This link has been bookmarked by 23 people . It was first bookmarked on 24 Jul 2008, by Lynn Horne.
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13 Dec 12
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06 Sep 12
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13 Apr 12
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walk away
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ignore them
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remember that he had good friends to count on
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had a melt down … a very tearful session at the kitchen table
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hated going to school, that he never wanted to go back there
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asked that night if we could move or home school him
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8 th grade school year started up again, Ryan approached his new girlfriend in person
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In front of her friends she told him he was just a loser and that she did not want anything to do with him
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found out that her friends and her thought it would be funny to make him think she liked him and to get him to say a lot of personal, embarrassing stuff
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copied and pasted there private IM exchanges into ones with her friends
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14 Dec 10
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This site is dedicated to the memory of our son Ryan and for all young people suffering in silence from the pain of bullying and having thoughts of suicide. We hope students become less ashamed to ask for help when feeling suicidal. We hope adults gain knowledge from our tragedy. As a society, we need to find better ways to help our children through their most difficult growing years.
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If We Only Knew, If He Only Told Us
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October 7, 2003 will always be the day that divides my life. Before that day my son Ryan was alive. A sweet, gentle and lanky thirteen year old fumbling his way through early adolescence and trying to establish his place in the often confusing and difficult social world of middle school. After that day my son would be gone forever, a death by suicide. Some would call it bullycide or even cyber bullycide. I just call it a huge hole in my heart that will never heal.
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But there were early concerns with Ryan’s speech, language and motor skills development as he neared kindergarten.
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It was during the fifth grade that we first began to encounter the bullying problem. A certain kid and his friends picked up on Ryan’s academic weaknesses and his poor physical coordination. But since he was not being physically bullied by these boys, only by words, we advised him to just ignore them, walk away and remember that he had good friends to count on. We even went so far as to get him a therapist to further help him develop coping skills and to boost his self-esteem during this school year. By the end of fifth grade he seemed fine and so, based on the therapist’s advice, we stopped the sessions.
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December 2002, the bullying problem surfaced again to a significant level. There was an evening that month when h
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e just had a melt down … a very tearful session at the kitchen table
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thought 7th grade was going fine but discovered he was bottling up a lot of bad experiences during the first few months. Again, it was the same kid and his friends that bullied him on and off since the 5th grade. They were tormenting him again
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How I wish I could now turn back the clock
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ot of things during these workouts including strategies in dealing with the bully and his friends. I was quite proud of him, seeing his self confidence build. It truly felt like the "Karate Kid" movie, getting him ready for the big match. But I reminded Ryan that he was never to start a fight with this kid, but he certainly had my permission to “whale on him” the moment he laid a hand on Ryan.
Sure
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- No IMing/chatting with strangers
- No giving any personal information (name/address/phone) to strangers
- No sending pictures to strangers
- No secret passwords
se for Ryan since kindergarten. He acted out like a typical middle school age kid – moody at times but also very sweet and funny most of the time. The "normal" ups and downs were what we observed. And we were always there for him, always reminding him how much we loved him. For the rest of 7th grade, I kept checking in with Ryan and asking him if that kid was still bothering him. His answer was always the same … that since that fight, the bully had left him alone. I often thought to myself, “This plan worked perfectly!”
One day Ryan’s answer surprised us. He said he was now friends with the kid. We were not happy with this news. We warned him to watch his back since this kid was his nemesis for so long. We discouraged the friendship but decided to back off, feeling he was of age to make decisions like this and potentially have to learn from a misjudgment. How I wish we instead ended the so called friendship right from the start.
Ryan’s young teen life included swimming, camping, skateboarding, biking, snowboarding, playing computer games and instant messaging. A typical array of “healthy” and “normal” teen activities … or so it seemed. My son loved being on-line, staying connected with his friends after the school day and throughout the summer. But during the summer of 2003, a greater deal of time was spent on-line, mainly instant messaging. I was concerned and felt compelled to remind him of our internet safety rules.
Our last rule was a safety one. I told my two older children that they had to use the password I gave
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accounts they signed up. I promised I would not read personal messages or spy on them but, “God forbid you don’t follow the first few rules and you just disappear one day, I will want instant access to all of your activities on-line.” Never in a million years did I imagine this rule would someday end up becoming the key to unlocking the mystery of why my son took his own life.
A few days after his funeral I logged on to his AOL IM account because that was the one place he spent most of his time during the last few months. I logged on to see if there were any clues to his final action. It was in that safe world of being somewhat anonymous that several of his classmates told me of the bullying and cyber bullying that took place during the months that led up to his suicide. The boy that had bullied him since 5 th grade and briefly befriended Ryan after the brawl was the main culprit. My son the comedian told his new friend something embarrassing and funny that happened once and the friend (bully) ran with the new information that Ryan had something done to him and therefore Ryan must be gay. The rumor and taunting continued beyond that school day … well into the night and during the summer of 2003. During the summer, my son approached a pretty “popular” girl from his school on-line and worked on establishing a relationship with her; I’m sure as a surefire way to squash the “gay” rumor before everyone returned to school in the fall.
When the 8 th grade school year started up again, Ryan approached his new girlfriend in person. I’m sure he was never prepared to handle what happened next. In front of her friends she told him he was just a loser and that she did not want anything to do with him. She said she was only joking on-line. He found out that her friends and her thought it would be funny to make him think she liked him and to get him to say a lot of personal, embarrassing stuff. She copied and pasted there private IM exchanges into ones with her friends. They all had a good laugh at Ryan’s expense.
Now certainly my son was not the first boy in history to be bullied and have his heart crushed by a pretty girl’s rejection. But when I discovered a folder filled with IM exchanges throughout the summer and further interviewed his classmates, I realized that technology was being utilized as weapons far more effective and reaching then
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20 Nov 10
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25 Oct 10
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13 Apr 10
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02 Apr 10
Noelle KreiderWebsite provided by parents of a child who committed suicide as a result of cyberbullying. Provides warning signs and resources.
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20 Mar 10
Charlie Sensenbrenner" * Home
* About
* Dedications
* Laws
* Cyberbullying
* Suicide Prevention
* Resources
* Assemblies
* Guestbook
This site is dedicated to the memory of our son Ryan and for all young people suffering in silence from the pain of bullying and having thoughts of suicide. We hope students become less ashamed to ask for help when feeling suicidal. We hope adults gain knowledge from our tragedy. As a society, we need to find better ways to help our children through their most difficult growing years." -
17 Mar 10
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14 Mar 10
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08 Jan 10
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10 Dec 09
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15 Jul 09
Caren Kimbarovskyhis site is dedicated to the memory of our son Ryan and for all young people suffering in silence from the pain of bullying and having thoughts of suicide. We hope young people become less ashamed to ask for help when feeling suicidal. We hope adults gai
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04 Jun 09
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15 Mar 09
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12 Dec 08
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04 Aug 08
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04 Dec 07
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19 Oct 07
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25 Aug 07
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