This link has been bookmarked by 116 people . It was first bookmarked on 02 Mar 2006, by Pat keeney.
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26 Aug 11
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25 Mar 11
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I have PMS and a handgun. Any questions? (thanks to Colleen Sievert)
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JESUS SAVES at Banco de Mexico (thanks to Martin Mooney)
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I'm not bossy, I just know what you should be doing. (thanks to Eggs Benedict)
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I am the English Teacher about whom your mother warned you. (thanks to Eggs Benedict)
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My idea of a team effort is a lot of people doing whatever I say. (thanks to Jacob)
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Insults
Math Lessons
Stories
Stages of Life
Bad Resumes
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<!-- InstanceBeginEditable name="Subtitle" -->These are some of the best! <!-- InstanceEndEditable -->
<!-- InstanceBeginEditable name="Text" --> Dyslexics poets write inverse. (thanks to Lynn Lisk)
My car is a status symbol. The symbol of me being poor! (thanks to Cydney Troupe)
I may be fat, but you're ugly - and I can diet. (thanks to Alex Garofalo)
I have PMS and a handgun. Any questions? (thanks to Colleen Sievert)
JESUS SAVES, he passes to Noah who shoots and SCORES! (thanks to Simon Howes)
Where am I going? And why am I in a handbasket? (thanks to GNNR16)
JESUS SAVES at Banco de Mexico (thanks to Martin Mooney)
My next car is a Bentley*. [* conditions apply] (thanks to Satya)
Insanity: a small price to pay for sheer brilliance! (thanks to Darlene Forsman)
Heavily medicated for your safety. (thanks to Darlene Forsman)
Jack is Lord (Honolulu PD) (thanks to Martin Mooney)
God loves you, he just has an unusual way of showing it. (thanks to Darlene Forsman)
If at first you don't succeed, why bother? Your honor student will take care of it. (thanks to Darlene Forsman)
ANKH if you Love Horus. (thanks to Martin Mooney)
Sure, I believe in God. Now where are the miracles? (thanks to Darlene Forsman)
WWGD: What would Groucho Do? (thanks to Martin Mooney)
I'm the product of a secret government project. (thanks to Darlene Forsman)
My Airman fights for your honor student's freedom! (thanks to Brandon Alexander)
I have an IQ in the top 2%. Who cares about the other 95%?
I can't get enough minimalism. (thanks to Mark)
Sanity is back-ordered. Sarcasm is in unlimited supply. (thanks to Darlene Forsman)
I'm not bossy, I just know what you should be doing. (thanks to Eggs Benedict)
Egrets? I've had a few. (thanks to Frank)
I'm so far behind, I thought I was first.
I am the English Teacher about whom your mother warned you. (thanks to Eggs Benedict)
Five days a week, my body is a temple. The other two, it's an amusement park. (thanks to Skip Tucker)
My idea of a team effort is a lot of people doing whatever I say. -
As a matter of fact, I DID sleep in these clothes. (thanks to Darlene Forsman)
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I don't know why I'm even out of bed.
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If I'm talking, everyone should be taking notes. (thanks to Jacob)
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People who think they know it all really annoy those of us who do. (thanks to Judy McGuire)
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Well, at least the war on the environment is going well. (thanks to Sarah Lang)
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I'm not perfect, but I'm so close that it scares me. (thanks to Darlene Forsman)
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You probably don't recognize me without the cape. (thanks to Jacob)
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Cats make everything taste better. (thanks to Gray)
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Your body would look good in my trunk. (thanks to Tiens)
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When I want your opinion, I'll beat it out of you.
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I love animals. They're delicious. (thanks to Ryan)
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I didn't climb to the top of the food chain to become a vegetarian!
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Kids in the back seat cause accidents; Accidents in the back seat cause kids.
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Conserve toilet paper - use both sides. (thanks to Frederick J. Hetrick)
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Crap! This is a terrible time for the meds to wear off. (thanks to Darlene Forsman)
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Jesus is coming. Look busy! (thanks to Buddy)
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Say "NO" to drugs. That will bring the prices down.
