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Living with the death of a child.
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To live without Ryan is awful. I don’t want anyone to get the idea that we are being particularly saintly about it. Knowing that something is good for you and your soul and living with it are two different things. Many nice things could be said about David, the children and I, but saint is not the word that jumps to mind. Really. So we struggle mightily with grief, confusion and anger. We gasp when the pain stabs us, when a memory overcomes or a memento crosses our path. The tidal wave that is grief leaves us breathless and weary. However, we are Catholic and we know that our suffering is not in vain, we have the ultimate example of that in the Passion and Death of Christ. So in my very imperfect way I try to follow the example of Mary and trust my God, who I know loves me. Who has a plan for my family that will reunite us all in heaven and give us eternity to spend loving.
Reflections on the Death of My Mother-Dennis Prager
Wonderful insights by Dennis Prager
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But while age at death is the whole story for outsiders, it is only half the story for a person's loved ones. One does not miss a loved one less because he or she died at 89. My mind is entirely at peace with my mother's death at 89, nearly all of those years lived in good health, and the last 69 in wedded bliss to my father, who is alive and well. But I do not miss her one whit less because she was 89. Indeed, one might argue that having lived to age 61, I have had that much longer a period of time to get used to having — and very much enjoying — my mother in my life. My mind is deeply grateful; but it also knows that my mother is gone forever.
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From my late teens onward, the relationship between my mother and me improved steadily. As the years progressed, I enjoyed her more and, yes, loved her more. Unless either an adult child or a parent has serious psychological issues, I am convinced that what I experienced is quite common. There is an enormous amount of luck — good and bad — in life; and one of the greatest pieces of good luck for a parent (and child, for that matter) is for parents and children to have the time to work things out.
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Signs of Dying
Hands down, the best web site that I have ever found on the topic. If the inept hospice workers had given my sister and me this type of information I think we both would have actually been there when mom passed.
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Signs of Imminent Death
Eyes have glassy fixed stare with large pupils
Pasty grey, or blue greyish colour present especially on lips, hands
and feet
Hands and feet can be cold
Jaw open, breathing through mouth very rapid or very slow (often with
rattle) with pauses of 20-50 seconds between breaths
Unresponsive to voice or pain
It is most important not to do or say anything that
might disturb or anger the person, like speaking abruptly, arguing,
crying, rough handling; maintain a peaceful atmosphere with people praying,
meditating or chanting according to the dying person's wishes or as
instructed by their spiritual guide/teacher. Any supporters can generate
limitless universal or devotion in their hearts and the wish for the
dying person to be released from suffering with this love or devotion/faith
and become unified with love, with god or with their source of inspiration
and virtue.
CaringBridge / chrisklicka / Welcome
Update on HSLDA attorney Chris Klicka's condition. A lot of what he is going through sounds very familiar to what I read about when my mother was dying, although she didn't have as much agitation. I wonder if part of that is because she was older and female.
Mr. Pete spoke personally to Mr. Klicka a few years ago at a big homeschool convention about his multiple sclerosis. One of our sisters-in-law had just been diagnosed with MS and was failing fast. He suggested a diet that he was on that had improved his health greatly and he gave a copy to Mr. Pete. Both my brother and sister-in-law went on this diet and they too had good results with it. I will always be grateful to Mr. Klicka for that.
Dearly Departed & Phone lines… » The Anchoress | A First Things Blog
A very interesting post and conversation about the dearly departed sending us messages. If you read that mom - take the hint!!
More bodies go unclaimed as families can't afford funeral costs - Los Angeles Times
Interesting article to me as we just went through my mother's funeral. Fortunately for us, she had pre-planned her funeral and pre-paid.
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- She wouldn't have to fly out- ashes can be mailed. My father's ashes were sent via the USPS from New Mexico to Ohio! - on 2009-07-22
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The poor economy is taking a toll even on the dead, with an increasing number of bodies in Los Angeles County going unclaimed by families who cannot afford to bury or cremate their loved ones.
