Home
Ambi Oct's Library tagged → View Popular, Search in Google
ben goldacre: one of those reads that makes everyday life much richer, because of the patterns and applications that you start to spot everywhere you look. If you don't read it, people like the guy in this clip will outwit you every time.
don't pre-defect -don't strive to score more than opponent, not blind optimism -but still forgive on cooperation.
In a population with a certain percentage of always-defectors and the rest being tit for tat players, the optimal strategy for an individual depends on the percentage [more defectors>>defect always; more tit-for-tats>>preoptimism], and on the length of the game.
in a continuous prisoners' dilemma, if a population starts off in a non-cooperative equilibrium, players who are only marginally more cooperative than non-cooperators get little benefit from assorting with one another. By contrast, in a discrete prisoners' dilemma, tit for tat cooperators get a big payoff boost from assorting with one another in a non-cooperative equilibrium, relative to non-cooperators. Since nature arguably offers more opportunities for variable cooperation rather than a strict dichotomy of cooperation or defection, the continuous prisoners' dilemma may help explain why real-life examples of tit for tat-like cooperation are extremely rare in nature .
any single country is often hesitant to curb CO2 emissions. The immediate benefit to an individual country to maintain current behavior is perceived to be greater than the eventual benefit to all countries if behavior was changed
discipline and self-sacrifice involved in abstaining today have been "wasted" because the future relapse means that the addict is right back where he started and will have to start over (which is quite demoralizing, and makes starting over more difficult). there is an obvious benefit to defecting "today", but tomorrow one will face the same PD, and the same obvious benefit will be present then, ultimately leading to an endless string of defections.
cigarette manufacturers endorsed the creation of laws banning cigarette advertising, understanding that this would reduce costs and increase profits across the industry
When firms are aware of the activities of their competitors, they tend to pursue policies that are designed to oust their competitors as opposed to maximizing the performance of the firm. This approach impedes the firm from functioning at its maximum capacity
where newspaper boxes are left unlocked. It is possible for people to take a paper without paying (defecting) but very few do, feeling that if they do not pay then neither will others, destroying the system.
both cooperate (Friend), they share the winnings 50–50. If one cooperates and the other defects (Foe), the defector gets all the winnings and the cooperator gets nothing. If both defect, both leave with nothing. If you know your opponent is going to vote Foe, then your choice does not affect your winnings.
two scientists collaborating on a report would benefit if the other worked harder. But when your collaborator doesn’t do any work, it’s probably better for you to do all the work yourself. You’ll still end up with a completed project.
in list: BUILD SOCEITY: neurosciences and statistical methods to clinch truth
"A declaration of toxicity is a judgement. Sometimes defined by a group, sometimes spearheaded by an influential individual who simply cannot find a healthy way to relate to this person, but regardless, never trust a toxicity label without doing your own research."
There are brief moments of clarity where you have a lightning strike of insight: She’s this way because I said that and this is how she always reacts to that… so I won’t do that. Brilliant!
These moments of respite are short-lived. For reasons you may never understand, you are incapable of reverse engineering this personality, or your patterns of reaction to it, and it’s only a matter of time before you rediscover this basic disconnect and move back to thrashing around, trying to figure out the unknowable.
THIS ISN’T A SMALL CHANGE. YOU HAVEN’T THOUGHT THIS THROUGH. WHY WASN’T I CONSULTED EARLIER? HOW COULD WE CONSIDER THIS GIVEN WHAT I SAID 14 MONTHS AGO ON THIS VERY TOPIC WHEN I WAS IGNORED…It’s a flood of incomprehensible toxicity. Now, inside of the flood is a bunch of historic fuck-ups on everyone’s part, but go back and read that previous paragraph. Are you seeing any of the content or are you seeing the toxicity?
Everyone is avoiding this corrosive person and this avoidance is affecting productivity and morale across the board. It’s a daily emotional tax of frustration and demoralization. A culture rarely changes for one person and in the case of a toxic person a culture will protect itself through rejection.
Cliques are inevitable micro-collections of people who like the look and sound of each other. Culture is the foundational broad strokes of beliefs, values, and goals in a group of people, and a healthy culture is inclusive. It seeks out new members who evolve the culture into something new and better.
A rejection by the culture, while not pleasant for anyone involved, is not a rejection based on individual taste, it’s not because someone doesn’t like someone else. It’s a rejection because of a lack of shared core beliefs. Vastly different personalities get along famously when they share a common goal.
their agenda, their ideas, however unpalatable to the existing cultural regime, were actually the right thing to do for that particular company. We need these self-centered assholes to totally ignore cultural conventions and to mix things up beyond recognition. They don’t need social grace and they don’t need charisma. Both help, but their value lies in their intense belief in their own culture. this toxic person might have a core cultural contradictory belief that is key to the future of the business, but assess the risk.
