help its customers’ “self-management,” the café provides various projects such as “The A+ Challenge.”
• One can announce one big goal to achieve during the vacation and prove how they achieved it.
• Now, cafés that have nothing but cool interior designs to show off cannot last long. It gets boring too quickly. You need work on the specific contents. Ours is self-management.

• Jo So-ri, a 24-year-old office worker often goes to the movies alone.

   

  “I don’t have to fix a time with anyone and I can choose whatever movie I want,” said Jo.
• The number of people who come to see movies alone has greatly increased. Our employees really sense the changes at the ticket booth,” said Lee Sang-kyu, CGV’s public relations officer
• Performance organisers are now offering events and promotion packages aimed at attracting solo customers. Some designate "solo seats" and sell the tickets for half the normal price.
• Single women frequently use personal errand services like the one provided by Life Manager. The company does practically everything for you from washing dishes and doing grocery shopping to running private errands.

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• ustrial era actually wanted to become artefacts in this collective exhibition. The great critics of mass society -- from John Stuart Mill, Warren and Brandeis to George Orwell, Franz Kafka and Michel Foucault -- tried to shield individual privacy from the panopticon's always-on gaze. As Foucault warned, "visibility is a trap."
• ry free thinker in On Liberty to Josef K in The Trial and Winston Smith in 1984, the hero of the mass industrial age is the individual who takes pleasure in his own invisibility, who turns his back on the camera, who -- in the timeless defence of privacy from Warren and Brandeis -- just wants to be "let alone".
• the hero of the mass industrial age is the individual who takes pleasure in his own i
• What we once saw as a prison is now considered a playground; what was considered pain is today viewed as pleasure. The age of the great exhibition is being replaced by the age of great exhibitionism.
• This digital world -- described by New York University's Clay Shirky as the "connective tissue of society" and by US secretary of state Hillary Clinton as the new "nervous system of the planet" -- has been designed to keep us forever on show in our networked crystalline palaces.
• in Shirky's words, the "default setting" on the internet, thereby transforming digital technology from a tool of our "second lives" into a central part of real life.

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