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...With your friends, your family, and your spouse / romantic interest?
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Feb
17
2012
""Tell me more." or "I'd like to reflect on this. I'll get back to your tomorrow.""
Dec
31
2011
"Coming clean about conflicts of interest, they find, can promote less ethical behavior by advisers. People with a conflict gave biased advice to benefit themselves. disclosing the conflict of interest — far from being a solution — actually made advisers act in a more self-serving way."
AND people were actually more likely to comply with the advice when the doctor’s bias was disclosed. people feel an increased pressure to take the advice to avoid insinuating that they distrust their doctor. People feel pressure to behave generously even if it’s not in their best interest
in list: PERSONALITY TYPES & Thinking patterns in decision-making, how to be an adult & be great at it too
Dec
6
2011
" High or low energy, intellectual or simple, emotional or fact-centered, nurturing or tough-love, closed-ended vs. open-ended questions, give advice or be a facilitator of their thoughts, etc. Showing you care is among the most important things you can do."
Going for their dream will likely fuel them to do the work needed to get there. Even if they don't succeed, they probably will have learned more and accomplished more from having tried.
Avoid arguing -briefly acknowledge them without starting a conversation about it, e.g., "I understand," and move the conversation to somewhere you'd like it to go.
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To keep the conversation moving where you want, give the person two or three choices, all of which you're okay with.To minimize defensiveness, use California couching: "I'm wondering if it might be a good idea to do X. What do you think?"When you're annoyed with a client, it's safer to say "I" than "you," for example, "I'm getting confused. Can we slow down?"Be time-conscious. There are tools that can enable you to make a difference in just a few minutes. For example:1. Ask the student if s/he's better with words, numbers, people, working with her hands.2. Give her two disparate career choices within that category.3. Based on which one she prefers, offer choices you think will be more on-target.4. When she seems to like a career, ask her where it scores on The Meter from 0-10. If it's less than a 10, ask her, "What keeps it from being a ten?" Then propose a better-fit career.Don't expect them to agree to do what you ask--planting a seed may be all you can reasonably expect.Sometimes, all you can do is give them a resource: someone to talk with, a website, an article, book, etc.
Nov
21
2011
" don't actually believe someone will deliberately lie under normal circumstances, or that they are purely evil. There are those who have agendas that don't align with mine, which gives them incentive to work against my interests, but they're not just out to screw me-they're out to succeed. Just like me."
"We kill the quiet ones because they aren't helping."
in list: PERSONALITY TYPES & Thinking patterns in decision-making, how to be an adult & be great at it too
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Rapidly size up a person based on how they deliver a single sentence. “I… am a Villager.” Where was he looking when he was speaking? Did he make eye contact? Was he fidgeting? Is he usually fidgeting? Why’d he stutter? That strikes me as… wolfy…
Observe the rapid evolution of roles in high-pressure scenarios. Who comes forward to lead? Are they challenged? Do they last? Why is she leading now? She was quiet last time. Who does she question? What kinds of questions is she asking? What kind of non-verbal language is she using? And why does she appear to be aligning with him?
Figure out how to fluidly integrate yourself into a group of strangers. How do they develop alliances based on little information? Who already knows each other? How are they communicating? Who is really playing and who is still trying to figure out the rules? Who am I instantly connecting with? Why I am being let into this particular clique? I don’t trust her, but for some reason she’s got my back.
Learn how to lie without the guilt or getting caught. What’s the difference between sinning by omission, twisting the facts, and outright, blatant lying? What kind of a lie is a temporary convenience versus long-term trouble? How many lies can you tell and still keep your story straight? What are the keys to a convincing lie? What does this particular group of people want to hear? “You can’t kill me—I’m the Seer and I know who the Werewolves are… really.”
Aggressively turn the spotlight off you and onto someone else using nothing but chutzpah. Who is the weakest in the room and how did they make themselves weak? What’s the balance between sounding credible and desperate? When is answering a question with a question the right move? Can they sense you’re aggressively trying to hide? How do you defuse the leader’s authority and credibility? “No, I’m not a Werewolf, but I’M CERTAIN SHE IS!”
