• So here is the recipe: Americans need to invest a bit of time in understanding  the intricacies of soccer, to understand the beauty of a long pass, a  well-placed free kick, a quick run up the field and a blocked shot  -- rather than apply some quick fixes that might ruin the game  for the rest of the world.

• Why Americans Don't Watch Soccer

  
   

  It is a question that has been debated by the finest minds in the world: Why  don't Americans watch soccer? Why is it that a game so embraced by the rest of  the planet is only attempted by about 8% of the American population? A myriad of  reasons have been set forth by a number of commentators, ranging from political  to those who believe Americans are just too fat to move. Happily, we Americans  here at Giant Lists are ready to put the debate to rest once and for all. Here  are the real reasons our countrymen don't dig soccer.

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  #01

   

   

  There aren't enough points.

  
   

  (Because what good is a sport if you can't bury your opponent under a 100  point lead?)

   

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  #02

   

   

  It's boring to watch.

  
   

  (And baseball is known for being exceptionally exciting to  watch.)

   

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  #03

   

   

  We have too many sports already.

  
   

  (Sports that we are good enough at playing to not be slaughtered in by  Finland every four years.)

   

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  #04

   

   

  A history of colonialism makes it politically untenable.

  
   

  (Setting: Boston Common, 1776. Britain to America: Here's a fun game for  you to play, colonies. America to Britain: How about we have a revolution and  you shove that fun game up your ass, oppressors?)

   

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  #05

   

   

  There's too much distracting product placement.

  
   

  (Hi Kettle, it's Pot. Feeling black today?)

   

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  #06

   

   

  The pacing of the game makes it difficult to edit for television.

  
   

  (The Budweiser Clydesdales aren't interested in making commercials  shorter than 40 seconds.)

   

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  #07

   

   

  It's not violent enough.

  
   

  (No fights, no blood, no deal.)

   

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  #08

   

   

  We didn't think the game up and it is therefore suspect.

  
   

  (Translation: We don't know the rules.)

   

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  #09

   

   

  We don't kick balls; we kick ass!

  
   

  (And when we do kick balls, we get our asses kicked.)

   

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  #10

   

   

  We have never won a championship.

  
   

  (Well, the boys haven't, but see #11.)

   

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  #11

   

   

  It's game for Commies and girls.

  
   

  (If this were true, then the best team in the world should be the Chinese  women's team, but who beat them in 1999 FIFA Women's World Cup? Wait for  it...wait for it...wait...the American women's team! Oh hell yes! Capitalist  ladies for soccer in the States! Who's with me?)

• Another unofficial report says that 63.9 of the world population watch Soccer.  It’s somewhat hard to conclude but if you actually tour around the world you  would always meet someone who knows what soccer is and which teams are leading  the race

• For generations, hard-core soccer fans have enjoyed a match by sitting in front  of a TV for 90 tense, commercial-free minutes. There, perhaps through the lens  of a pint or two, they have analyzed each run down the sideline, each tackle and  each of the man-on-man struggles on the pitch.

• On Friday, the opening day of the tournament, five million unique visitors  went to the site, which is available in nine languages. According to industry  analyst comScore Networks, 57 percent of the visitors were English speakers. In  2002, the Yahoo-FIFA site attracted 20 million unique visitors for the whole  tournament, according to Yahoo officials.  

  That figure could be surpassed within the first week. An average 4.4 million  people have stopped by the Yahoo site through the tournament's first three days  and watched an average 375,000 streaming videos daily over that same time,  according to comScore Networks.
• Indeed, there is no quicker way into an American sports fan's heart than by  enabling them to avoid work and go online for the latest score. Surreptitiously  watching the Cup at work will become easier between June 26 and July 9; that's  when anybody with a high-speed Internet connection can watch all the matches  (except the ABC-broadcast contests) online for free at ESPN360.com.

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