Amped Status's List: Comedy

"Maintaining that the unmanned aerial vehicle was simply going about its day without posing a threat to anyone, U.S. Department of State officials claimed Thursday that one of their drones was minding its own business on its way to church when Iran attacked it out of nowhere.

“This was an outrageous, unprovoked attack by the Islamic Republic of Iran on an innocent drone who merely wanted to attend mass in peace,” said acting Secretary of State Mike Pompeo, emphasizing the drone’s upstanding moral character by pointing out its history of donating to charity, volunteering at soup kitchens, and making homemade cookies for school bake sales.

“We’re talking about a drone that sings in the church choir and coaches little league baseball games on the weekends—an absolute pillar of the community. This is an upstanding family drone who did nothing to deserve any sort of attack. What kind of world do we live in where an innocent drone can’t fly through Iranian air space on its way to church?”

At press time, Department of Defense officials confirmed that their request for Iran to return the drone’s body back to the U.S. for a proper burial had gone unanswered."

"“a cabal of religious fundamentalists inside the national security apparatus believes UFOs and paranormal are satanic and by studying them, we risk inviting Satan into our world.” – George Knapp (Reporter)

In an interview with Las Vegas Now, former senior U.S. intelligence official, Luis Elizondo said that the Advanced Aerospace Threat Identification Program (AATIP), a secret UFO research program that was shut down in 2012 over alleged budge concerns was actually partly due to the Evangelical Christian religious beliefs of senior officials in the program."

Elizondo said in the May 2018 interview that the study would become an embarrassment for the department and because it also conflicted with the religious beliefs of some officials.

In an interview with the Metro UK, Nick Pope, a former UFO investigator with the UK’s Ministry of Defense, said had also experienced pushback from people’s belief in God and demonic forces;

“I was aware that Pentagon pushback on UFO research was in part due to the religious belief of some of those involved,” Pope told the outlet. “It was an odd irony that UFO investigations were being hampered because some people’s belief in God meant that they either didn’t believe in the existence of extraterrestrial life or that they regarded UFOs and extraterrestrials as demonic.”

In a response to a follower on Twitter, KLAS TV Investigative reporter George Knapp is also stating that government sources claiming that inside “the national security apparatus believes UFOs and paranormal are satanic and by studying them, we risk inviting Satan into our world.”

"In any case, Knapp ended the interview by rightly condemning the idea of defunding research because they believe the Devil is behind the UFO phenomenon:

“When somebody uses mumbo jumbo and spooky stories and religious beliefs to put the kibosh on a scientific study or a legitimate inquiry, that is troublesome. You know what, maybe it is Satan. Maybe it’s demons. I don’t know what it is. Inter-dimensional travel, dimensional people, time travelers, all of the above, or crypto-terrestrials, or ultra-terrestrials, I don’t know. But we need to figure it out. If not for national security or personal safety, just for the sheer joy of discovery. It is very bad national security policy to say we don’t want to know about something. That makes no sense at all.”"

"Back in 2010, I wrote a book called Final Events; a book that turned out to be very controversial. It was focused on the secret research and conclusions of a small think-tank-type group in the U.S. Government that believed (and still believes) that the UFO phenomenon is demonic in nature and origin. I would not have been able to write the book had it not been for a man named Ray Boeche, a priest and UFO researcher/writer. In November 1991, Ray met with two people attached to the clandestine program. The pair had major concerns regarding where things were going. Ray was told that some of the people working on the Department of Defense program fell ill. There were strange runs of bad luck. And, there were even deaths – of at least three people. Those on the project were trying to interact with what they termed Non-Human Entities, or NHEs. In fairly quick time, however, the group came around to the theory that what they were really dealing with were demons. It’s important to note something that not many realize: namely, that Ray was not the only person to interact with the two DoD guys."

"Recently over at the Den of Geek blog, Alejandro Rojas reported that the secretive Pentagon $22 million program to investigate UFOs known as the Advanced Aerospace Threat Identification Program (AATIP) was shut down because of demonic forces.

Yes, demons and as usual, Jason Cavalito’s panties are in a wad!

I reported on this a couple of months ago in my article titled, “Was the Pentagon UFO program canceled due to fear of conjuring demons?”

The AATIP was headed by Luis Elizondo who is a former senior U.S. intelligence official and now Director of Global Security & Special Programs for the To the Stars Academy.

Elizondo had said in an interview with a Las Vegas publications that the program that was shut down in 2012 partly due to the belief they would conjure demons.

Cavalito seems to think that this is all just a bunch of demonic bullshit and he is on a one-man blogging mission to purge the US. the military starting with the Department of Defense of these interdimensional poltergeist tricksters. He writes;

“According to Elizondo, Christian conservatives shut down AAWSAP for fear of demons, leaving only AATIP, which was less likely to summon Satan accidentally. And I am writing this as though any of this is a normal thing for the military to do.

