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I cleaned up the translation a little to remove some of those eths and ests and such, which you can find in all their glory at the link above. I kept the last, though, as this is my new motto: That appertaineth not to me to do. I'm going to put it on tee-shirts and coffee mugs. And when my wife asks me to do the dishes, I'll just point at the (dirty) coffee mug and nod knowingly.

Apparently, Grendel's mother wears high-heels. Or, more accurately, as a shape-shifter*, she has made her feet into high heels.** Now, granted, there are no high heels in the Anglo-Saxon poem, as high heels didn't manage to get invented until the sixteenth century, but this sort of observation is just pure academic pedantry. I might as well point out that there wasn't computer animation in fifth-century Denmark, at least, no computer animation that remains extant. And while some historians theorize that there was a form of computer animation that was transmitted orally, it's beside the point.***

The important thing here is not the anachronism, it's the symbolism. In order to make Grendel's mother into more of a Stacy's Mom****, the creators of the movie had to dig deep into our collective unconscious to find a symbol for sexuality so unusual, so revolutionary, that the only option left to them was the high heel.

Now, I hear you saying, "Isn't the high heel already associated with sexuality?" Yes, of course, and that is what makes it so revolutionary. Normal high heels are devices used to create the appearance of sexuality, by making the feet look smaller, the legs longer, the calves tauter, etc. As a shape-shifter, Grendel's mother is in complete control of her physical form. She can make her feet as small as she'd like and lengthen her legs to match. In making her feet into shoes, she has had to actually increase the size of her feet and shorten the length of her leg--she has made herself less sexy, so that she can appear more sexy. The high heels then contribute nothing to the process except for the reminder of their normal function. She's more seductive because she has had to take pains to appear like she had to take pains to appear more seductive. Don't you see, man, the high heels symbolize the very act of symbolism, and isn't that the most symbolic thing of all? I mean, dude. Duuuude.******