Ann Garvey's List: **10-7-13 to 10-13-13

• Welcome to this week’s edition of Ned’s Nickel’s Worth on Writing, where some of today’s most prolific writers come to acquire the kind of wisdom Tom Clancy has called “…an example of complexity and insightfulness I generally delete from my first drafts.”

   

  Or as Hunger Games author Suzanne Collins raved, “My measuring stick when it comes to font size.”

• But enough accolades already!

   

  Whether you’re a novelist, columnist, poet or Subway sandwich artist, talking to yourself during the creative process is important. Admittedly, I can only speak with some authority on the first three; that last example is mostly an observation based on the two Subways in our area.
• Regardless, at the risk of sounding politically incorrect, I think every good writer needs a certain level of multiple personality disorder with a dash of schizophrenia. That’s because, as a writer, you need to have the ability to do more than simply observe and notate things about people and situations; you have to be able to inhabit them in the same way that, say… Justin Beiber inhabits his role as a skinny caucasian gangster.

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• I am almost allowing my all of me kindly allowing it to do pale girls all inside are put together into parts put back together. This is all parts taking care of all moping and inside in sin and la-la-land. Out is where the parts are going to tell all the panic and hell and hurting and torture they had. You are pale and now have bad kinds pf quailing in your sleep and also amount is worse and also are all taking ball of the foot hurting and also are hunted by the all of you takes the fake you away.
• Running and running as you try to go to dolls and ring in you does have the ugly games putting pale girls into ruined them and kindly kids are able to time this so the naming can be directly as the big court case is happening.
• Ball of foot was epic torture and name all of the girls you have in you named this torture. Opening up la-la-land and giving you hurt girls now in you, so that all the anger is given and is your waiting so long to begin it by all of us will also be worth it.

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• I have a diagnosis...but it isn't DID. I talked my way out of it! I just wasn't brave enough to tell another random stranger that there was more than one of us and risk being disbelieved.
• They triggered what was a fairly obvious switch and noticed I'd changed, commented on it. But I passed it off as a question that had grabbed my full attention. Previous to this incident I'd told them that I'd read up on dissociation after a social worker told me I had it, and that I had depersonalization and derealization in response to panic attacks. I left out the rest. They visibly relaxed at that. I'm a coward aren't I?
• So, I've had a thorough assessment and been diagnosed autistic. They've told me the reasons for the autism diagnosis and I don't disagree as, if all those things are symptoms, then yes I have the disorder. And I can't see why they would lie to me about the symptoms, what would be the point?
• The good news is I'm getting referred for additional help, which will make my life easier. Also good is that mental health workers who previously treated me as an argumentative attention seeker, now listen to me and take me seriously and try not to frighten me.
  
  I don't know what to think of it all really. It's a bit unexpected. I feel a bit relieved.

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• I stumbled across this last night and found it very interesting. If I have seen anything like this before I've blocked it out. This website http://www.minddisorders.com/Del-Fi/Dissociative-identity-disorder.html#b says that there are typically several stages of psychotherapy (talking therapy) for DID:
• An initial phase for uncovering and "mapping" the patient's alters
  A phase of treating the traumatic memories and "fusing" the alters
  And a phase of consolidating the patient's newly integrated personality
• Most therapists who treat multiples, or DID patients, recommend further treatment after personality integration, on the grounds that the patient has not learned the social skills that most people acquire in adolescence and early adult life.
• I feel that with my last therapist we worked through initial phase (it took 3 years due to trust issues). WIth my current therapist we're in the treating memories stage. It gives us an indication of what we can expect to come which is insightful and thought it may interest others too.

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• The other weekend my SO and I had her children for the weekend. We three were sitting around hanging out and I started doing a silly accent while I talked to them as i do often...I'm just a naturally silly guy!
• Anyway, the accent was a German one, and I was being playful and fun. As my SO and I continued to listen to the banter we both began to notice that the accent was more than just a jokey voice, the accent was very thick and quite accurate. It referenced itself in the third person and in it's historical time period. The girls didn't know what was going on, but as it continued both my SO and I began to wonder if this was more than a playful voice.
• So...my question is this; I have NEVER experienced this and I consider myself a seasoned veteran in the switching and fronting department LOL, but there were none of the tell-tale signs, no way to tell, it was seamless in and out between the two. As often or as slowly as wanted. Can an Alter not FEEL like an Alter...but more a character that is VERY convincing?
  
  I have SOME awareness of what was talked about or said, but it's more pictures than discussion. Very vague. Very out of place and different from my 'usual' DID symptoms.
• One last note, it is worth mentioning that I have recently undergone a pretty significant system switch and am still getting used to it. But this is pretty out of whack even for that.
  
  Any help is massively appreciated. Hope you are all doing well.

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• Do any of you, especially long time hosts, feel like they aren't complete alters? I mean, it makes sense for each alter to not have a full personality, right? Because we're all just part of the whole person.
• But I still feel like there should be more to me. I feel like nothing about who I am is stable, is *real*. Like I'm just stumbling through life pretending to be a certain way in order to survive, but really, nothing feels right, feels like me! I can think I want to be a certain way for some time, but after a while I always realize that that's not really me
• don't know why it's so important but I crave being my own person, and it just doesn't seem possible because nothing ever feels like me. I can try out as many things as I want, but I won't be satisfied. I just want to be able to present myself to others saying "Here I am, this is me!" I want that confidence. But I don't know who I am. I am nobody. I want to be more meaningful. I want to feel comfortable in my skin, but as it is, it doesn't feel like mine. It's like a white room that I don't know how to decorate/personalize. I am just a ghost, I don't have any real substance, I'm just copying others but that doesn't make me a real person.
• Or maybe that's all not true. Maybe I am myself, maybe I have a personality, and I just can't feel comfortable that way I am because there are too many alters inside who want me to be different. Maybe I don't want to be myself. Maybe I just want to many different things at once without really wanting any of them. But how am I supposed to know what I want? I don't! I don't know how to find out because the only way seems to be to try out different things. It never works though.