If even half of these claims are true, we need to purge the military of all its paranormal-believing idiots.”

Yeah, OK, Jason. You are just so feisty!

Meanwhile, this week, British best-selling author, journalist, cryptozoologist and ufologist – Nick Redfern had written an article that was published on Mysterious Universe titled, “From Whistleblowers to Demons in the Department of Defense.” Redfern starts by saying;

“Back in 2010, I wrote a book called Final Events; a book that turned out to be very controversial. It was focused on the secret research and conclusions of a small think-tank-type group in the U.S. Government that believed (and still believes) that the UFO phenomenon is demonic in nature and origin.

I would not have been able to write the book had it not been for a man named Ray Boeche, a priest and UFO researcher/writer. In November 1991, Ray met with two people attached to the clandestine program. The pair had major concerns regarding where things were going. Ray was told that some of the people working on the Department of Defense program fell ill. There were strange runs of bad luck.

And, there were even deaths – of at least three people.

Redfern then says, “Those on the project were trying to interact with what they termed Non-Human Entities, or NHEs. In fairly quick time, however, the group came around to the theory that what they were really dealing with were demons.

It’s important to note something that not many realize: namely, that Ray was not the only person to interact with the two DoD guys.”

Cavalito then huffs and puffs;

“Normally, I would simply discount the whole thing as made up garbage, but the theoretical background the alleged defense officials describe is basically the same one developed by Jacques Vallée and Hal Puthoff in the 1970s.

Puthoff helped to push those ideas onto the Pentagon, and the letter is sadly consistent with what we know of Puthoff’s research interests and government efforts to explore Puthoff’s vision of interdimensional poltergeist tricksters.”

I like that, “interdimensional poltergeist tricksters,” so I AM going to steal the term with a twist and call them “dEMoNiC iNterDiMenSionAl PolTerGeiSt TricKstArs in uFoes!”"

"Members of the Pentagon Press Corps announced a $3 million GoFundMe campaign to raise money to find, locate, and recover missing senior Department of Defense officials by featuring their photographs on milk cartons in the District of Columbia-Maryland-Virginia metropolitan area, sources confirmed today.

Last week marked the 300th day since a Pentagon spokesperson briefed on camera in the Pentagon Briefing Room and 211 days since a Secretary of Defense briefed there, according to a Rand Corporation study."

"Jim Carrey is being criticized on social media for a portrait he painted that is believed to be White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders. The actor and comedian on Saturday tweeted the painting (see it here) with the caption: "This is the portrait of a so-called Christian whose only purpose in life is to lie for the wicked. Monstrous!" Some Twitter users accused Carrey of shaming because of the unflattering portrait; Fox News described her as painted in a "terrifyingly garish light."

Others were critical of his use of Christian. A spokeswoman for Carrey confirms it is his painting. But she would not confirm it is Sanders. The White House has not returned a message seeking comment, reports the AP. It's not Carrey's first foray into the world of political art: Business Insider in February rounded up 21 pieces of "politically charged artwork" he's tweeted."

"STEP ONE: Create a subconscious association to old Cold War Russian propaganda

Scott Simon opens his show with “Russian programming is no longer breathless proclamations about tractor production or accolades to the Kremlin. Look at a show like Redacted Tonight.” This opening sentence essentially tells the listener that everything they’re about to hear is modern Russian propaganda. Sure, he doesn’t use the word “propaganda” yet, but when you say something was ONCE accolades to the Kremlin and is now Redacted Tonight, you are priming your audience, giving them a subconscious opinion of the target before they even know what it is. This would be like saying “American programming is no longer ads where a little girl with a daisy is killed by a nuclear blast. Now it’s the Daily Show.” If you had never heard of the Daily Show, you would assume it must be a modern version of a girl obliterated by a nuclear bomb."

"In this new Redacted Tonight, host Lee Camp covers how it should be no surprise Obama is accepting nearly half a million dollars for a speech at a Wall Street-backed conference, as his ties with big banks precede even his presidency. While people claim Obama is a hypocrite for taking the money, Obama's criticism of Wall Street has always been empty rhetoric, given not only his, but his cabinet's well-known ties to Wall Street. Then Lee updates us on the lawsuit Bernie Sanders supporters filed against the DNC for rigging the Democratic primary in 2016 for Hillary Clinton, in which the DNC's lawyers argue that Bernie supporters should have known Sanders had a zero chance of being the party's nominee as long as the DNC had their way. In the second half, correspondent Naomi Karavani joins Lee at the desk to explain how economic inequality only serves to widen the health equity gap between the rich and the poor. Finally, correspondent Natalie McGill exposes reprehensible school policies that allow school staff to "lunch shame" kids who can't afford their lunches by throwing away their hot food and branding kids who can't pay with stamps. All of this on the newest episode of Redacted Tonight!"

