To live without Ryan is awful. I don’t want anyone to get the idea that we are being particularly saintly about it. Knowing that something is good for you and your soul and living with it are two different things. Many nice things could be said about David, the children and I, but saint is not the word that jumps to mind. Really. So we struggle mightily with grief, confusion and anger. We gasp when the pain stabs us, when a memory overcomes or a memento crosses our path. The tidal wave that is grief leaves us breathless and weary. However, we are Catholic and we know that our suffering is not in vain, we have the ultimate example of that in the Passion and Death of Christ. So in my very imperfect way I try to follow the example of Mary and trust my God, who I know loves me. Who has a plan for my family that will reunite us all in heaven and give us eternity to spend loving.
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