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Nor are parents generally aware of the extent to which abortion has become part of routine obstetric care when it is determined that a baby has a disability. Results of an American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG) survey reported that ninety percent of the doctors responding considered abortion because of fatal fetal anomaly a justifiable treatment option, and 63% considered abortion a justifiable treatment option because of a non-fatal anomaly. Using a simple semantic slight of hand abortion becomes a treatment option, and medical professionals effectively disengage from the baby with a prenatal diagnosis, and signal that it is reasonable for the parents to do the same. As a result abortion is often presented as the only option to parents who have already bonded with, loved, and named their baby.
Research, however, suggests that many parents are in fact looking for some other option. Most will choose to continue their pregnancy if offered a program of comprehensive support. Parents want something better than abortion. They want someone to affirm the dignity of their child and to accompany them on the lonely and unfamiliar path from the diagnosis to the birth.
"For I realize, that even when my body is well past the age of bearing babies, even if I should live until I am 100, always, I will be an expectant mother, until the day I hold my babies for eternity."
Beautiful
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My mother was universally adored -- even her pharmacists and hair stylist paid a call during “shiva” -- for three reasons, as I learned from everyone to whom I spoke: She was always happy; she treated everyone as if they were the most special person in her life; she carried herself with class and dignity. If you want to be widely loved, there’s the recipe.
One of my favorite posts about how to simply start to lose weight, by someone who knows!
I felt so bad reading about Kirstie Alley's weight gain. It's not easy losing weight after 40 anyway but to KNOW how hard it is and then to let all the weight get back on anyway... I can't wrap my mind around that. It obviously wasn't a lifestyle change for her that it needed to be. I wish her much success.
Another woman wins The Biggest Loser!
Suzy and Matt's web site - Congratulations to them on their newest baby boy!
Many people don't know what to say or do for a couple going through this. Here are some words of wisdom.
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encourage the family to hold their baby when possible. It is heartbreaking, but it is the only chance that they will every have. When our son died, our parents didn't hold him because they didn't know if it would be all right. They will never get that chance again. Of course, the birth attendant should treat the baby with the same respect that would be shown to a live baby. Wrap the baby in blankets, hold him/her gently, and support the baby's head. This will encourage the family to hold and bond with their child. Even if the child didn't make it to term, encourage the family to name the child.
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Encourage the family to take a couple of rolls of pictures of the baby. Pictures may include the baby wrapped in blankets, the baby unwrapped, any parts of the baby that are attractive (hands, feet, ears), the baby held by the mother and/or father, a picture of the baby's hand resting on the mother's and/or father's hand. Be sure that something in the pictures shows the size of the baby (a hand, a toy, a measuring tape). In our situation, our son was very tiny, but it doesn't show in the pictures.
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- One of the last things on a grieving parents mind is food and cooking. There are several different gift baskets you could put together for the family. Some ideas may be a gift basket of paper plates, napkins, plastic silverware, kleenex, bathroom tissue etc. Or, a gift basket of snack crackers, cheese and fruit, or vegetables and dip and fruit juice. Home cooked casseroles, cookies and bars the family could serve if they have company over are great ideas too. It was nice to have those "quick and easy" items on hand.
- Offer to come over to throw a load of laundry in the wash, or other light duty house work. This is something I had done for me, and I truly appreciated it.
- Give a gift certificate to the families favorite restaurant, preferably with no expiration date if possible. Or even take out pizza certificates.
- Lending a hand if we have other children. Taking them to school events, or out for a meal, to the park or movie etc.
- Gift basket just for mom. Bubble bath, shower gel, stress relieving soaks, candles, etc. Or lounge clothing and a box of chocolates or other sweet.
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