Masterofcheese93's List: I Search

• "whenever a message producer is a member of one culture and a message receiver is a member of another,"
• ("a racial, ethnic, regional, economic, or social community exhibiting characteristic patterns of behavior sufficient to distinguish it from others within an embracing culture or society")

• It is my position that men and women are equal but  different.
• Men and women approach problems with similar goals but with  different considerations. While men and women can solve problems equally well,  their approach and their process are often quit different
• For most women, sharing and discussing a problem presents an  opportunity to explore, deepen or strengthen the relationship with the person  they are talking with. Woman are usually more concerned about how problems are  solved than merely solving the problem itself. For women, solving a problem can  profoundly impact whether they feel closer and less alone or whether they feel  distant and less connected. The process of solving a problem can strengthen or  weaken a relationship. Most men are less concerned and do not feel the same as  women when solving a problem.

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• The term genderlect has been coined to define the language of the  sexes. Similar in form to the word "dialect" (the unique language of people in a  specific geographical area), genderlect is "a variety of a language that is tied  not to geography or to family background or to a role but to the speaker's  sexual gender."
• Because of the natural differences in the way men and women communicate,  temporary adaption to a different style of communication is necessary. The  primary goal of this adjustment is effective communication with members of the  opposite sex.
• While little girls talk to be liked;
• little boys often talk to boast.
• ; little boys make demands
• Little girls speak to create harmony
• little boys prolong conflict
• Little girls talk more indirectly;
• Little girls talk more with words
• little boys talk directly
• little boys use more actions
• Become aware of your own communication style. Each person has a unique style of communication. Listen to your own speech. Evaluate your words, your tone of voice, and your body language
• Understand the communication style of the opposite sex. You may be unfamiliar with the unique communication style of the other gender. Listen carefully to the opposite sex around you - your spouse, your child, your parent, and your friends.
• Discuss these conversational differences at an appropriate time, not when conflict arises. Try to determine if your perceptions are accurate.
• Adjust to those conversational styles. You may think it is impossible to change the way you communicate since you have been talking that way for years. Remember that communication is a learned behavior and behavior can be modified! If you tend to lecture or "report - talk", maybe you should work on better listening and discussing feelings not just facts.
• Alter your conversational style to fit the context. Effective communication is adapted appropriately to fit the setting.
• Some comments are best made in private while others can be shared in public. Some statements are appropriate for a group at church while others should be made to your best friend.
• Don't criticize others who communicate in a different way. It is a human tendency to think "my way is the best way." In the area of communication, remember that different conversational styles are not bad. Different is simply different. Accept the differences and adjust when needed.

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• Tannen first noticed these differences when studying videotapes another researcher had made of best friends asked to have a conversation together. In contrast to the girls, boys were extremely uncomfortable with this request. Girls in all age groups would face each other and immediately began to talk, eventually ending up discussing the problems of one girl. Boys, on the other hand, sat parallel to each other and would jump from topic to topic--centered around a time when they would do something together.

• Tannen observed that,  

  "For males, conversation is the way you negotiate your status in the group and keep people from pushing you around; you use talk to preserve your independence. Females, on the other hand, use conversation to negotiate closeness and intimacy; talk is the essence of intimacy, so being best friends means sitting and talking. For boys, activities, doing things together, are central. Just sitting and talking is not an essential part of friendship. They're friends with the boys they do things with."
• "For males, conversation is the way you negotiate your status in the group and keep people from pushing you around; you use talk to preserve your independence. Females, on the other hand, use conversation to negotiate closeness and intimacy; talk is the essence of intimacy, so being best friends means sitting and talking. For boys, activities, doing things together, are central. Just sitting and talking is not an essential part of friendship. They're friends with the boys they do things with."
• Women create feelings of closeness by conversing with their friends and lovers. Men don't use communication in this way, so they can't figure out why their women are continually talk, talk, talking.  Eventually, many men just tune their women out. The ubiquitous image of the housewife at the breakfast table talking to her husband who has his head buried in the newspaper comes to mind.
• men are confused by the various ways women use conversation to be intimate with others. One of these ways she calls "troubles talk." She says, "For women, talking about troubles is the essence of connection. I tell you my troubles, you tell me your troubles, and we're close. Men, however, hear troubles talk as a request for advice, so they respond with a solution." When a man offers this kind of information the woman often feels as if he is trying to diminish her problem or cut her off.
• n his eyes, he's being supportive, because men don't talk to each other about their troubles unless they really do want a solution; talking about their problems is wallowing in them.