"The last thing 75-year-old Michael Garland Elliott heard was fake news and he died a happy man because of it, according to his ex-wife. Teresa Elliott, who remained close friends with her ex decades after they split up, tells the New York Daily News that she told Elliott, a "news junkie" who was dying of heart failure, that President Trump had been impeached. "I knew it was his very, very last moments," she says. "I knew that would bring him comfort and it did." She adds: "He hated his effing guts." According to an obituary in the Oregonian, upon hearing the news, Elliott "took his final, gentle breath, his earthly work concluded." Adds the Daily News: "Trump has not been impeached.""

"For the rich and famous among us, the endgame has been relatively clear for a long time: according to the surge in ultra luxury "bunkers for billionaires" being built, the way all this ends is nothing short of a whole lot of mushroom clouds around the globe, with the world's wealthiest hoping to protect themselves in deep underground bunkers designed for just such an eventuality. That these bunkers are also ultra luxurious and extremely expensive is just the status symbol today's billionaires are eager to show as they carry humanity's survival "to the other side.""

"Nothing more perfectly embodies White America than a 70 year old golfer firing missiles at the Middle East from his country club. Some sticks in the mud probably expect a host of formalities to be gone through before attacking another country: a UN investigation, or congressional approval perhaps, but personally I'm just glad to see a guy with the temperament of a mistreated circus animal launching ballistic missiles on a hunch. It seems statesmanlike and decisive."

"
We’re all owned. We’re bought, bartered, liked, sold, conned, shared and used everyday to make other people money. We’re all well and truly fucked. Welcome to the world of Luis Quiles.

Luis Quiles, aka Gunsmithcat, is a Spanish artist whose corrsucating satirical ilustrations take no prisoners. No one is safe. The right. The left. The good. The bad. Quiles takes them all down. He specifically targets the dehumanizing nature of capitalism, terrorism, and religion. His work is highly controversial. It’s been deemed offensive. But we shouldn’t be offended by Luis’s drawings rather we should be offended at the hard reality he depicts."

"All issues of The Realist are now available at
The Realist Archive Project. "

"The Realist Archive began in June 2007 with the goal to put every issue of The Realist online and freely accessible to anyone. The one large problem was only 1/3 of the run could be found available anywhere (well available in some places, but at the asking price of a large truck ... Krassner himself didn't have many of the older issues). And an even larger problem being many of the existing issues were (and are) crumbling away and required extensive digital restoration; many issues were destroyed in the act of scanning brittle newsprint itself. But that was part of the project, and every page of The Realist is now viewable - including even the subscriber-only sheets."

"Most readers know Hunter S. Thompson for his 1971 book Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas: A Savage Journey to the Heart of the American Dream. But in over 45 years of writing, this prolific observer of the American scene wrote voluminously, often hilariously, and usually with deceptively clear-eyed vitriol on sports, politics, media, and other viciously addictive pursuits. (“I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone,” he famously said, “but they’ve always worked for me.”) His distinctive style, often imitated but never replicated, all but forced the coining of the term “gonzo” journalism. But what could define it? One clue comes in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas itself, when Thompson reflects on his experience in the city, ostensibly as a reporter: “What was the story? Nobody had bothered to say. So we would have to drum it up on our own. Free Enterprise. The American Dream. Horatio Alger gone mad on drugs in Las Vegas. Do it now: pure Gonzo journalism.”"

"What would Hunter S. Thompson, in many ways the ultimate American, have made of his country’s political scene today? Having lived, in the words of his 2005 suicide note, “17 years past 50. 17 more than I needed or wanted,” the self-styled and always uncompromising “gonzo journalist” didn’t stick around to observe much of the 21st century, and even as grimly vivid a political imagination as his could hardly have foreseen many of its developments. Yet like the longer-gone Alexis de Tocqueville, also very much a man of his own time, Thompson’s perspective on democracy in America has in some sense only grown more relevant over the years without him."

"“How my work, I hope, is different from a lot of cartoonists [and “Saturday Night Live”] is that I never want to depict him as a figure of fun, as a buffoon, as a clown. OK? Because it brings all the attention onto him and lessens the focus on the apparatus ... that got him in there and that continues to support him. Because he’s not alone. We didn’t elect a king. Right? So it’s important to keep the conversation smart enough and deep enough to recognize the machinery—not just this person that you can turn into a cartoon character and just throw darts at this thing.”

“The great gift of what an artist does,” he continues, “is create an image that reflects bogus ideas, so that you can say: ‘Wow, this is what this looks like? … Maybe I should sort of rethink certain things.’ Right? How do you turn that into a commodity that a corporation is happy with?”"