• Does it bother you, when you are seeing something dramatic in a movie or TV episode?

• All day today, the Two Rivers Behavioral Health System in Kansas City, Missouri, will host their 2013 Trauma Symposium.
• The conference is intended as a gathering of knowledgeable experts in mental health willing to share new tools and strategies to help victims of trauma. Its speakers will include trained Two Rivers staff and psychiatrist Chris Trueblood. And oh yeah, it’ll also feature a man who believes he was abused by a government-sanctioned cult of Satanists who raised him to become the Antichrist.
• David Shurter is a man of many stories. Chief among them is the tale that he, among others, was prey to a group of politically powerful cultists who brainwashed him into acts of cannibalism, murder and deviant acts of sex. To drop the hammer further, his own parents were high-ranking members of the cult. They in turn held close ties to the CIA’s clandestine MKUltra program, a program that was – depending on who you ask – either a spectacular failure by the government to prove claims of psychic ability, or the very successful indoctrination of young men and women programmed to activate later as sleeper agents.
• To read Shutter’s descriptions of his life, either on his blog or through his autobiography, Rabbit Hole – a Satanic Ritual Abuse Survivor’s Story (Now available on Amazon!), is to stare deeply into the heart of delusion. And it’s not an experience I wholeheartedly recommend.
• Suffice to say, Shurter considers himself and a few select others to be the flagbearers of an unspoken truth: the rampant victimization of young children by a underground network of Satanists versed in cruelty, sadism, and most importantly, mind control. Mind control that enabled Satanic abusers to repress the heinous acts done to their victims, at least until later on in life.

• For those of us tuned in, this might sound remarkably similar to claims made in the 80′s and 90′s by concerned parents, law enforcement officials and therapists. And that’s because it is.

   

  The so-called “Satanic Panic” took hold of the public imagination for the better part of a decade as criminal prosecutions, heartbreaking TV specials and autobiographic novels all held fast the idea that Satanists were destroying young children across the nation. Eventually, as later investigations found nothing but the incompetence of law officials and unreliable testimonies, the movement to expose the hidden underbelly of cult activity mostly came to an embarrassing end by the early part of the 90′s. Obviously, some folks stuck around.

• Nowadays, Shurter and his ilk receive most of their attention from a fringe and entirely online network of conspiracy theorists, labeling themselves as survivors of Satanic Ritual Abuse (SRA). While you could spend entire books trying to decipher the mentality of these community members (Lord knows people have), the most honest thing to say about them is that the experiences they collectively describe are no less painful or traumatic than anyone else’s. That doesn’t make their claims any more real, mind you.

   

  And were it to remain within the community, there probably wouldn’t be a need to write about them, or Shurter, at all, except perhaps as intellectual curiosity.*
• But the Two Rivers Behavioral Health Systems isn’t an online forum of SRA survivors, now is it? It’s a long-standing mental health facility in the heartland of the country, with trained professionals and an obligation to provide the best possible care to its patients. An obligation I can’t see fulfilled by hosting an academic conference and handing off the stage to a man who believes he was brainwashed to become the world’s finest Satanic assassin.

• Given that Two Rivers is specifically presenting Shurter as a ritual abuse survivor, it would appear they’re fully aware of and endorse his claims, and that is positively frightening in its implications. The SRA movement would have never reached the apex it did without the continued prodding by mental health professionals who recovered memories of Satanic abuse and went on to defend their tactics in courtrooms, books and in the media. To see this continue in 2013 is beyond appalling.

   

  Adding salt to the wound, the conference will provide five shiny Continuing Education credits to all its attendees. Just in case you were worried about people not being motivated to show up.

• The story sadly doesn’t end here.

