Hyoomen's List: poly

Wounded couple

'Projective identification is frequently the major suffering of a wounded couple. Each member enacts the most ideal, dreaded, and primitive aspects of the other in a way that drives both partners crazy'.^[8] The partners may have been initially chosen 'because of their willingness to carry idealized or devalued parts of the self': unfortunately 'what is projected into and rediscovered in the partner is then treated in the same way as it was treated in the self. What you cannot stand in yourself, you locate and attack (or nurture) in the other'.^[9]

Such projective identification can have very damaging effects on the person's sex life. Feelings of sexual inadequacy will be projected onto the partner and cause them to feel inadequate. This inadequacy will cause poor performance and subsequently result in the fulfillment of the initial projection. This is particularly common in cases of Borderline personality disorder^{[citation needed]}.

'Only through a struggle to be conscious and differentiated can the recipient resist the pull and symbolize the experience, essentially making the projection available to be recognized by the projector'.^[10] However, such resistance can produce 'a peculiar form of guilt...guilt for not being or not becoming the embodiment of the complement demanded by the other';^[11] while conversely for the projector, 'when an outer figure resists this powerful projective pressure, the individual bursts out in rage'.^[12]