Elena LaVictoire's Library tagged marriage →  View Popular, Search in Google

 Recently, a possibly tragic event took place: a highly educated young woman I know got married. Radiant in her delicate lace dress, full of joy and optimism about the future, this blushing bride was not yet aware of the reality of her situation: that she has been groomed through her many years of education to be, well, the groom – and this fact is very likely to cause friction for her and her family as she tries to achieve the deepest hopes and dreams of her heart

 I wanted to get married and have children, and I deeply believed that children needed their mommies. On the other hand, I also had a great burden on my shoulders – the weight of my as-yet unfulfilled career “potential”. I wanted to put my expensive, extensive and exclusive education to “good use” and to make something of myself in the world, not just at home. In some ways I felt like Frodo carrying the Ring of Power – what will I do with this career potential of mine? Any high school dropout can stay at home with children – but a successful career is not easily achieved or thrown away.

The Catholic archbishop of Santa Fe has issued a pastoral letter, read in all parishes of the archdiocese on April 3, that explains the Catholic Church’s position on reception of the sacraments to those living in cohabitation.

“We are all painfully aware that there are many Catholics today who are living in cohabitation,” the pastoral letter by Archbishop Michael Sheehan begins. “The Church must make it clear to the faithful that these unions are not in accord with the Gospel, and to help Catholics who find themselves in these situations to do whatever they must do to make their lives pleasing to God.”

The Gospel teaches that, when it comes to sexual union, “there are only two lifestyles acceptable to Jesus Christ for His disciples: a single life of chastity, or the union of man and woman in the Sacrament of Matrimony,” the archbishop states. “There is no ‘third way’ possible for a Christian. The Bible and the Church teaches that marriage is between one man and one woman and opposes same sex unions.”

In the short and concise pastoral letter, Archbishop Sheehan explains the objection of the Church to the “three groups of people who are living contrary to the Gospel teaching on marriage” receiving Communion.

These three groups are those who cohabit; those who have a civil union with no sacramental marriage; and those who have a civil union who were married before.

In my work as a minister and counselor over the past 17 years, I've talked with countless couples and have noticed that women are angry and men don’t know how to deal with this anger. Everyone can see that "mom" has issues; the father knows it; the kids know it too. The mistake they make is reacting to this anger with their own anger and fear. The resulting inner pain causes men to overreact, and literally shift into a "fight or flight" response.   

To avoid the inner and outer conflict, a man will leave his wife (or girlfriend) and his children.   

Many women I counsel with and have interviewed on my radio and TV shows are quick to point out everything their man is doing wrong, but it's rare to find one who will honestly admit that she’s screwed up the kids or that she’s driving her mate crazy.   

The study also concluded that the more children a married couple has, the greater the life satisfaction, especially for women.

It is not selfish for a poor mother of many to remain open to life. It’s heroic.

A woman who places her trust in God and accepts new life under less than ideal circumstances is being as generous to God, to her family, and to her community as she possibly can be.

Father Pat Connor, a 79-year-old Catholic priest born in Australia and based in Bordentown, N.J., has spent his celibate life — including nine years as a missionary in India — mulling connubial bliss. His decades of marriage counseling led him to distill some “mostly common sense” advice about how to dodge mates who would maul your happiness.

“Hollywood says you can be deeply in love with someone and then your marriage will work,” the twinkly eyed, white-haired priest says. “But you can be deeply in love with someone to whom you cannot be successfully married.”

For 40 years, he has been giving a lecture — “Whom Not to Marry” — to high school seniors, mostly girls because they’re more interested.

“It’s important to do it before they fall seriously in love, because then it will be too late,” he explains. “Infatuation trumps judgment.”