A month or so ago (?), I said to myself/my brain, “Look, I want to remember. I want to process this stuff and move on with my life.” I asked whatever part of me is blocking to step aside.
I have already written about this, but I expected something like movie reel memories. I knew they would be difficult, but I guess I thought it would be sort of like watching them on a screen. There would be feelings involved, of course (ew, yuck, not FEEEEEEEEELINGS), and they would be painful, but hey, at least I’d know what was going on. I’d have my neat, tidy memories and I’d figure out how to unwrap them, process them, and then let them go.
Oh, how naive!