   

  See, once upon a time, Two Rivers Behavioral Health System was called Two Rivers Psychiatric Hospital. And for the better part of the 90′s, it played host to the Masters & Johnson Trauma Unit, founded and ran by a psychologist named Mark F. Schwartz. The same Mark F. Schwartz who would go on to build the Castlewood Treatment Center in St. Louis alongside spouse Lori Galperin. Schwartz is currently facing civil litigation over claims that he personally coerced at least two women into believing…wait for it…that they were victimized by Satanic cultists.**

• *Writing about Shurter is something I’m wary about in general as he is known to obsess over and harass anyone critical of his views, painting them as accomplices to the Satanic conspiracy.

   

  **During my investigation of Castlewood this time last year, I personally reached out to the HR department of Two Rivers. They assured me that while they were aware of Schwartz’s previous tenure there, Two Rivers had no affilation with either him or Castlewood. Hmm.

   

  Article URL http://www.grumblesandrumbles.com/2013/10/24/devil-in-the-details/

   

  reprint by permission

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• I recently had a "fugue"ish episode and soon afterwards I feel like I had a system "Crash" where this system was comprised of lego blocks all of different colors, the colors representing different emotions and identities.
• I dont' know where they went in the first place and they've been all kind of popping up trying to refind their place. Now I've managed to identify one of the blocks who, thanks to the users on this board has been clearly cut out as an entity.
• So this morning I woke up with an even brighter sense of clarity into this new entity that i've discovered. he's always been there but has been knocking on my door SO MUCH lately. "Forcing me to sleep on the couch etc."
  
  Now I'm beginning to understand why.
• My life during that period was constantly surrounded by fear and death. I remember being in a sort of "Diversion Program" for juveniles because of my behavior and fighting in middle school, roughly around 12 or 13 which showed many videos of people getting beaten and rape stories in prison. After this, I had a fear of the world, so much to the point that I would lean the car seat back and duck when looking out the window whenever i saw someone that resembled these videos.
• I was at a certain friends house and started to become immersed in "ghetto" culture where people would come over to see his older sister and always be telling stories about holding guns or how they were going to get robbed etc etc. I began to sort of "manifest" this reality and was terrified of it.
• I then got sent to an alternative schooling program where everyone there was some sort of gang member or somehow involved in gang member culture. It was a "rehabilitation" school This is when i believe he began to come out. I remember seeing him from the outside at this point, one eye a little cocked, he spoke my words for me and intimidated some of the people at the school. Just enough to the point of where they would leave him alone.
• It begins again when one of the students at that school was shot and killed over a video game disagreement in an internet cafe. Just one block from the school. Black hole again.
• I am now back in the brightly lit nice neighborhood I got kicked out of when I was a juvenile. This is when I started to walk up to people I may or may not have been in an altercation with like nothing happened and be normal. I completely forgot my middle school years at that point.
  
  Everyone at that school started to grow a slow but growing dislike for me. I felt very rejected. It's almost as if i was "known" at that school but I myself was completely oblivious to it. Now that I can think of that time, many people were asking me the similar questions during that period of my life.
• I began to find items around the house I didn't recognize but assumed were there and it made sense at the time somehow. These items were knives, some sort of pool cue, etc. etc. Now I understand that they were his. He was always the one holding something at the ready. Cleaning up after me. Now I understand why he was so mad.

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• Eg. 1 : I was both bullied and the bully in middle school.
• However, at that time, I completely blocked out that I was even fighting in middle school.
• I don't know if it's me reading about DID, being able to identify with it and freaking out that I can actually feel an alter now, and feeling helpless to it. (Did you guys freak out at first as well?, does the anxiety of this ever go away?) I have these inner panic attacks that don't affect my outer body, but i definately do feel them. Coupled with the headache. I think it's mostly because I'm scared of what my other alter is capable of rather than what it's "Up To" which I wish it really was.
• I believe I recently had a fugue, however i'm still waiting on the memories to come back. I don't believe it was a full fugue because I still have some memories of it. Just can't make any sense out of it.
• Basically, what it feels like now after the "fugue" is that before this crash I was made up of lego blocks, all of different colors, the colors representing different parts of me and my life. Suddenly this lego thing was thrown at wall and the pieces are all over the place. I can't put them back together correctly because I didn't know where their proper place was in the first place and I can't find them all, but what I did find was that I was made out of lego blocks if that makes any sense. Which leads to endless "black hole" headaches and a very "carousel" like feeling spinning in my head. Just jumping all over the place in my life.
• I guess what this boils down to is when you guys found out you were or suspected you had DID. (Which i'm still not fully sure of) and started reading about it, did you have similar symptoms?
  