  • Just a wee bit biased, in my opinion
• . Because of these essential differences in approach, Tannen says that the most common complaint she hears from men about women "...is that women complain all the time and don't want to do anything about it...Men misunderstand the ritual nature of women's complaining."
• that his woman was simply trying to establish a certain kind of intimacy with him--inviting him to reciprocate and share himself with her
• ealize
• An interesting dance emerges from these different approaches:  The woman, craving closeness and intimacy with her man, talks to him about her problems with friends, family, her job, etc. She seeks to have her man respond as her girlfriends have always done, and talk with her about his concerns. The man, however, hears these conversations as requests for advice, not intimacy.  He considers the problem and offers a solution, or dismisses the issue, as the boys he knew always did. When his woman continues to go on about these same concerns, showing no movement to consider his advice, he becomes confused and eventually angry; he begins to believe that his woman is an expert at talking about nothing. The woman begins to feel that her man doesn't care about her because he won't talk to her in a way that feels intimate.

• Tannen has found that human males behave in exactly the same way.  She discussed the research of Marjorie Goodwin, who studied boys in Philadelphia for a year and a half. "She found that boys give orders as a way of gaining social status. The high-status boys gave orders just to maintain their dominance, not because they particularly needed the thing done. And the boys who were being told what to do were low status, by virtue of doing what they were told."  

  This dynamic is important to remember when looking at another major area of miscommunication between men and women. Women cannot understand the resistance men seem to have when asked for assistance or consideration of some kind or another. Women must remember the above scenario and understand that, for men, doing what they're asked to do means they have lost status in that relationship. Men often feel that women are trying to manipulate them. What a woman might see as a simple request--no big deal-- is seen by her man an attempt to manipulate him into a "one-down" position.   
• "Women want men to do what we want. We want them to want to do what we want, because that's what we do. If a woman perceives that something she's doing is really hurting a man, she wants to stop doing it. If she perceives that he really wants her to do something, she wants to do it. She thinks that that's love and he should feel the same way about her. But men have a gut-level resistance to doing what they're told, to doing what someone expects them to do. It's the opposite response of what women have." She reminds readers that, of course, there are men who are very helpful toward their women.  "But if a man is going to be touchy, it's more likely to go in that direction. Whereas if a woman is insecure, she's more likely to go in the other direction, [and] be super- accommodating."

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• Natural selection essentially states that "the strong survive."

• An analysis of some 30 studies by British researcher Adrian Furnham, a professor  of psychology at University College London, shows that men and women are fairly  equal overall in terms of IQ
• Universally, men tend to score higher on certain specialized skills, such as  spatial awareness. In the real world, that means they might be better at reading  maps or navigating. Women score higher in terms of language development and  emotional intelligence. But most experts agree there is no real, important  overall difference when it comes to gender and intelligence.
• I analyzed 30 international studies, and what I found was that women, across the  world, tend to underplay their intelligence, while men overstate it.
• There certainly is a greater male ego. It's what we call the male hubris and  female humility effect. Men are more confident about their IQ. These studies  show that on average, women underestimate their IQ scores by about five points  while men overestimate their own IQs.
• international in scope, the results were essentially the same whether women  were from Argentina, America, Britain, Japan or Zimbabwe
• the people at the very top and the very bottom of the IQ bell curve are more  likely to be men. That is a pattern that we see in the university setting, with  men either being at the very top of the class or at the bottom.
• Surprisingly, [both] men and women perceive men being smarter across generations
• If there are children, [both] men and women think their sons are brighter than  their daughters.
• And it is worrying in the sense that it may mean parents send inappropriate or  misleading messages to their children about their abilities
• But since they think they are, they are more confident about their abilities.  These self-beliefs, however, may be highly adaptive
• Men aren't more clever or smarter
• Henry Ford. He says: "Whether you believe you can do a thing or not, you are  right." And that is what is troublesome. Beliefs may be more important than  actual ability in certain settings.

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• The orthodoxy in intelligence research for the second half of the  20th century had been that men and women had the same average intelligence, but  men had greater variance in their distribution than women
• Most geniuses were men, and most imbeciles were men, they said, while most women  were in the normal range.  This conclusion, however, was  manufactured out of political expediency.  Not wanting to  discover, or a priori denying, any sex differences in intelligence, psychometricians  simply deleted from the standardized IQ tests any item on which the performance  of men and women differed
• More recently
• since the turn of the millennium, there have been an increasing number of  studies that cast doubt on this politically correct conclusion
• Studies with large representative national samples from Spain, Denmark, and the  United States, as well as meta-analyses of a large number of published studies  throughout the world, all conclude that men on average are slightly but  significantly more intelligent than women, by about 3-5 IQ points. 
• Psychometricians have known since the end of the 19th century that height is  positively correlated with intelligence:  Taller people on average are more  intelligent than shorter people
• So one possibility is that men are more intelligent than women, not because they  are men, but because they are taller.
• Our analysis of a large representative American sample from the National  Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health shows that this is indeed the case
• Further controlling for health, physical attractiveness, age, race, education, and earnings  does not alter this conclusion
• Height has exactly the same effect on intelligence for men and women:
• Each inch in height increases the IQ by about .4 point.  The partial effect  of height on intelligence is more than three times as strong as the partial  effect of sex.
• So it is not that men are more intelligent than women, but that taller  people are more intelligent than shorter people
• but net of height women are more intelligent than men.  Women who are 5’10”  are on average more intelligent than men who are 5’10”, and women who are 5’5”  are on average more intelligent than men who are 5’5”.
• But, more importantly, people who are 5’10” are significantly more intelligent  than people who are 5’5”, and most people who are 5’10” are men and most people  who are 5’5” are women.