The deportation of a toxic asset is a judgement call and it’s based on the fundamental idea that fitting in is easy, but real change is hard.
in list: BUILD SOCEITY: psychological law
when women have power and influence, women are better off.
To have ambition is to have a sense of how things could be but aren’t yet. It’s to nurture a radical sense of possibility – and strive to make that possibility a reality. To value your ambition means to value yourself. Your self. Your identity, your soul, your birthright.
Power is being told you are not loved and not being destroyed by it.
When you have work that you love, you don’t live vicariously through others, and you don’t look to others to give your life meaning – which means that no one can take it away from you. You raise your unique voice, and inspire others to raise theirs. Your playing small does not serve the world.
Those who have received recognition can sustain the effort required to pursue their interests successfully; this in turn leads to more recognition and increases their feelings of self-worth and capability. Furthermore they are motivated by the realistic expectation, based on prior experience, that future efforts will indeed produce additional recognition.
ambition is not static. It grows and shrinks throughout your lifetime, according to what you can see and believe about your own abilities – and how they’re reflected back to you by the people around you. “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.” So if you become what you are perceived to be, and you’re perceived from day one to be a major contender, then you become….?
A different perspective equals different priorities, a different approach.
Don’t kid yourself: size matters…..[sustainable] cultural change requires collective power. An abundance of research shows that few lone women, no matter how exceptional they are, have little impact on the conversation of a nearly all-male group, let alone its decisions. It takes critical mass to shift group dynamics. It isn’t until minority voices reach “a tipping point” of one-third representation in groups that they begin to significantly influence outcomes.
"when the female perspective carries such little weight that discussions about events that directly affect women don’t include women (witness the recent GOP all-male gathering to debate women’s access to birth control), or don’t include enough women to make a difference. "
when women in the developing world hold assets or gain incomes, they invest in their home and their community: family money is more likely to be spent on nutrition, medicine and housing. Consequently children are healthier.
the conflicts that we have in so many places in the world, there’s a direct relationship between the subjugation and oppression of women and extremism. It is therefore in our interest to stand up for the rights of women. Because by doing so, we enhance our own security.
male norm is taken as the norm for males and females both. As a result, heart disease in women has gone undetected and untreated.
in list: how to be an adult & be great at it too, BUILD SOCEITY: psychological law
"if you're constantly concerned that you're a bad parent, you're not. You can't be because you're too aware of parenting itself. "
-that even gives me the confidence to believe that when am being constantly concerned to be live rightly, to be the solving doctor, to read with understanding then i'm a good human, doctor nd student since am TOO AWARE OF HOW TO LIVE,TREAT,STUDY WELL
in list: BUILD SOCEITY: psychological law
if you’re able to confidently answer it, you’ll greatly increase the chances that you won’t repeat this disaster in the future. The question is: What, precisely, are you trying to do? If the sky was actually falling, you’d be racing to work, breaking speeding laws, and frantically thinking, How am I going to unfuck this situation? none of the phenomenal answers [REACTIVE THINKING] read “unfuck the situation”. When the sky is falling, like I’ve said before, immediate action feels like precisely the right course of action because HELLO THE SKY IS FALLING.
But there is a well defined reason for this situation, and it’s likely you won’t know the reason for a while. It’s agonizing, but my advice is to not make any decisions on course of action until you have at least a credible answer to this question.In the face of disaster, it’s the wise person who does not act until they know. Unfucking the situation is a bandaid, understanding what you’re truly trying to fix is a cure.[CREATIVE THINKING]
"Action feels like progress, but undirected action is not progress, nor is it a plan. You’re going to barge into the office and start barking orders because that is what everyone expects, but if your orders are not shaped by what you’re really attempting to do, you are just scurrying people around aimlessly."
moment of illumination is gratifying because it’s the first time you believe there is a chance the sky can be propped up. Bad news: confidence is not a plan either. Having a solution where all the implications of the solution are not understood is not a fix. You must take the time explore all the implications, and in my experience this takes longer than it took to come up with your plan.
#1 Vet your model with, at least, three qualified others. “Would you bet your car on the viability of your plan?”
Maybe because you’re still deep in research and don’t yet have a theory and you don’t want to call attention to that fact? Maybe there hasn’t been significant progress on anything since your last update? You still send status. The message you send by consistently keeping the folks who care up to date is not: “We’ve made unique progress or we have a theory,” the message is, “We are applying constant and consistent pressure on propping up the sky.” The game here isn’t just over-communication and Grapevine eradication, I’m still worried I missed something in the plan, and the status spamming is another another means of vetting both the plan and the progress.