  Did it get better over time or was it better before you ever figured it out.

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• SUMMIT Multiple Personality Disorder, improv comedy troupe. Nov. 2 at 8 p.m. $15 and $20. Dreamcatcher Repertory Theater at Oakes Center, 120 Morris Avenue. (908) 514-9654; dreamcatcherrep.org.

• THE DIRTY ARMY: Nik, this is Kenzi Viser from The Biggest Little City In The World A.K.A Reno, Nevada. She is a very confused soul… Sometimes she is a ghetto black chick, sometimes she the whitest girl in Starbucks, sometimes she’s a alleged tattoo model, sometimes she doesn’t know who she is.
• A few years ago, she moved out of Reno due as an attempt to escape the scrutiny and ridicule of everyone after she was exposed for being a homie hoppin, home wrecking whore! This girl has well over 30 confirmed bodies in her. She was married but couldn’t keep them dark ass chocolate logs closed. All she does is post online about stacking paper, going to medical school and how she’s getting signed to a major tattoo modeling agency.
• She can’t keep her story straight with anyone because all she does is lie about every single aspect of her life. She acts as if she’s some ultra religious god fearing woman, but then minutes lAter she’s talking about getting turnt up. Spending one day with her is like hanging with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. She’s calm one minute, snapping out the next, and then you never know what you’re going to get with her multiple personality disorder. Nik, please help.

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• actualy i started watching ipkknd ebp recently and became a fan of it and while watching older episodes i think sloke is having multiple personality disorder.

  during that kolapur episodes in a single shot he bocomes mesmerised by her beauty, attracted by her innocence while talking to her baba in phone and suddenly gets angry... he is scared when she is close to him or when she care him... and i think finally sloke made his fear his weapon... go closer to her...
• avinash is really a talented actor who looks goood in all emotions chahe anger ho,romance ho ya kuch bhi...sreenu is also too good..

• There are times that Apple, which is famous for presenting a single unified face to the world, seems to suffer from a multiple personality disorder.
• Case in point — if you have an older Mac and want to upgrade to OS X 10.7 Lion or 10.8 Mountain Lion, even after the release of 10.9 Mavericks (see “Apple Releases OS X 10.9 Mavericks for Free,” 22 October 2013), Apple will sell you a $19.99 redemption code via the Apple Online Store, which you then redeem in the Mac App Store. This roundabout approach is necessary because Apple keeps only the  latest version of Mac OS X — now Mavericks — visible in the Mac App Store, presumably to prevent customer confusion.
• (And yes, that means you must be upgrading a Mac running 10.6.8 Snow Leopard or be willing to jump through some hoops to make an installer disk. Both “Take Control of Upgrading to Lion” and “Take Control of Upgrading to Mountain Lion” remain available for those who need reminders on what to do.)

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• Fuck this Shit

   

   

  Ok I’m sorry but fuck it. I am fucking sick and fucking tired of fucking DID. Now, someone has lost the fucking binder. The one thing that us boys really love and need when in this fucking body. I have been dressing as a fucking girl all week but today I can be my fucking self, right? Wrong. Because they’ve lost the fucking binder and I can’t find it anywhere.

• Max, I’d like to point some things out so that, when you  come back and have calmed down, you can see how this was just said in anger.

   
  1. You didn’t find the binder, Amber did.
   
  2. Though she lost the binder, she then tidied the room to find it.
   
  3. It was underneath something you had dumped, not her.
   
  4. If it hadn’t have been for Amber, you never would have found it.
   
  5. I’ve put it on for you (along with your favourite iron man t-shirt).
   
  6. We’re only here to help each other, we’d never intentionally do something with the purpose of hurting your feelings.
   
  7. We care about you, Max.

• DID doesn’t have to be a bad thing, I’ve found that it can often provide that little helping hand that you need. even when things get bad (worse than a missing binder) you should always remember that you have the rest of your system to fall back on.