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• one of the main reasons why there are not more female science professors or  chief executives or Cabinet ministers is that, on average, men are more  intelligent than women.
• For not only is the average man more intelligent than the average woman but also  a clear and rather startling imbalance emerges between the sexes at the high  levels of intelligence that the most demanding jobs require
• For instance, at the near-genius level (an IQ of 145), brilliant men outnumber  brilliant women by 8 to one. That's statistics, not sexism.
• Ever since the Frenchman Alfred Binet devised the first intelligence test in  1905, study after study has confirmed the same result. When it comes to IQ, men  and women - at least once they've gained adulthood - simply are not equal.
• Boys and girls may start out with the same IQ but by 16 or so boys are starting  to inch ahead

  • AhHa!! The reason why they start ot become smarter than women is because they are starting to hit puberty and start getting taller.
• The ever-growing success of girls at GCSE, A-level and now at university would  seem to refute this - but the blame lies with our exam system, with its emphasis  on coursework, which rewards diligence more than it does intelligence.
• The undeniable, easily measurable fact remains that, by the time both sexes  reach 21, men, on average, score five IQ points higher than women

• It's made up of a range of cognitive abilities that include reasoning,  problem-solving, spatial ability, general knowledge and memory.
  

   

  In all of these, men outperform women - although women hold their own when it  comes to verbal reasoning and have a definite edge in foreign language skills  and spelling.
• These high-status males would also have been the most eligible mates, and it  would be their genes - chief among which would be those controlling male brain  size - that would be passed on to the next generation.
• The result is that men today still have physically bigger brains than women,  even after adjustments for their different-body size. Might this underpin the  five-point difference in IQ between the sexes?

  • This is true b/c taller people would have larger brains simply b/c they were bigger physically!

• Of course, in normal daily life, there's not much real difference between a  man with an IQ of 105 and a woman with an IQ of

   

  100. The real difference only emerges as we rise up the IQ scale to the sort  of level that the really top jobs require and as we drop lower down the scale -  because men, as it turns out, have a much wider range of intelligence than  women.
• There is, as yet, no simple or, indeed, totally convincing explanation as to why  this is, but while the abundance of stupid men has always caused social  problems, it is the relative abundance of highly intelligent men that has caused  problems for several generations of emancipated, liberated, ambitious women.  
  
• The demands of hunting - devising tactics and strategies, anticipating likely  outcomes - favoured the development of reasoning, together with mathematical and  spatial abilities, which is why, thousands of years later, men continue to be  overrepresented in fields such as maths and physics.
• However, when it comes to verbal intelligence, women match men because, in our  hunter-gatherer past, women needed verbal abilities to negotiate their  relationships with both men and women and to teach and socialise their children.
• Their superior foreign language skills explain why if you walk into a university  language lecture theatre, you won't find many men.
  
• Take, for example, the case of rutting stags or fighting chimps and you get the  generally aggressive idea. Thanks to high levels of the male sex hormone  testosterone, men are far more competitive and motivated for success than women.
• • Ah, that explains why men are so competitave! We were that way one upon a time when the world was young.
• For a man - at least as far as his hormone system is concerned - succeeding,  competing and beating his rivals is very much still a matter of life and death.

  • B/c that's what it meant back in olden times! We had to be aggressive and state our authority even against other hunters!
• Consequently, ambitious, high-achieving men typically work harder, compete more  aggressively and become totally immersed in their careers, while even the most  high-achieving women will often admit to finding themselves distracted by their  genetically preconditioned aptitude for nurture and support.
• For them, it is often a question of what to get for supper, or whether the  children have got clean shirts for school. These are small distractions,  admittedly, but at the very highest level they have an effect.
• Instead, he went with what the science is clearly telling us - that at the  really top level in maths and science, when we're not dealing with average  intelligence but near genius, there are simply more men around who can do the  job.

  • Truely, that's pretty interesting

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