At the county coroner's office -- which handles homicides and other suspicious deaths -- 36% more cremations were done at taxpayers' expense in the last fiscal year over the previous year, from 525 to 712. - 3 more annotations...
Dealing With Your Loved One's Imminent Death - Preparations and Activities - Death & Dying
Physical Changes before Death | Bukisa.com
This is probably the best description of dying that I have seen, and it certainly explains things much better than the literature from hospice did!
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When the eyes are glassy and fixed, death normally occurs within hours.
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As death does approach, breathing may become labored with the person gasping for air. A low throaty gurgling is common and is often referred to as the death rattle. These breaths will slow and come further and further apart until the final breath is taken
The Care of Dying Patients -- Feinberg 126 (2): 164 -- Annals of Internal Medicine
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Why, despite our honest efforts, are we doing such an inadequate job with end-of-life care? Why did SUPPORT fail even to begin to alleviate the problems it set out to address? What are the implications of the public's perception that care is frequently impersonal and mechanical? And, finally, what can be done about this perception? -
Hospice offers humane care with an emphasis on the relief of both physical and mental pain. But only a small percentage of patients avail themselves of this opportunity, perhaps because entering hospice means accepting death and "defeat."
Syndrome of Imminent Death
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1. Recognition
Early Stage: bed bound; loss of interest and ability to drink/eat; cognitive changes: either hypoactive or hyperactive delirium or increasing sleepiness.
Mid Stage: further decline in mental status--obtunded; "death rattle" -- pooled oral secretions that are not cleared due to loss of swallowing reflex; fever is common.
Late Stage: coma, cool extremities, altered respiratory pattern--either fast or slow, fever is common; death.
2. Time Course: The time to traverse the various stages can be less than 24 hours or up to 10-14 days. Once entered, it is difficult to accurately predict the time course, which may cause considerable family distress, as death seems to "linger".
The Dying Process - Signs of Approaching Death
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This is the time during the journey that one begins to sleep most of the time. Disorientation is common and altered senses of perception can be expected. One may experience delusions, sometimes thinking others are trying to hurt them.
Symptoms of Active Dying
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Cheyne-Stokes respirations refer to a rhythmic change in respirations wherein breathing becomes shallower and
shallower variably with a slowing in respiratory rate that culminates usually
in complete cessation of breathing for several seconds to more than a minute.
This is followed by progressively stronger respirations
that become exaggerated and quite deep. This pattern is thought to result from
abnormal brainstem responses to CO2 levels in the blood - initially undercompensating
and then overcompensating.
Florence S. Wald, American Pioneer in End-of-Life Care, Is Dead at 91 - Obituary (Obit) - NYTimes.com
Florence S. Wald was the mother of the modern hospice industry. This is a remarkable and educational story about her life and achievements.
Michigan Catholic Conference » Public Policy » MCC Board / Bishops' Statements » Living & Dying According to the Voice of Faith
A good letter about death's place in the cycle of life. Good questions for reflection at the end.
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The prospect of our own inevitable dying, and watching our loved ones die, naturally raises anxieties and fears about our capacity to bear the physical pain and psychological stress that might be connected to the dying process. We fear the possibility of being alone and forgotten. We perhaps lack the appropriate information about the proper steps to take in planning for our future death and that of our loved ones. We worry about the financial resources required for long-term care.
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For many people the dying process is especially frightening because it seems to be the final and most complete moment of isolation, separation and loneliness. We imagine being caught in unending physical agony with no one who could possibly understand, much less comfort us. Following the voice of fear, we run away from death and desperately try to put it out of mind and sight—as far and as long as possible. And when it seems that death can no longer be avoided, we are naturally tempted to consider a quick escape or exit.
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The Three True Reasons People Die of Cancer Today « BioHermit.com
Excellent essay.
Chemotherapy versus death from cancer : Respectful Insolence
What it's like to die from cancer.
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