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14 Nov 09

Area Man Passionate Defender Of What He Imagines Constitution To Be | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

  • "Our very way of life is under siege," said Mortensen, whose understanding of the Constitution derives not from a close reading of the document but from talk-show pundits, books by television personalities, and the limitless expanse of his own colorful imagination. "It's time for true Americans to stand up and protect the values that make us who we are."
  • "Right there in the preamble, the authors make their priorities clear: 'one nation under God,'" said Mortensen, attributing to the Constitution a line from the Pledge of Allegiance, which itself did not include any reference to a deity until 1954. "Well, there's a reason they put that right at the top."
12 Nov 09

Boris Kachka, "Why Author Mary Karr Struggled Writing Her Third Memoir 'Lit'," New York Magazine (Nov. 8, 2009)

Now here's a bon mot: "Minoring in religious studies and thinking you know about religion is like watching porn, reading gynecology textbooks, and thinking you know something about pussy." Mary Karr, quoted in this piece.

nymag.com/...61831 - Preview

religion via:twitter academe funny quotation criticism

20 Oct 09

Quote Machine: Will.I.Am Edition -- Vulture

"If I were a painter, I would paint beautiful bodies — I would paint nipples, and I would paint Bibles. Am I going to say, 'I'm not going to paint this woman's neck because people will think I just want to lick on necks?' Please! That's not what art is about."

nymag.com/...e_machine_william_edition.html - Preview

random_sh!t quotations hip-hop popular_culture funny

  • If I were a painter, I would paint beautiful bodies — I would paint nipples, and I would paint Bibles. Am I going to say, 'I'm not going to paint this woman's neck because people will think I just want to lick on necks?' Please! That's not what art is about.
  • It's easy, if you're a poet, to write complex verses like, 'I'm coming after you like VWXYZ.' Just think about that. It's like, 'Yo, V does come after U! That's fucking crazy!' My mind thinks like that all the time, coming up with crazy clever metaphors and rhymery thingies.
16 Oct 09

File:Floccinaucinihilipilification.ogg - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

You might think this is a strange thing to bookmark. But go to the page and listen, and you'll see the light as well.

en.wikipedia.org/...ccinaucinihilipilification.ogg - Preview

random_sh!t audio words language funny

07 Oct 09

The Gospels in Scouse

[Jn 1.1-4] Before God did owt else e ad summat er say. It wus is last werd. Only it come first. An it summed up is ole attitude to evrythink. Now dis werd wus wid God. Fact it was part'n parcil uv im. So at start uv evrythink an a long time fore man was akshully made, God's werd to men wus ready and waitin. Everythink there is wus made by this werd. E wus God's one and ony contractor for de ole Universe job. Nowt at all as ever got made sept through this d'partm'nt uv God ... wot we call is "werd". Now just becus dis werd is part uv God isself, all God's life is in im. An dis life is de light what shines on evrybody. Dis is de light wot evryody needs.

[Jn 1.14] So wot I've bin saying, like, is this. God's ole attitude to the werld became flesh. All wot God's got ter say about man became a man -- Real Man. An de Real Man l ived among us. We could see just exackly wot e was like. An e wus terrific! An you could see e wusn't juss on'y the truth about man. E wus also the truth about God.

kenanderson.net/...scouse_gospels.html - Preview

bible uk funny

04 Oct 09

Morgenbesserisms « London Review Blog

"Jewish logic: if not p, what? q maybe?" Via Andrew Sullivan (http://j.mp/3yjZSO).

www.lrb.co.uk/...morgenbesserisms - Preview

philosophy funny quotations

What Are You, Illiterate? - Pullout - Back to School - The Stranger, Seattle's Only Newspaper

"Are you reading Atlas Shrugged? Don't you know it'll turn you into an asshole for at least two years? When you're college-age and your parents are paying for everything, you're likely to be a big believer in people pulling themselves up by their bootstraps. Ayn Rand appeals to your age group for that reason, but the problem is, once you actually have to pay your own way, bootstrap-pulling gets a whole fuck of a lot harder, and Rand sounds more and more like a creepy Republican. If you're over 25 and you still think her books are great, you're (a) white and (b) an asshole."

www.thestranger.com/...Content - Preview

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