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New 'War' Enables Mankind To Resolve Disagreements | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

  • war has solved hundreds of problems, from waterway access to border disputes to the entirety of Polish history.

Sumerians Look On In Confusion As God Creates World | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

  • Members of the earth's earliest known civilization, the Sumerians, looked on in shock and confusion some 6,000 years ago as God, the Lord Almighty, created Heaven and Earth.


     YIR numbers web 5


    According to recently excavated clay tablets inscribed with cuneiform script, thousands of Sumerians—the first humans to establish systems of writing, agriculture, and government—were working on their sophisticated irrigation systems when the Father of All Creation reached down from the ether and blew the divine spirit of life into their thriving civilization.



    "I do not understand," reads an ancient line of pictographs depicting the sun, the moon, water, and a Sumerian who appears to be scratching his head. "A booming voice is saying, 'Let there be light,' but there is already light. It is saying, 'Let the earth bring forth grass,' but I am already standing on grass."



    "Everything is here already," the pictograph continues. "We do not need more stars."

16 May 09

These God Pundits Can Give You a Splitting Headache | Sex and Relationships | AlterNet

Matt Taibbi at his funniest. Attacks Stanley Fish and Terry Eagleton for jumping on top of the God train from their ivory towers. Great prose here.

www.alternet.org/..._give_you_a_splitting_headache - Preview

writing religion non-theism humor

  • now that 21st century capitalism has hit the wall and yuppies everywhere are flying through the windshield into debt and foreclosure, the God-hawkers will show up here, too, to argue that where materialism and science have let your postmodern liberal self down, religion comes ready with answers.
  • First of all, why is that no professor alive can make it ten feet from his front door without sticking an a priori into a sentence? Is there some kind of subterranean lair where academics are beaten with whips and clubs until they learn to write alliterative book titles (”Pus, Primates, and Pessimism: Jane Goodall’s Descent into Septic Shock”) and lard up perfectly good sentences with epistemological catch-phrases? Weird.
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26 Mar 09

Theory of creationism has its share of holes | CITIZEN-TIMES.com | Asheville Citizen-Times

  • Creationists question Darwin's theory of evolution. How sound is the theory of creationism? My King James version of the Bible presents at least two versions of the creation story. One, a straightforward tale of God's creation of the heavens and the earth and all creatures therein including man, male and female.

    Then there is the story of Adam and Eve. The genealogy of Adam follows with a story of creation not very different from the first version. The genealogy begins with Adam's son Seth. There is no reference to either Cain or Abel.

    Adam and succeeding generations of men lived at least beyond 700 years. Then comes Noah and the flood. All but Noah and his family died in the flood. The flood dried up in the 601st year (Gen. 8:13).

    Adam, it says in the Bible, lived to be 930 years old. But Adam would have died in the flood at the age of 600 or so along with most of the men listed in his genealogy.

    I wonder how creationists will handle these facts?

    Darwin's theory seems by contrast to be quite sound.

19 Mar 09

Salon.com Life | What would Jesus do on spring break?

Poignant and hilarious undercover journalist's account: " In the middle of Daytona's annual season of sin, I went undercover with a group of evangelical Christians trying to convert drunk partygoers. God help me."

www.salon.com/...print.html - Preview

christianity culture usa humor

  • Evangelizing to secular spring breakers in Florida might sound like an enormous waste of time. Why not go somewhere where Jesus would be an easier sell? Like Islamabad? Or a Christopher Hitchens dinner party? But Daytona Beach's bacchanalian atmosphere is part of the allure for domestic missionaries -- it's what's called "battleground evangelism."




    "Be warned: This is going to be 24/7 spiritual warfare," explained the Liberty Mission coordinator. "We're talking about Satan's home turf here."

  • As I listened to him speak, I knew I had to go. After all, one of the things I haven't seen yet is Liberty students living outside their ideological safe space, in real-world settings where they're forced to interact with people like, well, me. So a short application, two weeks, and a $600 trip fee later, I was in a white Ford panel van, quickly dubbed the "Jesusmobile," making my way down I-95 with 14 Liberty students.
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07 Mar 09

Will Bunch: What Battered Newsrooms Can Learn From Stewart's CNBC Takedown

Great analysis of the genius of Jon Stewart's well-researched smackdown of cable finance channels - CNBC, Bloomberg, etc.

www.huffingtonpost.com/...ered-newsrooms-c_b_172397.html - Preview

research media humor wallstreet satire

  • In a time when newspapers are flat-out dying if not dealing with bankruptcy or massive job losses, while other types of news orgs aren't faring much better, the journalistic success of a comedy show rant shouldn't be viewed as a stick in the eye -- but a teachable moment. Why be a curmudgeon about kids today getting all their news from a comedy show, when it's not really that hard to join Stewart in his own idol-smashing game?



    Here's how:



    1) Great research trumps good access to the powerful: The Stewart piece makes this controversial but critical point in two different ways. For one thing, the story shows how access to the nation's most powerful CEOs -- supposedly the big advantage of a journalistic enterprise like CNBC -- isn't worth a warm bucket of spit when it results in slo-pitch softball questions, for fear of offending the rich and powerful. And so we see Ford's CEO grilled about Kid Rock's performance at the auto show, Ponzi scammer (later revealed) Alan Stanford quizzed on whether it's fun to be a billionaire, and Maria "Money Honey" Bartiromo gushing at how corporate chiefs were still telling her that their companies were doing great, even as the massive iceberg was casting its shadow over the hull of the American economy.

  • Jon Stewart's act of journalism -- reported, of course, by his ace team of writers -- worked because there were no interviews at all. It all hung instead on meticulous research, dredging up lethal quips of CNBC's stock pumping hosts to hang them with their own undeniable words -- Jim Cramer's "buy buy buy" when the Dow was roughly double what it is today, his touting of Bear Stearns' and Bank of America's doomed stocks. The kind of research that's so hard for most newspapers to do anymore, with downsized staffs and ever-looming deadlines, but which can so often belies the spin from our "accessible" sources.
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27 Feb 09

Project Steve: n > 1000 | NCSE

  • With the addition of Steve #1000 on September 5, 2008, NCSE's Project Steve attained the kilosteve mark.
  • tongue-in-cheek parody of the long-standing creationist tradition of amassing lists of "scientists who doubt evolution" or "scientists who dissent from Darwinism," Project Steve mocks such lists by restricting its signatories to scientists whose first name is Steve.
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