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When you do a good deed, get a receipt in case heaven is like the IRS.
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I'm Canadian. It's like being American, but without the gun.
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Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
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I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
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If there is no God, who always pops up that next Kleenex?
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If you believe in telepathy, think about honking.
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I'm retired. Go around me. (thanks to Buddy O.)
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Don't make me mad. I'm running out of places to hide the bodies. (thanks to Brett)
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Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
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The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
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I don't have a beer gut, I have a protective covering for my rock hard abs.
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If you can read this, I've lost the trailer!
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Stoplights timed for 30 mph are also timed for 60 mph.
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Procrastinate now.
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The last time politics and religion were mixed, people were burned at the stake.
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Rehab is for quitters.
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I have a degree in Liberal Arts - do you want fries with that?
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Quoting one is plagiarism. Quoting many is research.
Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap. You choose. -
If you are what you eat, I'm fast, cheap and easy.
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Warning: Dates on calendar are closer than they appear.
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Sarcasm is just one more service I offer.
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I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
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There's no place like 127.0.0.1
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I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?
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I'm supposed to back up my hard drive, but how do I put it into reverse?
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You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing.
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Chaos, panic, and disorder - my work here is done.
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Is it time for your medication or mine?
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How do I set a laser printer to stun?
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I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
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Wanted: Meaningful overnight relationship.
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Anything not worth doing is not worth doing well.
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What I really need are minions.
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Beer: It's not just for breakfast anymore.
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I'm an English major: You do the math.
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Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
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The more you complain the longer God makes you live.
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I R S: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
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Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
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Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
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Life would be easier if I had the source code.
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God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
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I said "no" to drugs, but they didn't listen.
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Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.
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Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
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Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
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Honk If you want to see my finger.
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I don't have a license to kill. I have a learner's permit.
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Keep honking while I reload.
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If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.
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My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her (or something like that).
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Constipation causes people not to give a crap.
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If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0!
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Driver carries no cash. He's married.
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All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
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Karaoke bars combine two of the nation's greatest evils: people who shouldn't drink with people who shouldn't sing.
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I drive far too fast to worry about cholesterol!
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There are 10 types of people in the world. Those who understand binary, and those who don't.
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Don't bother honking or flashing your lights, I'm deaf and blind.
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Honk if you've never seen a gun fired from a moving vehicle.
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Never knock on Death's door. Ring the bell and run, he hates that.
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It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
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New Mexico: Cleaner than regular Mexico.
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Archaeologists will date any old thing.
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Vegetarian: Indian word for lousy hunter.
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I drive the speed limit. If you don't like it, call a cop!
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Vote Democrat - it's easier than working!
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Vote Republican - it's easier than thinking! -
Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button.
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01 Dec 10
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27 Oct 10
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29 Sep 10
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25 Sep 10
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01 Sep 10
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21 Aug 10
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23 Jun 10
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20 May 10
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28 Mar 10
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16 Mar 10
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11 Mar 10
Nathan BurbridgeI thought I was indecisive; now I'm not so sure.
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22 Feb 10
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21 May 09
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30 Dec 08
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25 Nov 08
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27 Sep 08
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03 May 08
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13 Apr 08
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09 Apr 08
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11 Mar 08
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Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you weren't asleep.
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Warning: Dates on calendar are closer than they appear.
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I fought the lawn, and the lawn won.
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I am not infantile, you stinky poopyhead.
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Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
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Sorry I missed church. I've been busy practicing witchcraft and becoming a lesbian. (thanks to Tananda)
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On the journey of life, I choose the psycho path.
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Rock is dead. Long live paper and scissors.
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I plan to live forever. So far, so good! (thanks to Jake M.)
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I found Jesus - he was behind the sofa all the time. -
What wouldn't Jesus do?
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Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
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Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
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Jesus loves you. But I'm his favorite.
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To err is human, to moo bovine.
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In case of rapture, can I have your car? (thanks to Ariana Moseley)
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Want a little taste of religion? Bite the minister.
