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Reflections on the Death of My Mother-Dennis Prager
Wonderful insights by Dennis Prager
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But while age at death is the whole story for outsiders, it is only half the story for a person's loved ones. One does not miss a loved one less because he or she died at 89. My mind is entirely at peace with my mother's death at 89, nearly all of those years lived in good health, and the last 69 in wedded bliss to my father, who is alive and well. But I do not miss her one whit less because she was 89. Indeed, one might argue that having lived to age 61, I have had that much longer a period of time to get used to having — and very much enjoying — my mother in my life. My mind is deeply grateful; but it also knows that my mother is gone forever.
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From my late teens onward, the relationship between my mother and me improved steadily. As the years progressed, I enjoyed her more and, yes, loved her more. Unless either an adult child or a parent has serious psychological issues, I am convinced that what I experienced is quite common. There is an enormous amount of luck — good and bad — in life; and one of the greatest pieces of good luck for a parent (and child, for that matter) is for parents and children to have the time to work things out.
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The Catholic Moment: Your faith spoke for this child
Found through Mrs. Darwin via TSO's blog.
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No words can take away the pain of miscarriage, although faith and time can lessen it. Some parents find the words of St. Bernard of Clairveuax helpful. He wrote to a couple that had a miscarriage. In response to their question, “What is going to happen to my child? The child didn’t get baptized,” St. Bernard said, “Your faith spoke for this child. Baptism for this child was only delayed by time. Your faith suffices. The waters of your womb — were they not the waters of life for this child? Look at your tears. Are they not like the waters of baptism? Do not fear this. God’s ability to love is greater than our fears. Surrender everything to God.”
CaringBridge / chrisklicka / Welcome
Update on HSLDA attorney Chris Klicka's condition. A lot of what he is going through sounds very familiar to what I read about when my mother was dying, although she didn't have as much agitation. I wonder if part of that is because she was older and female.
Mr. Pete spoke personally to Mr. Klicka a few years ago at a big homeschool convention about his multiple sclerosis. One of our sisters-in-law had just been diagnosed with MS and was failing fast. He suggested a diet that he was on that had improved his health greatly and he gave a copy to Mr. Pete. Both my brother and sister-in-law went on this diet and they too had good results with it. I will always be grateful to Mr. Klicka for that.
Dearly Departed & Phone lines… » The Anchoress | A First Things Blog
A very interesting post and conversation about the dearly departed sending us messages. If you read that mom - take the hint!!
Michigan Catholic Conference » Public Policy » MCC Board / Bishops' Statements » Living & Dying According to the Voice of Faith
A good letter about death's place in the cycle of life. Good questions for reflection at the end.
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The prospect of our own inevitable dying, and watching our loved ones die, naturally raises anxieties and fears about our capacity to bear the physical pain and psychological stress that might be connected to the dying process. We fear the possibility of being alone and forgotten. We perhaps lack the appropriate information about the proper steps to take in planning for our future death and that of our loved ones. We worry about the financial resources required for long-term care.
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For many people the dying process is especially frightening because it seems to be the final and most complete moment of isolation, separation and loneliness. We imagine being caught in unending physical agony with no one who could possibly understand, much less comfort us. Following the voice of fear, we run away from death and desperately try to put it out of mind and sight—as far and as long as possible. And when it seems that death can no longer be avoided, we are naturally tempted to consider a quick escape or exit.
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Bring The Rain
The blog of another mother who carried her baby to term and loved the short time they had together.
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I will permanently bear the mark of a woman who has lost her child. There are many of us walking here...in the grocery store, at the neighborhood barbeque, at the movies. We walk without necessarily recognizing each other, side by side and a million miles apart. If you are one of these women, I want you to know that as I write these words, I am praying for you. I am mourning what you have lost in this life. I am praying that God will fill you as only He can, and that in time, you (and I) will be with our daughters and our sons again. Know that I hurt with you tonight.
YouTube - What NOT to say to someone who has cancer
I was looking around for some more information on cancer and came across this. It seems some of the things NOT to say to a person with cancer are very similar to the things NOT to say to someone in grief. This is a very worthwhile Youtube. She adds some additional things TO say and do at the end of it.
End of life: Caring for your dying loved one - MayoClinic.com
Tips on what to look for at the end of life and how to comfort a dying person.
New Jersey Hospital Throws Baby Out With Trash « FOX News Health Blog « FOXNews.com
Dr. Manny comments on the poor care some moms of stillborn children are still receiving in this country - and speaks specifically of the mom whose deceased newborn turned up missing from the hospital morgue.
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It is always sad to hear about the loss of a child. Today I read a story about Christ Hospital in New Jersey, where an investigation is being conducted to determine whether a mother’s stillborn baby was thrown out with the hospital’s garbage. Of course, the family is devastated.