   

  Natt

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• Could victims of incest who develop dissociative identity disorder sue their abusers if they had proof that the incest actually occurred?

• Where I At! 

    Ayo whaddup. Im like, on the verge of destruction and enlightened wisdom n bliss. I love being different with my D.I.D, I love whats happening to me, the courage n growth, my fucken wicked relationship with TRUTH!! As I go along living as a non liar in all aspects of my life, i gain more and more power, insight, scope....woohoo.k to be continued...

• Wow! I'm glad I'm not alone at this feeling.
  I also have that weird awareness of time moving through me.
  One time I got to see it and it did help this mind understand the concept.
• *trigger warning*
  The first time I tried Salvia ( a few months ago)
  By the way I'm not saying anyone should try. Just sharing what I experienced:
  
  I wrote on my diary this so I could remember.(I've learn to write as some times I have no recollection of what an alter feels or thinks)
• With eyes closed
  I can see patterns of lilac and pink, swirls flowing on spirals to the beat of the music in my ipod
  I was feeling something peaceful, languid and calm, except for a heightened feeling of my skin, where I thought the carpet fibers where too sharp and prickly.
  This feeling went away and I totally lost time/space notion and begun staring at a great amount of brightly colored cards standing one behind each other on the manner of domino pieces. There was neon orange, yellow, green and purple mixing and mingling.
  The singing on my ipod marked the beat and movement of the cards that danced in patterns formations, swirling.
• I found myself in another world. Suddenly I wasn't just watching the cards but I was part of them or I was them
  and started questioning if this was reality rather than my life as I know it
• The cards where those who live inside me and the shell or body as the big Rolodex
  The passing and moving like time and reality. So relative
  Was priceless to watch from the shell, each and every card and the outside simultaneously.

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• Until recently I've been trying to understand the other parts in me that I have split from.
  
  I have made no attempt to understand myself though. In fact I have no sense of self at all.
  
• As a child I identified with my mum and dad, despite the terrible things they did, I thought they were great. It got to the point could not console myself, and the conflict between my love for them and their treatment of me. After a particular experience, my only strategy was to disidentify from myself, to disown and seperate myself.
• Anyhow... What's this post about? Well - I have found it extremely helpful to digest experiences like these, the split from another self, as a product of my own experience rather than as someone else's experience.
• It's almost ironic - all this time I've been worried about listening to and understanding my other selves - actually I can understand them much better now for having explored my own self (or lack thereof).
• I dunno if this makes sense to any of you at all
  
  Anyhow thanks for reading

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• Dating With Alters 

    I don't know how many of you have had this experience, but one of my alters, Agnes, is extremely violent. So occasionally instead of sending my boyfriend a cute, friendly text Agnes will send a really hateful death threat. As you can imagine this is not only quite awkward but also really scary. In other situations, he and I will be kissing and all of a sudden Janet, who is a child, will come out and start crying.
• He says he doesn't mind and that he loves all my "broken parts" but I wonder when the day will come when it all gets too bizarre or I get too weird for him to handle.
• Relationships are difficult enough without having experiences like these. I sometimes wonder if I will ever be able to share myself with another person when I am already sharing myself with so many?

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• Add an Answer to "To those with multiple personality disorder (DID) - do you have multiple accounts on EP? =D Do you message each other?"

• If you’re like us, you like booze and snowboarding. And if you like booze and snowboarding, you’ll like Arnette’s Multiple Personality Disorder webisode series.