"the point was to create a dramatic event upon which to focus energy and thus delay any kind of physical forward motion. By engaging in conflict that is impossible to resolve."
for the purpose of maintaining his ambivalent world so no concrete decisions need to be made. Concrete=loss of potentialities= no thanks. he chose her to get rejected; to get jealous; to get sad over; to obsess over. And then to recruit the rest of his world into this problem. Nothing matters more than ego integrity; nothing matters more than the status quo.
All of that is unconscious, and as soon as I say that word a specific group of people goes bananas. No one likes to think they're not in control of their own lives, that they're saddled with an Abusive Boyfriend that wants nothing to change; but if they are in control, why are they anxious all the time? Why so little progress despite resources, opportunities, and freedom? If they're in control of their own lives, why do they all dress alike?If you're in control, why do these relationships happen to you? Isn't it more likely you chose them?
I'm not against introspection, I am against masturbation. I'm against edging. The critic wants to be able to contemplate, to go to therapy and discuss and introspect and what he will do there is talk about himself, think about himself, identify patterns in his life, things that have held him back-- and nothing will change.
The therapy becomes an elaborate narcissistic defense, the promise and appearance of progress while protecting an at best artificial and at worst non-existent identity. "I want to learn why I am this way." Then what? Will learning why you made those choices be what changes your choices? You're still eating junk food, aren't you? You're eating it while you're learning how bad it is.
"But... why am I this way?" That question is a narcissistic defense. It doesn't want an answer, it wants you to keep asking the question.
"I'm a good person, I just am making bad choices." Wrong. You're not a good person until you make good choices. Until then you are chaos.
And you know it.
Your problem is not unique: too much freedom. If you were stupid you could plug into the system easy, one talent= one job. But for you there are too many possibilities. Your parents being deceased, being in college, being smart... that's the ether in which a naturally worried, "is this good enough?" young man finds himself. The mistake many with that problem make is thinking that the problem is "themselves" and they need more introspection, or more insight, or more "brain hacks." You need less of those things. What you need are goals with concrete steps that you force yourself to boringly take.
in list: how to be an adult & be great at it too, BUILD SOCEITY: psychological law
"It doesn't mean I've said everything I thought (so-called "radical honesty"where there is no filter between brain and mouth) and it doesn't mean I've revealed everything possible although as one person once put it, "reading James Altucher's blog is like watching an ongoing train wreck". Believe me, it could be a lot more of a wreck."
That could lead to hurt, pain, dissonance, immaturity. Nor is this "revealing honesty" where you just tell people everything about yourself. If I did that I'd probably be in jail five times over. And then my kids would miss their father. Nor was Obi-Wan saying a "white lie" to get some small-term advantage or avoid some small disharmony.
What's the benefit of being honest with yourself? Recognizing my weaknesses, working on them, recognizing the liberating benefits of not having those weaknesses, using the experience of that liberation to help others - these are all benefits of being honest with yourself. start by being grateful for what u hv. and always ask- why am i doing this, why do i need this.
If people know that you are above and beyond honest with others, they will listen to you. when I am constructive with either criticism or suggestions then it helps the people I am talking to.They will know that your words are weighed out carefully.People notice extreme (not "radical" but "extreme") honesty. They reward it. The world rewards it. they believe u.anxieties and stresses go away because of the confidence you instilled in them, then events are more likely to go the way they want. You will have helped create the future.
Every second you say to yourself: are my words honest, and NOT HURTFUL to anyone? Are these the exact words that are BEST FOR EVERYONE and no other words would do. Then those are the words you use. That is honesty.How do you know what are the exact words that are best for everyone? You don't.It takes practice.
i've seen my boat sink over and over because I couldn't plug all the leaks. I've barely left the port. I want to cross the ocean now.
Honesty will get me across that ocean.
-
If I were back in high school and someone asked about my plans, I'd say that my first priority was to learn what the options were. You don't need to be in a rush to choose your life's work. What you need to do is discover what you like. You have to work on stuff you like if you want to be good at what you do.
-
don't give up on your dreams. I know what they mean, but this is a bad way to put it, because it implies you're supposed to be bound by some plan you made early on. The computer world has a name for this: premature optimization. And it is synonymous with disaster. These speakers would do better to say simply, don't give up.
What they really mean is, don't get demoralized. Don't think that you can't do what other people can. And I agree you shouldn't underestimate your potential. People who've done great things tend to seem as if they were a race apart. And most biographies only exaggerate this illusion - 24 more annotation(s)...