Unfortunately, this is not the first time I have heard a story like this. There have been other stories of infants “thrown out” or “misplaced.” These babies have died from premature birth or other medical conditions and have been misplaced in a hospital setting, creating an unimaginable scenario for a family that is already in a devastating position.
Many American hospitals continue to pay little attention to the fact that a fetal loss is something that a mother and family never forget. That infant, over the course of the pregnancy, became part of the family and proper respect must always be given.
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The bereavement procedure in hospitals has to ensure proper support for the mother. If it cannot, it must provide alternative social service counseling. It must give resources to the family to talk about their grief and provide all possible outlets. A stillborn baby is a human being – even if the law doesn’t acknowledge it as such — that is part of a family.
I have tried to talk to the hospital, to the Hudson County Prosecutor’s office, as well as the Jersey City Police Department, to try to understand how a baby’s corpse could have possibly been thrown out with the hospital trash, but no proper answers were given, since everybody is hiding behind rules and regulations.
A mother’s child must always be respected – whether alive or dead. And I am truly sorry for what has happened to this family. I just hope that this hospital will learn so that this will never happen again.
TheCatholicSpirit.com - Remembering Emilie
More about Emilie Lemmons, the blogger who passed away last week from sarcoma.
TheCatholicSpirit.com
Emilie was a Catholic wife, mother and writer who passed away on December 23 from sarcoma. This was her last column for her Catholic periodical. I think these are indeed the words of a woman who has found love and peace with God and comfort in her Catholic Faith. Emilie also blogged at http://www.lemmondrops.blogspot.com/
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“From such people I have learned a new definition of the word ‘joy.’ I
had thought joy to be rather synonymous with happiness, but it seems
now to be far less vulnerable than happiness. Joy seems to be a part of
an unconditional will to live, not holding back because life may not
meet our preferences and expectations. Joy seems to be a function of
the willingness to accept the whole, and to show up to meet with
whatever is there. It has a kind of invincibility that attachment to
any particular outcome would deny us. Rather than the warrior who
fights toward a specific outcome and therefore is haunted by the
specter of failure and disappointment, it is the lover drunk with the
opportunity to love despite the possibility of love, the player for
Surrendering our lives to God gives us the freedom to experience real joywhom playing has become more important than winning or losing.
“The willingness to win or lose moves us out of an adversarial
relationship to life and into a powerful kind of openness. From such a
position, we can make a greater commitment to life. Not only pleasant
life, or comfortable life, or our idea of life, but all life. Joy seems
more closely related to aliveness than to happiness.” -
What if I just let go of that? What if I trust that even if I die
tomorrow or next month or next year, things will somehow work out? What
if I allow myself to put the outcome in God’s hands and just live
intensely in the present, absorbing and embracing life as it happens?
It’s not indifference or admitting defeat; it’s seeing the bigger
picture.
Life Isn't Always Beautiful, But It's a Beautiful Life: Precious Gavin
The beautiful poem from a little baby saint's aunt.
Grief and Homeschooling
A very good article about how grief is mishandled in our society and how the natural losses of a family can really be beautifully incorporated into homeschooling. This is an excellent essay!
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Grief is normal and natural. If we weren’t deeply
affected by the loss of someone we loved, how much could we really have loved
them? It would be weird if we could go about our lives as if nothing had
happened. And yet to children, that’s often how it appears, because they are
separated from their families on a daily basis by school. They don’t see the
grieving that goes on while they are gone. -
Contrast this with the experience of a friend of mine.
After several years of hemming and hawing over homeschooling, she finally bit
the bullet one August and pulled her 3rd and 5th grade children out of
school. Only a few weeks into their new life as homeschoolers, she received
terrible news: her father had been diagnosed with terminal cancer. - 3 more annotations...
Deputy: Grave robbery evidence to undergo DNA test
more information on the grave robbing of Baby Locke.
Small bone found near Wisconsin gravesite where baby's remains stolen - TwinCities.com
More on the baby grave robbing.
Baby's remains stolen from Wisconsin cemetery
Something else for mother's of loss to worry about.
Reverend Run, Wife Open Up About Losing Baby - Rev Run : People.com
A brave couple keeps going for their family and also shows that grief is a very personal thing, different for each mom and dad.
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Last year, the 42-year-old former Run-DMC member and Justine, 43, decided to expand their family. (They are already parents to Vanessa, 23; Angela, 19; Jojo, 17; Daniel "Diggy," 12; and Russell, 10.) But halfway through Justine's pregnancy, doctors discovered that their developing baby girl had an omphalocele, a birth defect that caused her organs to grow outside her body.
The devoutly religious couple decided to go ahead with the pregnancy, and on Sept. 26, Justine gave birth via C-section to a 4-lb., 5-oz. girl whom the couple named Victoria Anne. The infant died less than two hours after her birth at a hospital near the family's Saddle River, N.J., home.
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