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Kids in the back seat cause accidents; Accidents in the back seat cause kids.
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I didn't believe in reincarnation in my last life, either!
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Well, at least the war on the environment is going well. (thanks to Sarah Lang)
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My feminine side is lesbian. (thanks to Justin Kinser)
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Without geometry, life is pointless. (thanks to Ryan Mazonis)
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Sorry if I look interested, I'm not!
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Never believe generalizations.
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Avoid alliterations always.
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Dyslexics are teople poo.
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If there is no God, who always pops up that next Kleenex?
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Every time you open your mouth, some idiot starts talking.
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If you can read this, you're not the president.
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To err is human, to blame it on somebody else shows management potential.
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Practice safe lunch: Use a condiment.
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Follow that car, Godzilla - and step on it !
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If you can't read this, thank the teacher's union.
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Procrastinate now.
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My dog can lick anyone!
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I'm always late. My ancestors arrived on the Juneflower.
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The trouble with life is there's no background music.
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Quoting one is plagiarism. Quoting many is research.
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Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap. You choose.
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Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
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You - Off my planet.
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Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
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I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
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Is it time for your medication or mine?
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Above all else, sky. (thanks to Evets)
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God made us sisters; Prozac made us friends.
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Wanted: Meaningful overnight relationship.
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I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes.
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A day without sunshine is like night.
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First things first, but not necessarily in that order.
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You're just jealous because the voices only talk to ME.
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So you're a feminist. Isn't that cute?
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God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
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If catapults are outlawed, only outlaws will have catapults.
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Watch out for the idiot behind me.
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Never miss a good opportunity to shut up.
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There are 10 types of people in the world. Those who understand binary, and those who don't.
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Thank God I'm an atheist.
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Some days it's just not worth gnawing through the leather straps.
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If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
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13 Jan 08
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09 Nov 07
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02 Nov 07
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26 Oct 07
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I've heard about the evils of drinking beer, so I gave up reading.
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Don't believe everything you think.
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My feminine side is lesbian.
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thought I was indecisive; now I'm not so sure.
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National Spellling Bee Runer-Up
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Kids in the back seat cause accidents; Accidents in the back seat cause kids. -
The generation of random numbers is too important to leave to chance.
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Jesus is coming. Look busy!
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So many stupid people, and so few asteroids. -
I didn't believe in reincarnation in my last life, either!
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don't think, therefore I am not.
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Say "NO" to drugs. That will bring the prices down.
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Jesus loves you. But I'm his favorite.
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An Apple a day keeps Windows away.
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Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.
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Double your drive space. Delete Windows.
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I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
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Jesus loves you! Everybody else thinks you're a jerk. -
I'm Canadian. It's like being American, but without the gun.
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Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
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On your mark, get set, go away!
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The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
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I don't have a beer gut, I have a protective covering for my rock hard abs.
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To err is human, to blame it on somebody else shows management potential.
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Procrastinate now.
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The trouble with life is there's no background music.
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Quoting one is plagiarism. Quoting many is research.
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Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
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Sarcasm is just one more service I offer.
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If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.
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Wanted: Meaningful overnight relationship.
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(Spotted on a passing motorcycle): If you can read this, my wife fell off!
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Old age comes at a bad time.
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If going to church makes you a Christian, does going into a garage make you a car?
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I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes.
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Anything not worth doing is not worth doing well.
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Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
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First things first, but not necessarily in that order.
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God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
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So you're a feminist. Isn't that cute?
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Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
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Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
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Life would be easier if I had the source code.
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As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
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Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
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Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips. -
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
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Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
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Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
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All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
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If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.
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Honk if you've never seen a gun fired from a moving vehicle.
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Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.
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If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0! -
Watch out for the idiot behind me.
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If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
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Thank God I'm an atheist.
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22 Oct 07
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21 Oct 07
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19 Oct 07
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14 Oct 07
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11 Oct 07
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18 Sep 07
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14 Sep 07
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23 Jul 07
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16 Jul 07
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07 Jun 07
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20 May 07
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16 Apr 07
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14 Apr 07
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11 Mar 07
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