-
it might be wise to tell them that tediousness is not the defining quality of work, and indeed that the reason they have to work on dull stuff now is so they can work on more interesting stuff later.
-
The definition of work was now to make some original contribution to the world, and in the process not to starve. But after the habit of so many years my idea of work still included a large component of pain. Work still seemed to require discipline, because only hard problems yielded grand results, and hard problems couldn't literally be fun. Surely one had to force oneself to work on them.
If you think something's supposed to hurt, you're less likely to notice if you're doing it wrong. - 13 more annotation(s)...
-
difference between those who do and those who might have done.
-
But great work is something else than mere brains.
- 42 more annotation(s)...
"You can't look a big problem too directly in the eye. You have to approach it somewhat obliquely. But you have to adjust the angle just right: you have to be facing the big problem directly enough that you catch some of the excitement radiating from it, but not so much that it paralyzes you. You can tighten the angle once you get going, just as a sailboat can sail closer to the wind once it gets underway.
If you want to work on big things, you seem to have to trick yourself into doing it. You have to work on small things that could grow into big things, or work on successively larger things, or split the moral load with collaborators. It's not a sign of weakness to depend on such tricks. The very best work has been done this way.
When I talk to people who've managed to make themselves work on big things, I find that all blow off errands, and all feel guilty about it. I don't think they should feel guilty. There's more to do than anyone could. So someone doing the best work they can is inevitably going to leave a lot of errands undone. It seems a mistake to feel bad about that.
I think the way to "solve" the problem of procrastination is to let delight pull you instead of making a to-do list push you. Work on an ambitious project you really enjoy, and sail as close to the wind as you can, and you'll leave the right things undone."
Some ideas so obviously entail alarming schleps that anyone can see them. How do you see ideas like that? The trick I recommend is to take yourself out of the picture."Instead of asking "what problem should I solve?" ask "WHAT PROBLEM DO I WISH SOMEONE ELSE WOULD SOLVE FOR ME?""
Why work on problems few care much about and no one will pay for, when you could fix one of the most important components of the world's infrastructure? because their unconscious mind shrank from the complications involved.Your unconscious won't even let you see ideas that involve painful schleps. That's schlep blindness.
A company is defined by the schleps it will undertake. And schleps should be dealt with the same way you'd deal with a cold swimming pool: just jump in. Which is not to say you should seek out unpleasant work per se, but that you should never shrink from it if it's on the path to something great.
the most valuable antidote to schlep blindness is probably ignorance. Most successful founders would probably say that if they'd known when they were starting their company about the obstacles they'd have to overcome, they might never have started it.
in list: how to be an adult & be great at it too, BUILD SOCEITY: psychological law
CONVERSATIONAL RESOURCEFULNESS often means doing things you don't want to.With the good groups, you can tell that everything you say is being looked at with fresh eyes and even if it's dismissed, it's because of some logical reason e.g. "we already tried that" or "from speaking to our users that isn't what they'd like," etc. Those groups never have that glazed over look.
Chasing down all the implications of what's said to you can sometimes lead to uncomfortable conclusions. The best word to describe the failure to do so is probably "denial," Intellectually they were as capable as the successful founders of following all the implications of what one said to them. They just weren't eager to.As well as failing to chase down the implications of what was said to them, the unsuccessful founders would also fail to chase down funding, and users, and sources of new ideas. But the most immediate evidence I had that something was amiss was that I couldn't talk to them.they've already decided what they're going to do and everything I say is being put through an internal process in their heads, which either desperately tries to munge what I've said into something that conforms with their decision or just outright dismisses it and creates a rationalization for doing so.
in list: how to be an adult & be great at it too, BUILD SOCEITY: psychological law
"Standards about non-violence, telling the truth, feelings about adultery. Feelings about what you want in life (does this have to do with ethics? Of course, because if you want similar things then you will feel similar feelings of envy or non-envy as the occasion arises)."
Do you both work in similar fashion towards your goals? Do you both keep clean?
You should always have similar ideas about what constitutes good health and the methods for keeping the good health. If one of you works out every day and the other never does then attraction would be lost fast.Physical also means how much energy you have. Is one is filled with energy from eating well, sleeping well, exercise, etc then the other person needs to keep up.
similar curiousity, a similar love of having things you are passionate about, a similar eagerness to explore the unknown.
one side is always aggressive, the other side is always passive. One side always wants to clean thehouse, the other side always wants to mess up the house. And this difference gets wider after marriage. So there has to be a constant recognition, “Ok, this is where I’m splitting the difference” and try to bring that difference back to even. A conscious decision on both sides. It’s a daily check because it happens every day. You have to consciously think, “this is what she would do”, so you do it first.