Perfect the poker face. Can you hide your emotions and reactions? What is the right type and amount of eye contact, body language, and tone of voice? When is calm believable? When is it not? Who can you look in the eye while maintaining your cool? Who is a liability? When is it time to completely shift your personality to make a point? “I… am a Villager.”
Oct
15
2011
"When people feel valued, they tend to cooperate. When they don't feel valued, they resist what feels to them like submission. If you want cooperation, you must show value. If you want resistance, all you have to do is devalue, criticize, demand, or otherwise show ill-will.
But don't think about showing value - that can smell of manipulation. Focus instead on feeling value for your partner. This will lower emotional intensity and shrink the subject under negotiation to manageable proportions. Regardless of your stance on any specific behavior, always remember that you are negotiating with someone you love, who is more important to you than whatever behavior request you want to make."
Sep
25
2011
"When someone does something that bothers you, it's important to take that immediate opportunity to tell them. you do have to confront the situation or risk encouraging the bad behavior you're seeking to prevent."
Sep
21
2011
smile;eyecontact; put urself in the shoes of the listener; utter<45secs; anecdotes;tact;bold; ask for just a a small piece; "first thing a man will do for his ideals is lie"; praise their insecurities; script leaches chemistry.
Mar
1
2011
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Your options greatly increase when you recognize that the other party is not irrational, but simply uninformed, constrained, or focused on interests that you did not anticipate. And as you know, the more options you have, the more effectively you will negotiate.
Feb
12
2010
greater the ease with which you can memorize large amounts of information, the quicker you will arrive at fluency.
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memorizing words and whole phrases and sentences
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If you have a page of prose or a conversation from a movie memorized you can practice saying them out loud, slowly, and at increasing speed, over and over again both to work on your pronunciation as well as to develop intuition for what it will be like to speak the language at native speeds.
Nov
30
2009
negative communication in relationships arises because we treat feelings as facts, and tend to skip over the thoughts that underly those feelings
in list: PERSONALITY TYPES & Thinking patterns in decision-making
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Thoughts precede emotions.
2. Honesty requires that we communicate our thoughts and feelings, not our conclusions.Molyneux’s point is that so much of the negative communication in relationships arises because we treat feelings as facts, and tend to skip over the thoughts that underly those feelings. This results in arguments that are, in essence, based on mythology.
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Thoughts precede emotions. Emotions, in and of themselves, tell you nothing about the facts of reality.
Oct
20
2009
communication flows most effectively when you are at the same level as those you are communicating with - maintain your self-worth, don't downplay.
Choose your words carefully & listen actively, if a conversation goes wrong, review and think of what points to get across next time.
If its not possible to plan ahead, atleast acknowledge[ on observtn, validity, identiftn] others viewpoint and work to find a neutral zone to avoid argument.
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much of the stress that graduate students and postdocs experience, especially with their advisers and principal investigators, has, at its roots, communication difficulties.
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give credit to both your team and yourself. Don't be self-centered and don't downplay your own individual accomplishments.
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Sep
25
2009
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"we" and "us" -- her use of personal pronouns -- you know she feels committed.
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day one idea is telling: he knows how often the idea for a business changes over time, and he's ready for it.
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Sep
17
2009
Likable people are easy to relate to. They’ve learned how to explain their passions and drives in a way other people can readily understand.
Aug
16
2009
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active-constructive response would go: "Wow, this is great news. I know you really deserve it and you'll do really well." A passive-constructive one would be: "That's nice." An active-destructive one sounds something like, "It's excellent but are you sure you can handle it?" A passive-destructive response would be, "Well, you know, I had an exciting day, too."
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if we feel good about ourselves (in a realistic way), we have better relationships."
The other big factor in keeping relationships close is showing gratitude to one another.
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Aug
12
2009
look to see if others are moving toward silence or violence.
give up saving face, being right, or winning.Use a contrasting statement that addresses others’ concerns that you don’t respect or that you have a malicious purpose.
distinguishing between hard facts and your invested story.Share your facts. Tell your story. Ask for others’ :MIRROR THEIR EMOTIONS,PARAPHRASE,GUESS THEIR REACTIONS.
in list: NETWORKING
Jul
25
2009
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They’re trying to sound smarter than they really are, pretending to know more than they really do, or acting like their life is better than it really is.
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achievements entitle them to continued attention. Big mistake. No one is entitled to attention, not even famous people
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