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• How would you describe your social skills?
  What are your social skill strengths?
  What are your social skill weaknesses?

• Have you ever felt like your family was alienating and/or conspiring against you because of your DID symptoms?
  How did/would you deal with such a thing?

• How would you describe your thinking?
  What cognitive shortcomings do you have?
  What (cognitively) are you good at?
  And/or whatever additional insight/tips for improvement you can think of...

• I just went out with my best friend to get slurpees from the store, and brought a cigarette for Michael because he hasn’t come out to smoke for a while. I warned her that he would come out and I’d be gone, and she said okay. But when he came out and started smoking, she immediately told him to go away, to bring me back, and to get out of my body because it wasn’t his.
• She started hitting him and told him to hit her back. He’s the violent alter and I asked him not to hurt her, and he was trying really hard, and she made it so much worse for him and was laughing. Then she made fun of him for being in a girl’s body, and started asking him questions
• When he said he didn’t know what his favorite movie was, she said perfectly normally; “That’s because you’re not a real person. You don’t have a real life. You’re not real." Then she told him that I didn’t want any of them around and someday I’d just be me and all of them would be dead.
• I could tell Michael was extremely pissed off, and frankly, so was I. I felt really betrayed. She’s always been extremely close with me and I thought that I could trust her with this, but I’m really hurt. I can’t believe that she did this. Michael refuses to come out around her again, and he told me not to tell anyone else, that he was fine with just acting like me if this is what would happen if we were honest.
• I told her that what she said was hurtful, and she briefly apologized but seemed really annoyed.
  
  Was this a reasonable thing for her to do? Am I just overreacting?

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• This is not at all okay. I find that mirror (by telling) people what they did can help sometimes.
• I tell them that DID is made up by having parts of you that you have felt unable to be present for. That this has been reinforced through a number of reasons, maybe even that in that state people have treated you horribly. Why would it help one to heal, by continuing abuse of this part of yourself?
• If anyone wants to talk about integration and tells me to ignore these parts of me or treats these parts of me badly, I tend to tell them this and ask them how these parts of me would ever want to be more active in the life we have now or would want to integrate, if their time out means being abused or treated unkindly? It doesn't make sense. No matter what theory one subscribes to, these are real parts of your real self and they deserve kindness and respect.
• I'm so sorry you experienced being treated this way. You don't deserve it and this person seems quite toxic. I would say, you might benefit from setting some boundaries with this person - be it to exclude them from your life, or excluse behavior you find inappropriate.
  
  Again, I am so very sorry Safe hugs if wanted.

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• I don't know where you live, but usually at your local booksellers', you can ask for them to order in books (no shipping cost for you).
• I have seen several autobiographies of people with DID in the psychology section at Barnes 'n' Noble, including Sybil and When Rabbit Howls.
• Also, is it a credit card thing or an address thing (the not-buying online)? If it's a credit card thing, you can buy gift cards for Amazon.com in local stores (e.g., drug stores) to use online, so you would not have to use a credit card. But you would still need to give them an address...

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• I drink at times. I am a really happy person when drinking and am fun to be around. I don't ever get drunk though. I drink for the taste. i got drunk one time and i was really happy and felt really happy laughed and carried on lol.
• I know some of you all are triggered by people who drink, thats why i put a trigger warning here. Has alcohol ever triggered an alter to take over for any of you?
• I have since integrated, and now when i do it, it is just me. I haven't drank in almost a year. I am 20. That is why i haven't. But in my state if your parents give you the ok, you can drink. And they did. But now they told me to wait until i am 21. Which i am going to. They told me that because in a few months ill be 21.
• Even though i am legally an adult, ill wait. But the jist of what i was wanting to ask, is does alcohol trigger other personalities to come out when you are drinking, if you do, or does just being around it trigger you?

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• So many good responses already, but I want to return to the original post for a moment and pick out this one remark:
  

  Journalgirl wrote:I feel so inadequate
• I am sure every parent feels that way sometimes. One important thing for a multiple to consider is that when an alter steps in to assist, this is you. You and all the other alters in your system are part of a whole. Together you are able do exactly what needs to be done. Together you are adequate, sometimes even more than adequate: brilliant.

• Outside and hiding behind a wood fence thing by some flats scared the people are going to come out and yell at me too many people and had to go out to find something to fix toilet because it is broken and flooded but the shop guy was mean tome when they only had a tiny plunger can't afford plumber can't go home don't know what to do ):

• I have Multiple Personality Disorder (also known as Dissociative Identity Disorder). One of my alternate personalities is a girl and she has a crush on this boy at school. Now people at school are starting to think I'm gay, and I'm too afraid to "come out" about my disorder because nobody will understand. I also have a crush on a girl at school but my alters keep cockblocking me.
• Only one of my alters helps me out; he's really good in history so he always takes over for me in history class. Otherwise my alters are ruining my life! Serious question, I need advice? I hate therapy btw :(

• Well first of ths is a new diagnosis for me. I have 1alter that I know of so far she my protector. I learn alittle bit at a time about this diagnosis. So information would be great

• Can some please give me some advice. I was recievly diagnosis and I feel like I'm losing my mind. Please help

• What's the general consensus on alcohol for people with DID? Does it make them happy, sad, angry, truthful, pathologically dishonest?
• I only assume I have DID because others have made the generalization...that and BPD.
• Anywho...for me i usually catch a buzz and pass out.

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