You need different ways to approach surprise. To bring you back to that feeling you had the first moment you kissed.
It’s good to check the box that you are on a similar path towards contentment. Not necessarily happiness. I’m happy when I’m eating a big lemon pound cake. But then the cake is gone and I feel sick. But contentment, where everything you have is enough. Where everything you don’t have is in just the right spot. And you’re together and that’s good.
""Good" parenting, apparently, is trying techniques on your kid that were never used on you, even though you still turned out just fine. "
no lawyer ever says, "Your Honor, my client saw every episode of Bosom Buddies and McHale's Navy, I move for dismissal." Which is why I am telling you: TV is bad for the kid, but that thinking is much worse. thinking that they will be worse for your kids than they were for you is the fundamental, narcissistic error of parenting. "My kids are weaker than me." Then humanity is doomed.
in list: how to be an adult & be great at it too, BUILD SOCEITY: psychological law
"it isn't the beating itself that molded the kids, but the very clear rules and consequences, which requires an awesome level of energy, vigilance, and self-control on the parent's part"
As long as the kid can make sense of the story of his life, if he understands its narrative structure-- even if it is made up (Life Is Beautiful)-- he can make it. The amount of beating had no relationship to her behavior, it was entirely dependent on how he was feeling that day, not what she did. As a judge he had sentencing guidelines for different crimes; as a father he freelanced, and terribly. phrase that accompanies all abusive relationships: "I never know what kind of mood he'll be in." The beatings come from rage, which makes them sound like hate.
they put them in language classes, they try to saturate them in their heritage, but it's fake and it doesn't stick. How can you expect to make your kid more Chinese than you are? We're back to the fundamental error: why, if the parent got through life without much of the old ways, do they think their kids desperately need what they didn't? And the answer surfaces: it's not for the kids, it's for them. teaching them traditions is in itself positive; but they are utter wastes of time when it is for the parent.
The true temptation of education is how to raise your child by sacrificing your reputation.the typical pedagogical trap, which is, apparently you want to help your son, but the real goal is to remain the ideal figure for your son - you must sacrifice that.
[exact opposite;sacrificing her child's reputation, subjecting him to potential ridicule and god knows what else, not for his benefit but in order to promote her own identity.It's not the gender neutrality that's going to mess this kid up, though it might; but being raised by parents who are using their kid as something other than an end in himself.]
in list: how to be an adult & be great at it too, BUILD SOCEITY: pedagogical education system
"drill the most difficult parts"
'complicate' the difficult parts-problems with speed confound the rhythms, clarity problems alternate accent pattern
fix weakness
move towards a perfect mental image - don't reactively move away from mistakes
sick / energy
inertia / now
doubt / passion
lazy / work
careless / detailed check
vacillating / decide
no progress / another idea
delusions / results
obstacle / get rid of it
" High or low energy, intellectual or simple, emotional or fact-centered, nurturing or tough-love, closed-ended vs. open-ended questions, give advice or be a facilitator of their thoughts, etc. Showing you care is among the most important things you can do."
Going for their dream will likely fuel them to do the work needed to get there. Even if they don't succeed, they probably will have learned more and accomplished more from having tried.
Avoid arguing -briefly acknowledge them without starting a conversation about it, e.g., "I understand," and move the conversation to somewhere you'd like it to go.
-
To keep the conversation moving where you want, give the person two or three choices, all of which you're okay with.To minimize defensiveness, use California couching: "I'm wondering if it might be a good idea to do X. What do you think?"When you're annoyed with a client, it's safer to say "I" than "you," for example, "I'm getting confused. Can we slow down?"Be time-conscious. There are tools that can enable you to make a difference in just a few minutes. For example:1. Ask the student if s/he's better with words, numbers, people, working with her hands.2. Give her two disparate career choices within that category.3. Based on which one she prefers, offer choices you think will be more on-target.4. When she seems to like a career, ask her where it scores on The Meter from 0-10. If it's less than a 10, ask her, "What keeps it from being a ten?" Then propose a better-fit career.Don't expect them to agree to do what you ask--planting a seed may be all you can reasonably expect.Sometimes, all you can do is give them a resource: someone to talk with, a website, an article, book, etc.
Selected Tags
Related Tags
Top Contributors
Groups interested in starred
-
Everybody can watch here excellent photo gallery of "Angie Harmon"
Angela Michelle "Angie" Harm...
Items: 1 | Visits: 6
Created by: Azharul Islam
Diigo is about better ways to research, share and collaborate on information. Learn more »
Join Diigo