   

  Starring: Ethan Deiss, Niko Cioffi, Sam Taxwood, Nial Romanek, Dylan Dragotta, , , , , , Andrew Brewer, Dustin Craven, , , Broc Waring, Colt Morgan, Nick Visconti, Sammy Spiteri, Russell Winfield, Ben Bogart, and more…

• The more I discover. The more I uncover... Combined. It feels like I have already lived more than a lifetime. And I'm about to expire. I'm proud of the team who I became. Who became me. Not perfect. Not happy. But... Still going on. I forget how hard it was. How hard it is. I have to forget. I have to go to sleep... But I'm afraid to go to sleep.
• What if I don't wake up? Or worse... What if I don't want to? What if I collapse, just before the finish line? What if... there is no finish line?.. Am I chasing ghosts? Am I, myself... the ghost I am chasing?
• Sorry for the depressiveness and the dramatic style of the text above, but it seemed more natural (and more meaningful, I assume) to express this feeling of sadness from the point of view of the one who feels it. I was wondering if it was myself, if I was really able to feel sadness, which I'm still not entirely sure about. But I'm afraid that the words above have little meaning to me.
• I can observe the signs in my body, but I don't really know what it is like to feel tired. I don't know what it is like to feel sad. I go to sleep because I know my body requires sleep. And I feel incomplete because of this (I suppose incompleteness is the only feeling I can genuinely experience).
• Does anyone else experience this feeling of being tired because of all the lives you have lived — and because of the one life you haven't lived yet? How do you cope with it?

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• 2 Day's ago Ms Nickie (alter) started going crazy w/her conspiracy theory that there were ppl there she couldn't read and she can read everyone and so after locking everyone out expect one person I find out that the systems that I knew about are not alone.
• My hubby has 7 systems total! For me that's a big deal because they say that's why he's been hearing voices even though he asks everyone to be quiet, and they do, but he still hears talking. So it comes from the other systems which in a way is a wonderful thing but on the other hand it means more ppl for him and I to meet.
  
  Does anyone else have more than 2 systems and if so how many?
• Hi Simply Monet - multiple systems do occur and I'm not sure how common though. I have two systems that were not co conscious of each other until recently and my system is fairly simple compared to what I see on this board. The more abuse the more need for alters and alter systems I guess? I have a friend who has maybe 5 systems with subsystems, very elaborate compared to mine.
• Maybe someone who knows more will comment otherwise try searching in the forum- best of luck in learning about your husband's system .

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• I've been doing a lot of lurking lately and can relate with SO MANY experiences that other people are having here. It's a very very comforting feeling.
• I've always searched for disorders myself because I knew SOMETHING was wrong, but always avoided finding help because I was scared to be labeled as a crazy, and was in denial, and often times just completely oblivious to it. (I'm sure you guys can relate to that as well) but I never found any clear answers until recently. It was always "oh maybe i'm kind of this... or a little that, but nothing explained The time distortions, flashbacks, unexplainable emotions that come out of nowhere, the constant "inner fight" and being "lost inside yourself" and "hearing yourself talk too much" The "coming to" the "identity confusion" the "derealization" the "depersonalization" ALL OF IT. (Although I think some of my schizophrenia diagnosis is also a little accurate because I have schizo like tendencies and resperidal has "cleared things up" for me)
• I'm glad I finally found an answer and that there are many other people like us.
  
  Thank you guys for responding to my posts and I hope you all find good fortune on your journeys.
  
  Mine has just begun.
  
  I just need to find a way to get diagnosed and treated properly somehow.

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• When a person has this disorder, they feel somewhat of a cessation to their mind. A person cannot properly connect to their personal feelings or sensations. They may not know who they are.
• This mental process is thought of as an escape mechanism from the person who is suffering from the disease.
• Many people often wonder if this disorder is real. Even the most trained experts still question if it is even possible.
   When a person is suffering from this disorder it is made very apparent.
• When ones other personality appears they make it known. They want you to know that they are different from the person in which is normally present. Control plays a major role in this disorder. The main depiction of this disorder is when a person has a split personality, meaning two or more is present. A person may have more than one personality as well. Each personality has its own unique description. They each have their own gestures and distinction. The ages, sex, and race may differ as well.

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